Lessons- Learned & Shared

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>A late night. A phone conversation and a shared confidence.</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <B>Lessons- Learned & Shared</B>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? 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This wasn't an unusual circumstance when you worked in the White House , but at times it could be trying. It was now nearing two in the morning, and Donna was on her way down to Ainsley Hayes' office to get some information from her that Josh needed.</div> <div>  Donna felt sorry for Ainsley at times, stuck down in her little cave of an office, away from everyone. Not to mention being the lone Republican in a sea of Democrats. She had to give her credit though, in the midst of all of that, and putting up with the transition from Tribbey to Babbish , she kept swinging.</div> <div>  When Donna reached the door to Ainsley's office, she was surprised to see it closed. Ainsley rarely closed the door , saying that it made her feel a little claustrophobic. Donna could understand that. She hesitated for a moment, then knocked lightly. Donna could hear Ainsley through the door, apparently talking to someone on the phone. At one point, Donna heard Ainsley raise her voice, then it quickly dropped, and a moment later she beckoned Donna to come in. </div> <div> Donna stuck her head in the door hesitantly, " Sorry, but Josh needed me to pick up that brief from you."</div> <div>  " It's okay, Donna. Come on in. I was just finishing it up when I got a call. Would you mind waiting a few minutes?" Ainsley asked, gesturing to the chair on the other side of her desk.</div> <div>  " No problem", Donna said, slipping gratefully into the chair. After a moment, she looked over at Ainsley, who frankly looked as though her mind was anywhere but on the papers in front of her.</div> <div>  "Is everything okay?" Donna asked.</div> <div>  Ainsley looked up when she spoke, her eyes a little too wide, a false smile pasted on her face, "Of course it is. Why would you think something is wrong? It's late. I'm tired. But, other than that everything is perfectly fine."</div> <div>  " If you say so, but…" Donna trailed off, clearly not believing that everything was fine, but sensing that Ainsley was unwilling to talk about it.</div> <div>  " You don't sound like you believe me", Ainsley replied, her voice getting a little strident.    " Ainsley, look- something is obviously bothering you. If you don't want to talk about it , that's fine. If you do…well, I'm here."</div> <div>  Ainsley looked at her for a moment, then dropped her face into her hands with a sigh, shaking her head. "I can't."</div> <div>  " You don't think it would help?"</div> <div>  " It's not really that- it's…it would be inappropriate. It's a family matter", Ainsley said, with effort.</div> <div>  " Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry", Donna said, still wishing that Ainsley would let her help, or at least listen. She really looked like she needed a friendly ear.</div> <div>  " You weren't prying- you were just trying to be-"</div> <div>  Ainsley was interrupted by the phone ringing again. With an apologetic look to Donna, Ainsley picked it up .</div> <div>  " Ainsley Hay- Mel? Mel is that you? Melanie, please calm down. What? No, we've been through this before. Just get in your car and come here….I don't care what he said! No one will bother you here, then when I get done here, we'll go to my apartment and figure out what to do… Just do it. Now!…. And don't pick up the phone again. I've already let them know to expect you. Leave now ,Melanie…okay, I'll see you soon." </div> <div> Ainsley put the phone down and closed her eyes for a moment, almost as if she was saying a silent prayer. Based on the conversation she had overheard, Donna wouldn't have been surprised if that was exactly what Ainsley had been doing. Ainsley opened her eyes , saw Donna regarding her with concern and looked away, almost embarrassed.</div> <div>  " I'm sorry if I'm butting in- but is that the `family situation' you were talking about?" Donna asked quietly.</div> <div>  With a look that was a mixture of defeat and relief, Ainsley nodded. " Yes…that was my cousin Melanie. She's in a situation- I'm trying to help her out."</div> <div>  Donna looked at Ainsley for the longest time, trying to decide what she should say next. She was trying to decide whether to go with her gut, or mind her own business. Seeing the brimming tears in Ainsley's eyes- tears that she was trying very hard not to show, Donna made up her mind.</div> <div>  " Do you remember that night when we were in the Roosevelt Room working on the Correspondent's dinner speech?", At Ainsley's nod, Donna continued, " Of course you remember Sam's little dig about the boyfriend I went back to when I left the campaign, then I returned three weeks later." Ainsley nodded again.</div> <div>  " Donna, why are you bringing that up?"</div> <div>  " I'll tell you… What Sam didn't know about that little period in history- what Josh doesn't know either, is that when I went back to him, I was falling for a line that a million women fall for. I went back to try again, because I thought I was supposed to. I went back, because he said those five magic words- `I'll never do it again'. I fell for it- but that was the last time I fell for it."