by P B Wrapper

Warning: This story is an exploration of Vulcan sexuality. Devout K/Sers may find it blasphemous.

Disclaimer: Theodore Sturgeon invented the pon farr, but Paramount own it now, bless their little hearts.

Sulu stopped outside the door to Spock's cabin and double checked in his mind what the Vulcan had told him earlier: the medication McCoy had provided would enable Spock to maintain his mental equilibrium: the Plak Tow itself was still three days away. Even if Spock's estimate was out by several hundred percent it was still safe to go in. He knocked.

"Enter."

The door slid open and Sulu stepped inside before he could have second thoughts. It was pitch dark and hot. Then Spock moved, revealing the improvised fire pot that glowed on his desk. The red light made his face into a coarse mask.

"Witch," the Vulcan said.

Sulu halted abruptly. McCoy's potion obviously wasn't doing the trick after all.

"You have come to tell me that one of you has volunteered. Which?"

Sulu swallowed. He'd never get used to Spock's ability to be nine steps ahead of him in any situation.

"Or have you all volunteered?" the Vulcan sneered. At least it sounded like a sneer. Sulu swallowed again.

"We...we're all willing to help. We just don't know how. Or if any of us can."

"Lieutenant Uhura?" Spock inquired.

"Yes, she's... willing. You know as well as I do that she's never had any intention of getting married or anything, but..."

"She knows the bond made during the pon farr is for life, that it cannot be broken, or put aside?"

"Yes. She knows. But she isn't willing to let you die."

"She knows that a Vulcan male in pon farr is... barely controlled?"

"She knows."

Spock snorted like an impatient horse. "Then why is she not here, to tell me this herself?"

Sulu swallowed again. "I wouldn't let her."

Spock moved forward. He towered over the lieutanant. "Why. Not?"

"Well, I... I didn't see why she should have to be the one if there was another possibility. I wanted to be sure first."

"Sure of what?"

Spock reached out and lifted the lieutenant's chin with his left hand. His right hand caught hold of Sulu's arm and circled it. Sulu felt the Vulcan's fingers squeeze his flesh.It occurred to him that Chekov would have thought to bring a chicken bone and hence been dismissed as too thin for whatever the Vulcan had in mind.

"That homosexual... relations would be just as... as appropriate, sir."

The Vulcan took in a deep shuddering breath. "You are volunteering, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, at least..."

"Are you volunteering?" Spock clutched Sulu's right shoulder in a vice like grip and ran his free hand down the front of the Lieutenant's tunic, and slightly beyond.

Sulu gasped but stood his ground. "I am volunteering, sir, but... well, Chekov pointed out that while you are incapacitated, I am de facto commander of this mission and therefore prohibited from volunteering for any duty that is likely to render me unfit to carry out that role." Having gabbled out his excuse, Sulu took a deep breath. "I therefore need to assess whether..."

"So Chekov is volunteering."

"Yes, but..."

"Or has he been volunteered?"

Sulu straightened. "I have made it perfectly clear to Ensign Chekov that I do not expect him to... to... to volunteer for anything."

Spock suddenly sat down at his desk. "In my experience, pointing out to Ensign Chekov that he need not volunteer is a fool-proof way of effecting his participation in almost anything."

The tension of the previous moments evaporated into nothing.

"I know," Sulu said tiredly, feeling a dangerous desire to let his guard down. "But I really think he isn't any less willing than Nyota or me. Only, well, if it does come down to one of us, of me and Chekov I mean, I'd rather it was me. But if there's any doubt that it can work with a man, Nyota is determined that it ought to be her. We just don't have the facts."

"The facts are," Spock said levelly, "that a homosexual bond is exactly the same as a heterosexual bond. Such bonds are uncommon. The logical purpose of sex is, after all, procreation. But since Lieutenant Uhura has no desire to indulge in motherhood, all three options are equally illogical, inconvenient, embarrassing and... too much to ask of any of you. I am grateful for your offers, but I must decline. Please convey that message to your colleagues." Spock turned and contemplated the fire pot.

"Then Lieutenant Uhura and I will draw straws," Sulu said stubbornly. "We've talked this through, Mister Spock. It's not logical to let you die."

