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The cast, in order of appearance:
| the voice of MISSION CONTROL | Kent Perkins |
| PROFESSOR HIKITA, a scientist | Robert Ito |
| MARINE LIEUTENANT | Radford Polinsky |
| GENERAL CATBURD | William Travis |
| PERFECT TOMMY, a Hong Kong Cavalier | Lewis Smith |
| RENO NEVADA, a Hong Kong Cavalier | Pepe Serna |
| BUCKAROO BANZAI, partical physicist,
rock star, neurosurgeon, etc. |
Peter Weller |
| NEW JERSEY, another neurosurgeon | Jeff Goldblum |
| RAWHIDE, a Hong Kong Cavalier | Clancy Brown |
| SENATOR CUNNINGHAM | Mariclare Costello |
| SECRETARY OF DEFENSE | Matt Clark |
| DOCTOR EMILIO LIZARDO, a scientist
LORD JOHN WHORFIN, an evil alien dictator |
John Lithgow |
| ANCHORWOMAN | Francine Lembi |
| HOSPITAL GUARD | Jonathan Banks |
| ARTIE DUNCAN, a New Jersey club manager | Leonard Gaines |
| PENNY PRIDDY, Buckaroo Banzai's ex-wife's
identical twin |
Ellen Barkin |
| RADAR BLAZE 1 | Robert Gray |
| RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED) | Gary Bisig |
| JOHN BIGBOOTE, a Red Lectroid | Christopher Lloyd |
| JOHN O'CONNOR, a Red Lectroid | Vincent Schiavelli |
| JOHN GOMEZ, a Red Lectroid | Dan Hedaya |
| REPORTERS | Raye Burke
Jane Maria Robins |
| BLACK LECTROID WING COMMANDER | Jessie Lawrence Ferguson |
| MOTORCYCLE EXHIBITOR | Reed Morgan |
| BUBBA, a duck hunter | James Keane |
| BURT, a duck hunter | Kenneth Imagee |
| JOHN PARKER, a Black Lectroid diplomat | Carl Lumbly |
| HIGHWAY PATROLMAN | John David Ashton |
| SCOOTER LINDLEY, a Junior Blue Blaze Irregular | Damon Hines |
| CASPER LINDLEY, Scooter's father | Bill Henderson |
| MRS. JOHNSON, Buckaroo's secretary | Laura Harrington |
| JOHN GANT, Black Lectroid thermopod pilot | Kevin Sullivan |
| BILLY TRAVERS, a Hong Kong Cavalier | Michael Santoro |
| PINKY CARRUTHERS, a Blue Blaze Irregular | Billy Vera |
| SAM, the jet car mechanic | uncredited |
| JOHN EMDALL, Black Lectroid leader | Rosalind Cash |
| PRESIDENT WIDMARK | Ronald Lacey |
| SMIRNOFF, the National Security Advisor | Yakov Smirnov |
| JOHN YAYA, a Red Lectroid | James Rosin |
| KOLODNY BROTHERS | Sam Minsky
Robert Hummer |
| RUGSUCKER | Gerald Peterson |
-----------
Film leader appears, counting down, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...
RAWHIDE (voiceover):
The following unedited footage has been declassified by theA picture appears on the screen, a pair of feet as shot from above.
Banzai Institute for Biomedical Enigineering and Strategic Information.
RAWHIDE:
Nineteen fifty-five; the American Southwest. The United StatesThe camera swings up unsteadily to show five people in an arid, desertlike surrounding.
enters the rapid race to develop ever more sophisticated weapons,
resurrecting maverick professor Toichi Hikita's work in electromagnetic
particle acceleration despite the dismal record of failure that's dogged
the project since the late nineteen thirties.
RAWHIDE:
Dr. Masado Banzai, preeminent Japanese quantum theorist,The scene shifts to a picnic setting shaded from the desert sun by large umbrella.
joins Professor Hikita and declares himself anxious to work for the
forces of freedom. Dr. Banzai sires a precocious son. Enamored of
the great American west, tags the tiny child Buckaroo, a tribute to
his adopted homeland.