</div> <div>  " Donna…what are you trying to say?"</div> <div>  " It's just a hunch on my part- but did that call from your cousin- that situation she's in…does that have anything to do with an abusive relationship?" Donna asked.</div> <div>  Ainsley looked like she was going to protest at first, totally deny anything like that, but then she saw the look in Donna's eyes. It was understanding, and compassion. At that moment , Ainsley decided the old family rule about never airing one's `dirty laundry' in public was not always the best policy. She didn't need to fear that Donna would broadcast Melanie's problems for the gossip mill. She was merely trying to be supportive.</div> <div>  " Yes. It's her husband. They've been married a little more than a year, and Melanie thinks everything that's happened is her responsibility- her fault. He's brainwashed her really well", Ainsley finished in disgust.</div> <div>  " That's what happens. It starts out with the control. You can't do anything on your own…oh, they disguise it as taking care of you, and at first it can even feel nice. Then one day you wake up, and realize that you're doing all the caring and they're doing all the taking. By that time, you're so wrapped up in his life, his needs, his wants, that you don't even know who you are anymore. You realize that he's chipped away anything that belonged totally to you- your life, your friends, your needs and interests, and he makes you think you can't exist without him- that you have no value. Then, if you're lucky, something happens, and you realize that all that crap he's been feeding you, is just that-crap."</div> <div>  " You left once…and then you went back. How come?" Ainsley asked, even though she felt bad about it.</div> <div>  It was almost as though she was criticizing Donna or judging her. Donna didn't take it that way though. She smiled a little and shrugged. Ainsley could see that she looked at what had happened to her, almost as if it had happened to a different person.</div> <div>  " Like I said…you fall for things. You want to believe that this time is different. It really is like the way that A.A defines insanity- doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. That's what happens when you get caught in that cycle. They've made you believe for so long that everything is your fault, so you rationalize that if you do things differently this time, that everything will be different. He won't criticize or belittle you, because you won't give him any reason to do those things. You'll be perfect. The thing is- there is no perfect. No matter what you do, you will always be wrong, less, without worth to the one person you want to be worth everything to. When I realized that was the day I left for good." Donna said.</div> <div>  Ainsley realized now why she had gotten the impression that Donna was talking about a different person- she was a different person now. </div> <div> " I hope this is the last time for Melanie. I hope she realizes just how wrong he is, and that she is complete and whole and valuable without him." Ainsley remarked, and thought how caring it was of Donna to have shared something that had to be painful, no matter how much she had grown past it.</div> <div>  " She will- in time. There's one more thing…you can be supportive, encouraging and helpful. You can be an understanding ear, but the one thing you can't do is give her her life back. She's got to do that on her own. If you don't let her find her own way in that- then she'll just fall back into the same trap again with her husband, or some other male that's lying in wait to take advantage of her vulnerabilities."</div> <div>  " I'll remember that… and thank you, Donna. Really-I'm kind of out of my element here. I've never known how to deal with this. I just always prayed that she'd come to me- before something really bad happened. "</div> <div>  " Well- it looks like your prayers were answered. She's alive, and she's away from him. That's the first best step. Let me know if I can do anything to help. If nothing else- just to let her know she's not alone and she has nothing to be ashamed of", Donna said, rising from the chair.</div> <div>  "I'll tell Josh that something came up, and you'll get the brief to him in the morning. Go meet your cousin."</div> <div>  " Thanks again , Donna."</div> <div>  " No problem- just remember what I said." Donna said, as she walked out.</div> <div>  Not a few minutes after Donna left, Ainsley's phone rang again, only this time, instead of her cousin, it was the guard, announcing that Ainsley had a visitor. It was her cousin. She had taken what Donna called , the first , best step. This was just a step, Ainsley reminded herself, but it was the best step she had taken in a long time. Ainsley told the guard to inform her cousin that she would meet her right away. Grabbing her things, she made her way out with a light heart. Life was looking better all the time.</div> <div>  The End</div> <div>  Information Links: Violence Against Women Online Recourses</div> <div>  http://www.vaw.umn.edu</div> <div>  National Coalition Against Domestic Violence</div> <div>  http://www.ncadv.org/</div> <div>  SafetyNet Domestic Violence Recourses</div> <div>  http://www.cybergrrl.com/dv.html </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> E-Mail me : brandy_j_1959@hotmail.com</div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>