Spock looked up at him. His eyes were heavy lidded. "Most lives can be saved, Lieutenant, if one is willing to pay a high enough price, in terms of resources, or personal freedom. In practice, there is a point at which the price becomes too high. You are all three of you young, human, sexually active, pursuing careers that require you to avoid personal ties for the moment, but all of you would probably gain most personal happiness from an active long term sexual pairing eventually. All three of you are offering to accept a life of virtual abstinence, tied to a single person for whom you do not have any sexual desire or great affection. I will outlive any of you. You cannot even look forward to a belated freedom to mate more suitably. I will not ask it of you." As he spoke, the Vulcan's eyes settled on Sulu's groin in a way that flatly contradicted his words. "Leave me."

Unable to think of any contrary argument, Sulu obeyed.

Chekov was standing in the corridor of the relay station, not even pretending he had any reason to be there. "What did he say?"

"He said no."

"No? No to what?"

"No to you, to me and to Uhura. He said it was too much to ask. The bond is permanent, and exclusive whether the partners are of the same sex or not. He thought you'd probably only volunteered out of habit anyway."

"I did not! It makes sense to choose me..."

"Okay, maybe in a short term, chain of command kind of way, it makes sense to choose you, but I'm not going to let that happen to you while I'm responsible for your safety, so just drop it!" Sulu immediately regretted snapping. "I'm sorry, Pavel, but I couldn't stand out here while you... you know. Please. And he didn't mean you hadn't volunteered. He meant I might have taken advantage of your willingness to volunteer."

Chekov stood there like a bad-tempered rock. "The captain will never forgive us if we let Mister Spock..."

"It's Spock's choice too, remember. Maybe he just doesn't want to... with any of us. Just because his hormones are out of control, it doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's doing. He has to live with the consequences too. You're asking him to accept maybe eighty years of making another person very unhappy, or at least very frustrated. You don't fancy him, so why assume he wants to... to..."

"To screw me?" Chekov pouted. "I always thought I was irresistible."

Sulu sighed. It didn't take an empath to see that Chekov was very, very relieved, however annoyed he might imagine James Kirk was going to be.

Uhura brought a cup of coffee over to the table and slid it between Sulu's waiting hands. "So he declined our generous offer. I don't know what to think about that. You didn't spot any weakness in his case, any logical chink we can work on?"

"He says it's asking too much. Which is quite reasonable really. I could live forever if I was willing to spend eternity in a stasis unit. It isn't worth it. The price is too high. It's not just the price for whichever of us. There's a price for him too. He'd be permanently bonded to someone he hadn't chosen. Let's face it, most humans can't make an ordinary marriage last more than a few years. It could be eighty years of hell. Imagine being married for eighty years and only having sex twelve times. Then imagine it's not someone you ever loved. Imagine it's me, or Chekov. You can see his point. Are you really sure you want to do this?

Uhura stared into her own cooling cup of chocolate. "If I had to marry you to save you from certain death..."

"It's not the same, Nyota."

"I do have tremendous respect for Mister Spock."

"I'm sure he does for you too, but..."

"But you don't marry people just because you respect them. Okay. It's his decision. It's not up to us to force it. Have you told Chekov?"

"Yes. He was hovering outside. He's relieved and devastated in roughly equal proportions."

"What's he doing now?"

"I don't know. He went off towards the maintenance bay. He's probably gone back to work."

"To keep from worrying? Maybe that's a good idea, since there's nothing else we can do unless Mister Spock changes his mind."

An hour later Sulu called down to the maintenance bay and didn't get a reply. There was no reply from Chekov's cabin either. He eventually tracked the ensign down at a computer console in the recycling module. Chekov's hand thumped the off switch before Sulu could see what was on the screen.

"What are you up to?"

"Doing some research." Chekov was blushing deeply.

Sulu leaned over and reactivated the screen. It held a pencil drawing of a naked man on a powerful petrol engined two wheeled vehicle. The man didn't look exactly underpowered either.

"Research into what?"

"I thought that... maybe if I tried it, I might find I could be sexually attracted to another man."

Sulu squinted thoughtfully, as he tried to imagine the biker with pointed ears. "He's not a lot like Mister Spock, though, is he?"

"I don't think it's going to work," Chekov admitted. "But surely Lieutenant Uhura finds him attractive? The female officers are always making remarks..."

"Chekov, when you're not there, they make remarks about you. It doesn't mean... it doesn't mean they're lining up to take a tumble with you."

He wondered if the disappointment on the ensign's face was purely for his benefit. "Come on. I appreciate what you're trying to do. Don't take this personally."

