"I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!"
-Max Bialystock, The Producers

[What would happen if Pretty Soldier Sailormoon Sailor Stars is dubbed in English]
“It's kinda like if Cartoon Network picked up [Neon Genesis] Evangelion (yea when pigs fly) the episodes would be like 8 min long.”
-Elton Kong

"Shut up! Gimmie 12 hours and I'll be as fit as a jet plane!"
-Arsene Lupin III to Jigen Daisuke, Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro

“As my mother said, no man who never did nothing never made any mistakes. [long pause] Yes!”
-Frank Spencer, “Have a Break, Take a Husband” episode of "Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em!"

Miller: "Hey! How long is this trip gonna take?"
Packer: "Oh, no more than...three weeks at the most."
(four weeks later, after thay haven't even left Utah...)
Miller: "Four weeks my @$!, Packer!"
-Miller and Packer, Cannibal! The Musical

“I tried nice once, didn’t care for it.”
“Is that what happened to smart?”
-Frank and Marie Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond"

“I coulda eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview!”
-Frank Barone, after his son Ray bombed on a sports TV show interview, "Everybody Loves Raymond"

Kirk: All right men,this is a dangerous mission and it likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of Myself, Mr.Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Ricky.
Ensign Ricky: Ah Crap!

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
- Unknown

“HEY!!!! Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know in my dad's bed?”
- Eric Cartman, "South Park"

“I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.”
–Unknown

[Worf grabs Geordi La Forge's lute, smashes it, and then gives it back to Geordi]
"Sorry..."
- Worf doing John Belushi from Animal House, "Star Trek: The Next Generation" episode 'Qpid'

“Obsession is the sincerest and form of insanity.”
– Jake Davis

"If you open your mind too much, your brain falls out."
- Unknown

“Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see Ishtar. Woof!”
– Sophia, "The Golden Girls"

“Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run like hell, he hates that.”
– Unknown

"A small child once told me 'You don't draw Bugs Bunny, you draw pictures of Bugs Bunny'."
— Chuck Jones

"The producer is a guy who tells the artist what to do, then takes all the credit!"
– Stimpy, "Ren & Stimpy"

"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music."
- Author unknown

“Really Dumb Things You Shouldn't Do, Part One: Get on the bus, sit down, start to read a book, and notice fifteen minutes later that you're on the wrong bus! Aaaah!”
– news item from Trek Today (www.trektoday.com) on Monday, May 17, 1999

“Things that are not smart, part 1: putting a meal in your microwave, and then forgetting to take off the lid. Can you say 'BOOOM'? What a mess... :-(“
– news item from Trek Today (www.trektoday.com) on Friday, July 16, 1999

“Really Dumb Things People Do And Only Realise Afterwards, #716: Get a new, ultra-short haircut right in the middle of the winter, causing you to freeze to death everytime you step outside.”
– news item from Trek Today (www.trektoday.com) on Tuesday January 4, 2000

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