The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, all rights reserved. The following transcript is in no way a substitute for the show "The X-Files" and is merely meant as a homage. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, or Fox Entertainment. It was painstakingly typed out
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Musings of a Ciggarette-Smoking Man
SCENE 1
WASHINGTON, D.C.
(An abandoned building. The rats scurry along the floor as the door creaks open. One rat remains still until a cigarette falls next to
him, in front of a large man's feet. The man, the Cigarette-Smoking Man, steps on the cigarette and stares at the broken windows
across the dark room. He sets down a suitcase on a table, then pulls out his cigarettes and a lighter. The gold lighter has "Trust No
One" engraved in it. He flicks up the top and lights the cigarette, then pops open the suitcase to reveal a switchboard. He flicks one
of the switches, then raises a small antenna. A few small red lights flick on and a hum sounds. He plugs a pair of headphones in,
sits, and adjusts the headphones on his ears. Scully can be heard in the headphones.)
LANGLY: ...elaborate and dark conspiracy.
SCULLY: Look at you, you're shaking.
MULDER: One at a time, boys. Now what's going on?
LANGLY: Frohike's close...
FROHIKE: Don't use my name! What the hell's wrong with you? Now I'll have to kill you!
BYERS: Langly and I performed three sweeps...
FROHIKE: He's everywhere. He's everywhere.
BYERS: ...with the CPM-seven-hundred and did not detect a single bug.
FROHIKE: The CPM-seven-hundred is a piece of crap!
BYERS: The acoustic correlator is reading only passive sounds.
MULDER: I've been here twenty minutes and I still don't know what the hell is wrong! No one would kill you, Frohike, you're just
a little puppy-dog.
FROHIKE: I don't utter another syllable until the CSM-twenty-five countermeasure filter is activated.
(There is static and a warbling sound. The Cigarette-Smoking Man flips another switch marked "Countermeasure Filter" and the
sound quickly returns.)
BYERS: No electronic surveillance known can cut through the CSM-twenty-five.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man smiles and starts to take out a tripod from a suitcase.)
SCULLY: Okay, okay. Now tell us what you're so close to.
FROHIKE: Not a "what." A "who." If you find the right starting point and follow it, not even secrets of the darkest of men are
safe.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man locks the main part of a sniper rifle onto the tripod.)
MULDER: Cancer Man? What did you find?
FROHIKE: Possibly everything. Maybe his background.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man hooks the nozzle onto the gun and aims it at a door with a sign that reads:
"THE LONG GUNMEN
Publishers of
"The Magic Bullet"
Magazine"
The scope is bright green, the crosshairs centered.)
Who he is, and who he wants to be.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man leans back uneasily, content to wait.)
August twentieth, 1940, Mexico City. A Stalinist agent assassinated Leon Trotsky with an icepick. At that same moment, a
thousand miles north, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, he appears. The father was an ardent Communist activist. During the Nazi-Soviet
pact, he kept the N.K.V.D. informed about American plans to enter World War II. He was executed under the Espionage Act of
1917... before his boy could walk.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man takes another drag off his cigarette and looks down, his face in shadows.)
The mother, a cigarette smoker, died of lung cancer... before her son uttered his first word. With no surviving family, he became a
ward of the state, sent to various orphanages in the Midwest. Didn't make friends, spent all his time reading... alone... and then...
he appears to have vanished... until a year and a half after the Bay of Pigs.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man shows no emotion.)
PART I
"Things really did go well in Dealey Plaza."
SCENE 33
WASHINGTON, D.C.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man looks out the window, a flashing red light illuminating the door to the Lone Gunmen's hide-out. He
flicks the radio on again.)
FROHIKE: ...might have been desperate.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man puts on his headphones again.)
At that point, your work in the basement was getting attention on the top floor. That's why you were brought in.
SCENE 35
WASHINGTON, D.C.
(The crosshairs haven't moved, the gun still trained on the door to the informants' office in the present day.)
FROHIKE: Henry David Thoreau wrote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man is holding the gun, aiming it, getting the feel for it.)
His life has been anything but quiet, yet I believe nothing but desperate. He's the most dangerous man alive, not so much
because he believes in his actions, but because he believes his actions are all which life allows him.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man looks up, still showing no emotion.)
And yet... the only person that can never escape him... is himself.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man takes his headphones off.)
SCENE 38
WASHINGTON, D.C.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man loads a bullet into the chamber of the sniper rifle, ready.)
FROHIKE: So far, this is based only on a story I read in one of my weekly subscriptions that rang a bell. I'm going out to
check on the private hacker source that has been working on tracking a few leads that can produce definitive proof, and then
we'll have him nailed.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man pulls back the hammer as Frohike walks out of the building, then looks around. The crosshairs
are directly on his head.)
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: I can kill you whenever I please...
(He squeezes on the trigger, then lets the hammer rock back, releasing the trigger. Frohike walks down the street, dimly lit in the
red lights.)
But not today.
(The Cigarette-Smoking Man starts to pack up his belongings, content in his position of power over his enemies.)
[THE END]
Transcripts taken from DrWeesh's X-Files Script Archive at http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~gjm5xx/
A full transcript of this episode is available at http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~gjm5xx/transcrp/scrp407.htm