RAWHIDE:
Dr. Sandra Banzai, Texas born pioneer in negative mass propulsion.Another scene shift, this time to the preparations for the jetcar test.
Wife of Masado Banzai.
Thus Buckaroo, though racially mixed, a boy like any other. Possessing
what all children most require; a pair of loving parents.
RAWHIDE:
Given a second chance after his secret, pre-war laboratory disasterMASADO BANZAI and GEORGE CAMPBELL are in the jetcar doing a final check. At the
at Princeton, Professor Hikita finds new life at the Texas School of
Mines assembling a team crack scientists willing to gamble he's right
in the daring assertion that man can indeed pass unharmed through
solid matter. Sir Godwin Lloyd-Jones of Cambridge, a brainy, affable
limey, co-developer with Whitehead and Lord Russell of the world's most
advanced theoretical gravity catapult, travels to Texas to join Masado
Banzai for the first test of a radically redesigned oscillation overthruster.
RAWHIDE:
A sudden, precipitous rise in cockpit temperature, later traced to aPROF. HIKITA pulls BUCKAROO BANZAI and SIR GODWIN LLOYD-JONES to safety behind
crude incendiary device planted in the two man speed vehicle by none
other than Hanoi Xan.
RAWHIDE:
Tragically, three lives are lost.Scrolling title appears. (does not appear in Editor's Print)
Somewhere in the desert. Team Banzai is preparing BUCKAROO BANZAI's
jet car for a bold
assault on the dimensional barrier. The jet car, a highly modified
Ford pickup truck, is parked
near the launch grid. Shots of jet car, crew members running
around.
VOICE:
Launch control is having trouble verifying mass accelleration.VOICE:
Team Banzai rotational supervisor, please confirm.
It's Reno.VOICE:
I want an electromagnetic field reading from the launch pad.VOICE:
Reno.A limousine pulls away from in front of a concrete blockhouse. Inside, members of Team Banzai are going through various final checklists. A technician is seated at a control console.
MISSION CONTROL:
T minus seven zero and holding. Antigravity inertial reversal crosscheck.VOICE:
Can we have a photographic printout brought into the bunker, please?MISSION CONTROL:
T minus six zero three and holding, laser positive, latch compressors.PROF. HIKITA is at another console.
PROF. HIKITA:
Multistage axial compressors... latched.VOICE:
Fuel pressure eighteen hundred torrs.
Power source output zero, zero, niner. Oxygenation.
Commence <unintelligible> launch sequence. Clear the launch gridOutside, the ground crew rolls the jet car into position.
A Marine officer walks into the blockhouse and talks to GENERAL CATBURD.
GENERAL CATBURD:
You're kidding. He's still at the hospital? ... Banzai hasn't showedPERFECT TOMMY and RENO NEVADA, two of the Hong Kong Cavaliers, are sitting off to the
yet, Mr. Secretary. Looks like he's got cold feet.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Well, better go see what's keepin' the boss, Reno.RENO NEVADA:
Why me?PERFECT TOMMY:
'Cause I'm busy.Cut to a hospital operating room. BUCKAROO BANZAI and NEW JERSEY, wearing scrubs, are
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
May I have the curved deoscibule, please?NURSE'S VOICE:
It's not here, Dr. Banzai.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Uhhh... let me have the straight one then.NEW JERSEY:
See, this is the part, where for me, it started to look like aBUCKAROO BANZAI:
problem. You know, I wanted to sacrifice the procentral vein in
order to get some exposure, but because of this guy's normal
variation, I got excited, and all of a sudden I didn't know
whether I was looking at the procentral vein, or one of the
internal cerebral veins, or the vein of Galen, or the vasular
vein of Rosenthal. So, on my own, me, at this point, I was
ready to say that's it, let's get out.
You can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there mayCut to desert, then to interior of blockhouse.
be normal variation, when you get right down to it, this far inside
the head it all looks the same.No, no, no, no, no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be
attached to.