Chekov turned the computer off fully this time, but gestured at the blank screen as he slipped off the stool. "Well, it is true, those pictures didn't make me feel any better about this. They were *enormous*..."

"It's pornography, Chekov. That's what it's all about."

The ensign sniffed dismissively. "And they weren't what I expected, all those lumberjacks and soldiers..."

"If you're going to like feminine men, why bother to like men at all? I think most gay men like... well, men. The more man the better."

"I never thought about it," Chekov admitted, following Sulu into the little control room.

"Well, that's Mister Spock for you. Furthering your education at every opportunity."

Uhura spun her chair round to face them. "What's happened?"

Sulu noticed Chekov's renewed blush. "Nothing. Pavel was busy with the computer, following up on something. Anything new up here?"

"Not a thing. If it wasn't for... well, this was turning out to be about the most tedious assignment I've ever pulled. There *are* no patterns in the static from the nebula. Whoever thought they saw patterns must have been sniffing something."

Chekov glanced at Sulu. He'd spent the morning trying to persuade the lieutenant there were no patterns in the fluctuating gravity waves from the dense centre of the cloud that couldn't be explained perfectly well by two small protostars orbiting each other at its heart. Mindful of the sacrifice Kirk had made in leaving four of his officers here, on the margin of the neutral zone, to monitor the emissions, Sulu had not been keen to have the project wrapped up on day three, even though his own study of the chemical composition of dust samples had revealed absolutely nothing of interest.

"Well, we might as well keep looking, since we're here anyway..."

Uhura closed her station down. "And tonight, it's your turn to keep looking in person. Congratulations, Lieutenant Sulu, and good luck! Chekov and I are going off to get a night cap."

"Sleep tight," Sulu said, "and remember that the whisky has to last another four days yet."

Uhura brushed a kiss lightly on his cheek. "Scotty put a spare bottle in the emergency tool kit."

Once she'd gone, Sulu slumped in the central chair. The control room was a pathetic imitation of a starship bridge. The monitoring station had only two functions: to watch the nebula and to avoid the attention of its Romulan neighbours. As a result, it carried the most advanced passive sensors available to the Federation and an absolute minimum of energy intensive physical comforts. It was small and gloomy, and cold. Sulu had had great difficulty persuading Spock to raise the temperature in his cabin to a bearable level when the fever began to affect him. The cabin Sulu shared with Chekov was like a chill cabinet. Really, they should all pile into bed with the Vulcan simply to keep warm. Maybe if Sulu presented it as an energy saving measure, the logical first officer would accept it...

The comm panel bleeped.

Sulu jumped to his feet. There weren't supposed to be any transmissions in or out, for security reasons. Silent running, except they weren't going anywhere. Their next contact with the outside world should be the returning Enterprise.

He crossed to the comm panel, which was still busy carrying out its continuous monitoring program. A single green indicator flashed to alert him to a transmission on Starfleet channels. He hesitated, then realised that simply receiving it wouldn't actually give them away. He hit the incoming button.

"Enterprise to module Alpha Nine Four. Enterprise to module Alpha Nine Four. Respond on a tight packet on bearing Zeta seven three one. Enterprise to...." the message looped continuously. Sulu called up his slightly rusty comm skills and verified that the signal they were receiving was coming in as a series of discrete pulses from that very direction. The Enterprise must have found herself in a position where she could risk communication, knowing that the nebula would effectively prevent any signal leakage into Romulan ears.

Sulu let out a huge sigh and set up the protocols for the return message.

"Enterprise, this is Alpha Nine Four. It's good to hear from you. I need to speak to the captain, urgently."

There was a half second delay, understandable given how far away the Enterprise would be. "Sulu, Captain Kirk's in his quarters. I'll wake him up and patch you through."

Uhura's deputy waited for a second for Sulu to change his mind about the need to disturb the captain, then went ahead.

Barely a minute later, Sulu was off loading his problem onto Kirk's shoulders. The captain heard him out without asking questions. "Right. This is unexpected, although McCoy did wonder if he'd settle straight into a regular seven year cycle, being only half Vulcan. You say the medication McCoy gave him is helping?"

"He's quite rational, captain, but he says it doesn't affect the physical symptoms as such."

"According to McCoy Vulcans vary anyway in their response to this condition, and Spock's human half probably isn't helping any..."

