By Greywolf the Wanderer

 

<Cue WCW announcer type voice -- then camp it out to the max!>

OK, here's the deal... It's Camp Queen Drag Night at the Nite Owl Bar and Grill. The dance is almost over -- and he still isn't here!!

Outside, pacing, smoking angrily, we see Pavel Sergeiivitch, dressed in a slinky little black dress -- my god, it's vintage Chanel. Oooh, that bitch, I'll scratch his eyes out... Oh, yes, Um, sorry.... Well, anyway, here's Pavel, clicking along in his high heels --ooo, and don't they just bring that cute little ass out for us?

Now here's Jim, dressed in a lovely Scarlett O'Hara number, crinolines swishing as he paces and frets. Oh, such a pouty face -- but it does suit him, ladies and germs, you have to admit it... Now here's Bones, done up in early Riverboat Gambler tonight -- and very natty he looks too, if I say so myself -- such a tasty tushie... Pity he's straight -- or is he? Well, I'll never tell!

Oh, my, now what's this -- do I hear a motorcycle? Oooh, yes, darlings, here he is, the man of the hour!! It's the Vulcan, of course -- oooh, he's late, and he doesn't even care... Well! Isn't that just typical... My, my, but he does look tasty -- it's early James Dean, I do believe -- yes, look at that. Those jeans look sprayed on -- my, I bet I could count the <oof!> oh, all right. Well, they're nice and tight, anyway. Tight white t-shirt, ratty leather jacket -- and that hair! Oh, my. Vintage mousse D.A. -- I didn't even know they could do that any more. And here's Pavel, slinking up to talk -- oh, my, and Jim doesn't like that, no indeed. Are we going to have a cat fight, ladies and germs? Who knows?

Oh, and what's this? My goodness -- it's Ms. Uhura -- but

oh, my, what a change! Early 90's cyberpunk -- the hair is short and teased, sprayed with glitter; all black, all leather, lots of skin showing. Oooh, lovely set of zippers and chains -- my, such creative use of metal they had back then. Oh, this is just darling...

Well, now, isn't this something!! She's just swept our Pavel off his little teeny heels, and rode off with him across her lap! And now the Vulcan's taking off in hot pursuit!

And meanwhile, the older -- but so distinguished, darlings -- gambler offers the jilted belle a gentlemanly arm, as well as a swallow of his JD. "Goin' mah way, deah?" he asks, and they sashay offstage together....