MISSION CONTROL:
This is control. O2 vents are closed. Looks good.Cut to observer's gallery outside the operating room. RAWHIDE is dictating into a tape recorder.
RAWHIDE:
Dr. Banzai is using a laser to vaporize the pineal tumor withoutPA VOICE:
damaging the quadrogeminal plate. Subcutaneous microphones are
gonna allow the patient to transmit verbal instructions to his
own brain.
Dr. Banzai's helicopter has arrived.OBSERVER:
Like... "raise my left arm"?RAWHIDE:
Or "throw the harpoon." People are gonna come from all over. ThisOperating room. BUCKAROO BANZAI and NEW JERSEY have completed the operation.
boy's an Eskimo.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
You ever thought about joining me full-time?NEW JERSEY:
What do you mean? You serious? Do you have an opening?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Uh huh. Can you sing?NEW JERSEY:
A little. Yeah. I can dance...Cut to desert. Crew mills around while a helicopter lands outside
VOICE:
Hey, it's Buckaroo.VOICE:
We have Buckaroo descending. We have him on the launch stadiumInterior of blockhouse. The countdown continues.
perimeter.
PROF. HIKITA:
Inertial control positive. T minus five four five. Resume counting.RAWHIDE walks in.
VOICE:
Hey hey, Rawhide!VOICE:
Hold up!RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
All systems righteous.(the editor's print renders the previous line as RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED): We got him. All systems righteous.)
VOICE:
Hold up, hold Buckaroo's helicopter!RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
Professor Hikita says we have a go.Cut to outside. BUCKAROO BANZAI, wearing black coveralls and hood and carrying a battered
VOICE:
We are go for launch.Interior of blockhouse. GENERAL CATBURD, carrying cup of coffee, walks over to SENATOR
GENERAL CATBURD:
I'm teeing off in an hour and a half. What's this jalopy supposedSENATOR CUNNINGHAM:
to do, anyway?
Five hundred miles an hour, General.VOICE:
Are we getting ... a counterclockwise motion, over?SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
Oh, Senator, you're so gullible.Outside. BUCKAROO BANZAI climbs into jet car, crew member shuts door, passes briefcase to
VOICE:
Please clear the launch grid, please clear the launch grid.Last-minute checks continue. BUCKAROO BANZAI settles in, places briefcase on
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. Driver's door check secure.VOICE:
... B, C, D...VOICE:
Clear the area.VOICE:
... E...Outside, crew members in flameproof suits lug fuel hoses around. In the cockpit of the jet car,
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Control, this is HB88, commander's voice check, over.MISSION CONTROL:
Roger, HB88, read you ten two, out.Shot of jet car's onboard computer display. An outline of the jet car appears.
COMPUTER VOICE:
...SINED...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Control, HB88, event timer started, over.BUCKAROO BANZAI removes overthruster from its padded case.
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. APU start is go. You are on your onboardBUCKAROO BANZAI:
computer, over.
Roger, I copy.Outside, a crew member puts air in one of the jet car's rear tires.
VOICE:
Altimeter set and cross-check. Compasses --VOICE 2:
Cross-checked.VOICE:
Reserve brake system two --VOICE 2:
Ah, closed and guarded.VOICE:
Gear handle --VOICE 2:
Down and in.In the cockpit, BUCKAROO BANZAI is pressing various buttons on the overthruster.
VOICE:
Engine start levers --VOICE 2:
Free, closed, and off.VOICE:
Number four electric hydraulic pump and press --VOICE 2:
On, and checked.VOICE:
Parking brake --VOICE 2:
Set, and press checked.VOICE:
Radios, radar, and transponder --VOICE 2:
Set, and standby.BUCKAROO BANZAI puts the overthruster into its gimbaled mount. Indicator lights and the
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. IMU alignment in progress. We show twoBUCKAROO BANZAI puts headband with Japanese characters on over his hood.
eight degrees, three six minutes, three zero point three two seconds
north by eight zero degrees, three six minutes, one four point eight
seconds west, over.