"Mister Spock thinks the crisis will occur before you can reach us." Sulu didn't add that the arrival of the Enterprise wouldn't of itself solve anything. It would merely enlarge the pool of apparently unacceptable volunteers.

"We're further from you than originally planned. We're already heading back, but it's still going to be a full four days. Sulu, there's nothing I can do from here. It's in your hands. Let me just say that I will respect whatever decisions you all make. You're all equally valuable individuals, with the right to have your ethics and preferences respected. You're all equally precious to me. Do you understand that?"

Sulu felt an uncomfortable lump form in his throat. "Yes, sir, but we're all willing to..."

"I repeat, I will respect your decisions, but I want you to take particular care with Chekov. He's significantly younger than the rest of you and he sees things very black and white. Don't let him do anything that... that he won't be happy to live with afterwards."

Sulu nodded, even though Kirk couldn't see it. Kirk was only reinforcing his own decision, as far as that went. "Yes, sir."

"We'll be with you as soon as we can." There was a hesitation, as Kirk sought a suitable farewell. "I know you'll do what you can, Lieutenant. Good luck."

The channel clicked off, and Sulu felt an awful cold panic at being on his own again.

Four hours later, the lieutenant padded along the corridor to his cabin, leaving Uhura to continue the watch. He palmed open the door, and found that inside, the light was on and Chekov was sitting wide awake on his bunk, wrapped in both his own covers and Sulu's.

"I was warming them up for you," he explained, handing them back.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Sulu demanded, tiredness making it difficult to keep from sounding irritated.

"I couldn't," the ensign admitted. "Sulu, we have to do something."

"No, you don't," Sulu said. "I just spoke to the captain."

"What did he say?" Chekov asked eagerly.

"Nothing that need concern you," Sulu responded formally, feeling pompous. "Except that you're not to do anything."

"Why not?" Chekov demanded.

Sulu took time to snuggle under the warm blankets. "I think it's because you're the most junior officer and the youngest out of us. He thinks if anyone has to... you know... it should be someone older and more experienced."

"I am not inexperienced," Chekov insisted fiercely.

"Well, look at it this way," Sulu said. "If you end up in a permanent bond with Spock, you'll never make love to anyone but him, for the rest of your life, unless he dies before you, which is pretty unlikely. That could mean you only ever make love another eleven times. I'm not sure, but I'm probably more than eleven notches ahead of you, so it's fairer if it's me."

To his surprise, Chekov seemed to accept the force of this argument. The lieutenant lay down flat and reached out to switch off the light. Everything on this miserable station had switches. It was practically pre-industrial.

"It would not even be making love," Chekov said. "I mean... That is not making love."

Sulu reached across the narrow space between the bunks and patted Chekov's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry. Whatever it is, it's not going to happen to you."

The helmsman woke up in a hot sweat.

"Sulu? Lieutenant?"

Sulu shook the dream off. All this worrying about sex...

"What is wrong? You were making so much noise..." Chekov sounded almost panicked.

Maybe it was the thought of only ever doing it every seven years. Maybe his subconscious was trying to cram in as much sex as possible before it was too late...

"Sulu?" The light came on with an annoying mechanical click and the two officers blinked at each other.

"I'm sorry. I think my imagination is in over drive." The helmsman focussed on Chekov's pale face and red ringed eyes. "Can't you sleep?"

"Sulu, you are in charge of this mission, and if something went wrong, we might get out of here by some trick with communications, but there is no way this station is going to navigate anywhere..."

"Shut up, Chekov. I told you, I have my orders."

"You could sleep with Spock instead of me, and then I could be killed by a Romulan raiding party. I think you should..."

"Chekov, shut up!"

"If we are captured by Romulans I will probably be raped, by someone I don't even like. More than one of them, maybe. Several. Dozens... I would really rather..."

"How long have you been lying awake creating worst case scenarios, Pavel?"

"Ever since you came in," Chekov admitted sheepishly.

"Spock is not willing to go along with this anyhow," Sulu pointed out. "So just forget it."

"But..."

"Say, yes, sir, Chekov."

"Yes, sir."

"Now go to sleep."

"Yes, sir."

Sulu lay awake for the rest of the night, then stumbled into the common room to find Spock there. He stared at the Vulcan, wondering if he'd dreamed the whole pon farr incident. Spock was eating cereal.

"Good morning, Lieutenant Sulu."

"Sir... Good morning, sir."

"Sit down, please. I have something I need to discuss with you."

Sulu dropped into the nearest chair.

"The medication continues to enable me to think clearly, and at present, the physical symptoms are manageable. We need to decide what you will do when that is no longer the case. I do not believe that I can be safely confined in my current quarters. We must make some alterations."

"Sir..."

"Yes?"

"There is an alternative."

"Which you are all prepared to consider," Spock filled in for him.

"Yes, sir. Please... please believe me when I tell you that I don't consider the price too high to pay for your life."

"Please believe me, Mister Sulu, I am not particularly overjoyed by the prospect of my own imminent demise. There is, in fact, another option, in addition to what we discussed yesterday..."

"Sir?"

"At least, I think there may be. There are occasions when it does not suit a Vulcan male to form a permanent bond. In such cases, a lesser bond can in theory be sufficient to procure survival during pon farr."

"So what's the catch?" Sulu asked. "I mean..."

"The lesser bond is a weaker, temporary bond with multiple sexual partners. Traditionally seven in number, although fewer might suffice. The bond must also be undertaken before the full height of the plak tow is attained. Which is to say, it must be done now, or within a few hours at most."

"I'll talk to the others," Sulu said, up and backing towards the door already.

Spock frowned. "We would avoid some problems at the cost of creating others. Lieutenant Uhura and Ensign Chekov might find the idea of a... of an 'orgy' unacceptable."

Sulu blinked. "I don't think so, sir. They're both pretty broad minded."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"In a good cause," Sulu assured him.

"And four partners might not be sufficient to weaken the bond significantly."

"Oh," Sulu said. He wasn't actually worried about that, having been prepared to take the risk of a permanent bond anyway. This development was significant only because it made the situation acceptable to Spock. "How unsure are you?"

"Lieutenant, I am almost completely unsure. My education encompassed normal Vulcan sexuality. Had I become aware that my own sexuality was problematical, I would at that point have consulted a specialist for advice. We have no tradition of entertaining ourselves with bizarre deviations from the basic biological act."

"Well, what happens if all four of us end up in a permanent Vulcan bond?" Sulu demanded, focusing on the main issue.

"I don't know."

"Might the fact that three of us are human weaken it anyway?"

"Conceivably."

It was becoming clear to the lieutenant that Spock was talking himself out of this possible scenario rather quickly. He turned to go and fetch the others. This was the only chance they had. They'd just have to seize it.

"Nyota..."

"What?" Uhura demanded, turning away from her mirror, hairbrush in hand. Her cabin struck Sulu as even icier than his own, and she had no one to warm her blankets for her.

"Spock thinks if all four of us..." He stopped. Having the put the suggestion into words made it suddenly even more outrageous.

"What?"

"If all four of us did it together, there's a chance there wouldn't be a permanent bond formed."

"You're joking."

"No. I'm not. Spock suggested it. He started coming out with reasons not to do it almost immediately, but..."

"All four of us?"

"Yes."

"Why not just three of us?"

"Apparently, the more the better, for weakening the bond, I mean. Up to a maximum of seven."

"Do Vulcans do this kind of thing often?"

"How should I know? I think Spock must have got the idea off the Vulcan equivalent of Reader's Digest anyway. He didn't seem very sure of himself, but at least he seemed to be considering the idea, which is more than he's done for anything else we've suggested. So how about it?"

She put the hairbrush down. "What does Chekov say?"

"He'll say he'll do it, won't he? Let's not get into that again."

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it."

"You can't. Apparently, to avoid a permanent bond, it also has to happen soon."

She blinked slowly as she considered the situation. "I suppose you're not likely to be hurt as badly..."

"What?"

"Well, he could start on me and move on to you when he was... was over the worst of it."

"And Chekov last of all. Yes."

"He might not even get round to Chekov," Uhura speculated.

"I think Chekov would have to be there. For the mind meld part of it."

Uhura was very seriously considering the new idea, her brow furrowed. "What if he... what if we all get hurt? It would be three and a half days before the Enterprise got here with medical help. We might..."

"Spock should be up to giving first aid, treatment for shock." Sulu looked at her suddenly unwilling face. It had all seemed so easy a moment ago, so... logical. "He might even fetch us all a cup of tea."

She laughed, unexpectedly. "This is bizarre, Sulu. I can't believe I'm sitting here discussing this with you. You know, ever since Christine told me about the last time, I've sort of..."