VOICE:
Synchro is aligned, out.MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. Ground crew secure, over.Outside, crew members in flameproof suits give BUCKAROO BANZAI thumbs-up and move
Quick cuts between the flame now shooting from jet car's exhaust and
crew members in the
blockhouse.
Interior of blockhouse. Countdown clock on the wall switches from 00:13 to 00:12.
VOICE:
INS RAM coordinates. Form One and fuel ticket?VOICE:
On board. Circuit breakers?PROF. HIKITA:
Point of no return. Five, four...MISSION CONTROL:
We have main engine start.PROF. HIKITA:
... three, two, one...Outside, the jet car accelerates away from the launch grid. Cut between exterior of jet car and
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Electro-nuclear carburation seems fine.In the blockhouse, SENATOR CUNNINGHAM is waving a hand-held sandlewood fan.
GENERAL CATBURD:
He's fast, I'll give Banzai that. But one heat-seeking missileQuick cuts between desert, jet car cockpit, and computer display with Mach meter rapidly
and he's history.
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. APU start is go. You're on your onboardMISSION CONTROL:
computer, over.
They are reading you on the localizer downrange. Looks good, over.Interior of blockhouse. PROF. HIKITA is excited.
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. Read main engine output, over.PROF. HIKITA:
Speed steady at three one seven nautical. Four hundred and accelerating!Cut to jet car leaving trail of dust, then the cockpit.
VOICE:
Horizontal velocity is expanding, over.The jet car is approaching the end of the course. Cut to RAWHIDE, standing outside speaking
RAWHIDE:
Five, four, three...VOICE:
Here he comes!RAWHIDE:
... two, one...The jet car swerves to the left suddenly and leaves the course.
VOICE:
Where's he going?RAWHIDE:
Yeah ha ha!Cut to shot from a helicopter pursuing the jet car.
CHASE 1:
He is off course. This is Chase One, over. He has broken trajectory.The cockpit of the jet car begins to fill with smoke, and alarms go off.
VOICE:
...eight five zero cylinder. There is an immediate fire hazard, over.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Do you read?
Roger.In the blockhouse, the crew members react.
PROF HIKITA:
Do you read?MISSION CONTROL:
Advise you abort, over. Repeat, advise you cancel phase two!Cut to jet car's onboard computer display, with picture of jet car.
COMPUTER VOICE:
... SEELED ...Back in the blockhouse, the SECRETARY OF DEFENSE whips off his sunglasses.
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
What the hell's Phase Two?Jet car cockpit. BUCKAROO BANZAI retains his cool, though alarms are still sounding.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
That's a big no can do.VOICE:
Buckaroo, are you decompressing, over?Blockhouse. Crew members are panicking. PROF. HIKITA calmly uncovers overthruster
COMPUTER VOICE:
... DELIVERED.SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
He's broken the sound barrier!!MISSION CONTROL:
Mach 1.3. Buckaroo, do you read? Commence braking procedure, over.PERFECT TOMMY:
Just be cool. She'll hold.The jet car is racing across flat terrain towards distant mountains.
VOICE:
Axis (?) (This may be Access) negative. Pneumatic pressure negative.CHASE 1:
We are looking at five hundred degrees.
We are in pursuit. He is gaining, over.MISSION CONTROL:
Eject, Buckaroo! EJECT!VOICE:
HB88, do you read? Do you read, over?Quick cuts between exterior of jet car and cockpit. A bright blue beam of light appears leading
The side of the mountain rushes up, and BUCKAROO BANZAI breaks through
to the 8th
dimension.
In the blockhouse, GENERAL CATBURD pounds on a computer console while
PROF. HIKITA
calmly watches his overthruster status display, which now reads "CROSSOVER".
VOICE:
Hotel Brava eight eight, do you read, over?GENERAL CATBURD:
Do you read, over? (Brava, rather than bravo. Particularly audible on the director's print)
What is going on?Helicopter shot of tire tracks ending at mountainside.
MISSION CONTROL:
This is Control.CHASE 1:
This is Chase One. We got his tracks, they go right up to a wall8th dimension sequence continues. Lots of blue flashes and rapidly moving electron
of rock! Holy shit!