"Speculated about it?"

"Well, the official line was that people working with Spock should be prepared for the eventuality." She shrugged. "Yes, I've... speculated. How much are we going to be able to be in control once we start? He's much stronger than any of us..."

"Not all three of us. Probably."

"But with the mind meld."

Sulu looked at her. "I don't know," he said. It was all anyone seemed to be saying at the moment. "Are we going to go for it?"

"I'm willing." Uhura smiled at him, boosting his confidence a little. "How long do we have?"

"He said a few hours."

"That's good." She rose from her stool and went over to a drawer by her bed. "I think I've got something here..."

Sulu watched her, puzzled. "I don't think contraception..."

"No, stupid. I don't think it should be the first time for either of you two guys when we do it with Spock." She held up a tube of massage oil and shook her head at Sulu's expression. "Sulu, it's going to hurt you a hell of a lot more if you can't relax, if you don't know what's happening. Also, you'll need some lubrication..."

"Look, do we have to get this technical?" Sulu objected.

"Yes, we do. I'm just trying to be practical. I'd rather be up front now than dealing with two cases of severe anal tearing in twelve hours time."

Sulu went white.

"Come on," Uhura said calmly. "Apart from anything, this'll be an excellent test of whether Chekov really knows what he's letting himself in for."

"Oh, you can't be serious. No, Nyota. Please."

Suddenly she was looking annoyed. "So, you're willing to let Ensign Chekov get raped, but you're not willing to put yourself out to limit the damage to him. I don't think that's very responsible, Lieutenant."

"I don't even think I can," Sulu said guiltily. "I've never done that with a woman even, let alone..."

"Well, you can both start with me, and if I can't get you interested enough that you can move on to Chekov without difficulty, my name isn't Nyota Uhura. Remember, I'm also paramedic for this mission, and you can't disregard medical advice just because you don't like it. If you want to get torn to bits, I can't force you, but you have no right to do that to Chekov."

"Uh..." Sulu wondered, not for the first time, why he was second in command of this mission, when Uhura was so obviously the natural leader. The way she was standing there with the tube of massage oil was positively masterful.

"Okay, let's ask Chekov," he prevaricated. Chekov, the exaggerated pornographic images fresh in his mind, would put a stop to this.

Uhura nodded and led the way to the bridge, where Chekov was whistling plangent Russian hymn tunes as he recalibrated the sensors. He turned and looked at them.

"Yes?" he said, suspiciously.

"Mister Spock has suggested something else," Sulu began explaining. "He thinks, if he... were to have sex with all three of us, there's a possibility, not a certainty, that a permanent bond wouldn't be formed."

"I have already said that I am willing," Chekov reminded them.

"I know, but this is a little different. You might be willing to go to bed with Mister Spock, but have reservations about doing it as a foursome."

"Well, as it happens, I do not," Chekov snapped.

"Okay, good," Sulu replied, wondering how on earth the ensign had gotten himself into such a bad mood. "Over to you, Lieutenant."

Uhura glared at him. "Right. The next question is, have you ever been to bed with a man before?"

"Of course I haven't."

"There's no of course about it," she reproved primly. "But..."

"But I have read a book about it."

She raised a very Spock-like eyebrow. "What book?"

Chekov glanced at the computer screen behind him but didn't say anything so Sulu took a step forward and read out what was printed there. "The Ass Book, a Practical Guide to Bum Banditry, by Patrick Gayle." He looked at Uhura, whose massage oil was suddenly nowhere in sight. "I think I'm going to be ill."

Uhura peered over his shoulder. "Chekov, this was published in 1994. Your thoroughness astounds me, but couldn't you find something more up to date?"

He shrugged. "There was not very much in the library here. I am assuming the principles have not changed too much."

"No, well..." Uhura began.

"It recommends using massage oil..." The lieutenants' eyes met guiltily. "And, well, it was not a problem in 1994, but I don't think it would have recommended a Vulcan undergoing pon farr as your first partner. I was thinking, it might be a good idea..." Chekov trailed off.

"Go on," Sulu said, feeling the trap closing in.

"No. It wasn't really a good idea at all."

"For you and I to... break each other in?"

Chekov shrugged. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended," Sulu said airily. "I'm beyond being offended. Nothing will ever offend me again at this rate.

Chekov swung out of his seat and started peeling his tunic.

"Now what the hell are you doing?"

"Getting undressed," the ensign explained. "We can go somewhere else if you like, but I am on duty..."

"Hold on," Sulu said. His colleagues looked at him expectantly. After a moment, Uhura crossed her arms, grabbed the hem of her red dress and pulled it off over her head. She shivered.

"It is cold, isn't it?" Chekov said sympathetically.

"Sure is. Sulu, I need you to keep me warm."

The helmsman glanced uncomfortably at Chekov. "Are you two really sure you want to do this? I mean, I know we have to do something, but... wouldn't it be easier if I just wait until Mister Spock is completely out of control and then shoot myself immediately afterwards? I think that would be easier all round really..."

Uhura shook her head.

"Chekov?" Sulu made one final appeal for restraint. The ensign finished undressing, paying no attention to him.

Sulu went over to the environmental controls and overrode the preset level to give them a couple more degrees of heat. When he turned back, his colleagues were wrapped in each other's arms. Uhura smiled encouragingly over Chekov's shoulder and held out her hand to the helmsman.

"I felt such a fool," Sulu said, as McCoy dialled up the records of the four officers on his office computer.

"Why, what happened then?"

"Well... nothing. There wasn't really time. I asked Chekov again if he was really sure he was willing to go ahead. I suppose I was still hoping he'd say no. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I didn't like being in control of the situation. I wanted it to just... get out of control, be taken out of my hands. I was willing to... to be carried along by events, I suppose. Anyhow, that was when Spock came in."

"Mm. And?" McCoy prompted.

"He was, um, naked. And, uh, very much aroused. And that was when I hit Chekov."

McCoy glanced up from the stylus whose patterned barrel had been claiming nine tenths of his attention. "You hit Chekov? Why?"

Sulu shrugged. "He laughed. I was worried... I was worried it would have the sort of effect someone giggling would have on me. I wasn't sure what kind of damage that might do to Mister Spock."

"It wouldn't be logical for him to have the kind of fragile ego that falls apart because of the odd giggle," McCoy said.

"No. I didn't mean that. I meant, well, I knew Mister Spock had to go through with some kind of sexual act, and I wasn't sure what would happen if he..."

"Couldn't maintain an erection? Hm. Good point. So you hit Chekov. Just a slap?"

"Yes. Only... well, I don't know anything about Vulcans and sex. I don't think I want to. Maybe they beat each other up as foreplay. Spock just went mad. He grabbed Chekov and threw him down on the deck. I tried to drag him off, and Uhura tried to help me, and of course, once we were all touching like that, the mindmeld took effect. It was... weird, as if I was all four of us at once. Uhura was just thinking about... about getting Chekov out of the way and doing... doing whatever was necessary, Spock's mind was like some kind of inferno, I can't describe it, and Chekov... Chekov was thinking about all that gay pornography he'd been looking at, and about what Mister Spock looked like when he walked in, and... and he kept laughing."

McCoy nodded. "Vulcan erectile tissue works on a totally different principle to the human variety. Instead of becoming engorged with an increased blood supply, the wall of each cell actually contracts, so that the cells become very rigid but smaller. So, yes, an aroused Vulcan would look a little... diminished."

"Yes, well. I ordered him to shut up, but it came out that Uhura ordered him to shut up... Anyhow, he did. Shut up, I mean. And just about then Mister Spock... uh, he finished."

"Climaxed?"

"Yes. Uh... That seemed pretty human. Anyhow, that was it. It took about two minutes in total. I couldn't believe it was over that quickly. But I suppose if you're a polite Vulcan lady, a hundred and twenty seconds of uncontrolled passion once every seven years might seem like an awful imposition. So, we all had a few bruises, but no other side effects, except that Chekov isn't talking to me. I'm not sure if it's because I hit him or what. Mister Spock went off and cleaned up and then he just carried on as if nothing had happened... No, he did thank me and Uhura privately for what he called 'our assistance in a difficult situation'. I'm not sure if he spoke to Chekov. I assume he did."

"I'll talk to Chekov," McCoy reassured the lieutenant. "But I doubt if he's mad at you. There's a story, I can't remember the details, about some hero who goes out to battle a terrible monster, and when he tracks it down, it's exactly as everyone described it, but only a few inches tall. Sort of St George and the gecko."

Sulu thought for a moment. "Yes. That's about it. Only don't say that to Mister Spock, Doctor. Please?"