Cut to cliff. Blue beam bursts through, followed by the jet car.
BUCKAROO BANZAI begins braking procedure. Smoke thickens in the
cockpit, and he fans it
away with his hand.
Helicopter shot of the jet car decelerating.
CHASE 2:
This is Chase Two, Chase Two. We see him, we see him.In the blockhouse, the SECRETARY OF DEFENSE looks surprised as various crew members
VOICE:
We have him.PROF. HIKITA:
Chase Two reports a visual, one hundred miles off course.
Banzai!Helicopter shot of jet car as a bright red drag chute deploys.
VOICE:
He's gone through it! He's gone through the mountain!As the jet car slows to a stop, BUCKAROO BANZAI opens the driver's side window and bails
VOICE:
There is a minimal disturbance in the electro-magnetic field.BUCKAROO BANZAI picks himself up and strips off his hood. The jet car has stopped, with
Gravity inertia is normal. Mass acceleration is normal. He is OK.
The vehicle is hot but we are showing no radioactivity, over.
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. We see you. Welcome home, over.VOICE:
We show electrical field aberrations on the windshield,BUCKAROO BANZAI walks cautiously up to the jet car. He seems completely oblivious to the radio chatter, which doesn't especially perturb MISSION CONTROL.
we are getting a localized vibration off the drive train, and a
minor oil leak. Buckaroo, can you verify operational capability?
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. We are reading an electrical field aberrationCrackling noises and ominous music as BUCKAROO BANZAI scoops up transparent slime from
of nine, nine, three, on your windshield. Static and fracture. Can
you confirm, over?
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, this is Control. Do you hear me, over? We are getting aBUCKAROO BANZAI crawls under the car to look at the driveshaft.
localized vibration on your driveshaft, can you verify, over?
MISSION CONTROL:
HB88, the retrieval vehicles will rendezvous in ten minutes, over.Under the car, BUCKAROO BANZAI pulls an alien lifeform off of the driveshaft.
Cut to DR. LIZARDO's room at the Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane.
Closeup of DR.
LIZARDO's face as he stares at his TV. Camera pulls back to show
his room, then cuts to the
TV. BUCKAROO BANZAI and the Hong Kong Cavaliers are being interviewed.
ANCHORWOMAN:
There it is. Tire tracks, right up to a wall of rock. Perfect Tommy,PROF. HIKITA:
Rawhide, Reno, you guys are the Hong Kong Cavaliers. Buckaroo's most
trusted inner circle. Could you elaborate on that device, I believe,
dubbed, the oscillator...
Oscillation overthruster.Cut back to DR. LIZARDO.
DR. LIZARDO:
Hikita!TV VOICE:
Thank you, Alison... How can I describe Buckaroo Banzai, ...DR. LIZARDO:
Dat little Asian critter!DR. LIZARDO rummages through the junk scattered around his room. He pulls a bag out from
PA VOICE:
Tranquilizers are being dispensed to all patients between 10 and 11TV VOICE:
a.m. Tuesday, Friday, and Wednesday.
...right in the horizon... Banzai blasting across the wide open spacesDR. LIZARDO throws a switch on the device. A nimbus of miniature lightning bolts surrounds
of Texas, ... the sound barrier broken, and then the dimension barrier.
It was, Buckaroo Banzai said, exactly like Professor Hikita had glimpsed,
in 1938, through the overthruster he and Dr. Emilio Lizardo put
together from spare parts in a laboratory at Princeton. 1938.
Can you imagine what it must have been like then... then... then... then...
then... then... then...
...into a flashback to PROF. HIKITA and DR. LIZARDO's laboratory, 1938.
A long track runs the
length of the room, ending at a wall. A sled-like vehicle rests
at the other end of the track. The
room contains lots of low-tech lab equipment with flashing neon tubes,
Jacob's Ladders, etc.,
all making various electrical buzzing and humming noises. DR.
LIZARDO and two assistants
are preparing the sled, while PROF. HIKITA works at the other end of
the track. DR. LIZARDO
pours shot glasses of liquor and passes them out to the assistants.
ASSISTANT:
Molto grazie, Dr. Lizardo.PROF. HIKITA picks up megaphone, yells from the other end of the room.
PROF. HIKITA:
Almost ready, Dr. Lizardo. Almost.ASSISTANT:
Electomagnets they are charging. <unintelligible> the wires.DR. LIZARDO and the assistants raise glasses, drink a toast to success. A massive relay
Meanwhile, PROF. HIKITA is absorbed in final checks. He makes
a chalk mark on the wall
where the blue beam hits. PROF. HIKITA looks back, sees DR. LIZARDO
is already on the sled.
PROF. HIKITA:
No, not yet.PROF. HIKITA waves desperately at DR. LIZARDO.
PROF. HIKITA:
No!Cut to sled. DR. LIZARDO crosses himself and puts leather helmet on. PROF. HIKITA runs to
PROF. HIKITA:
No, not yet! Not yet! I'm not ready!DR. LIZARDO ignores PROF. HIKITA, and slams a lever home. Large spark as contacts close
The sled approaches the wall at high speed. DR. LIZARDO dives
forward at the wall just before
impact. He penetrates halfway - his legs are visible, kicking
frantically.
ASSISTANT:
He did not go through the wall!PROF. HIKITA looks into scope, sees blurry humanoid figures struggling with LIZARDO's upper
PROF. HIKITA:
Holy Toledo!The two lab assistants run to the other end of the lab and haul DR. LIZARDO out of the wall.
DR. LIZARDO:
Agghhh.... ughhh... ahh ahh ahhh....DR. LIZARDO wrenches the helmet off and straightens up. His hair is standing on end.
ASSISTANT:
<italian?>... Dotore?PROF. HIKITA:
Emilio?DR. LIZARDO:
Muhhhh?DR. LIZARDO lets out an inhuman scream, grabs the two assistants, and bashes their heads
Dissolve back to DR. LIZARDO's room. He shuts off the device.
TV VOICE:
Asked what he saw, asked where he went, Dr. BanzaiDR. LIZARDO has an idea. He scuttles over to the wall and takes some notes out of his pocket.
replied, "Vast chasms of hissing swamp, spurts of flame,
huge thunderclaps, and gurgling rock formations."
PA VOICE 2 :
Lithium is no longer available on credit.DR. LIZARDO frenziedly scribbles equations on the wall with a crayon.
DR. LIZARDO:
G sub e... Jesu Christo! Make the ganglia twitch!...HOSPITAL GUARD enters. He is carrying a large box.
We're home free... home... home is where you wear your hat!
I feel so break up, I wanna go home!
HOSPITAL GUARD:
Hello, Doc. Who are we today? Albert Einstein?DR. LIZARDO:
Lord John Whorfin. If there's one thing I hate, it's to beHOSPITAL GUARD:
mistaken for some-a-body else.
Aw, cheer up, Lizardo. It's Friday. 'Nother care packageHOSPITAL GUARD puts box down. DR. LIZARDO pulls crumpled bills from a pocket and tips
from your yoyo friends.
DR. LIZARDO:
Eyy, signore ... grazie.HOSPITAL GUARD:
Thanks, Doc.He begins to unplug the television.
HOSPITAL GUARD:
I've come for your TV - the thing uses too much juice. AnotherDR. LIZARDO has opened the box. It's full of junk food.
ten thousand kilowatts again this month. Beats me how an old
homicidal loony can use that much power.
DR. LIZARDO:
Go on, take it. I don't need it. Tomorrow... I'm goin' home,HOSPITAL GUARD:
with my overthruster.
Heh heh heh. That's terrific, Doc. Heh heh. I'll make sure you get anHe takes television and walks away.
early wake-up call. Heh heh heh.
DR. LIZARDO:
Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy!That evening, backstage at a club, somewhere in New Jersey. The Hong Kong Cavaliers are
PROF. HIKITA:
Buckaroo, I've done a spectographic analysis on the specimen youPERFECT TOMMY hands BUCKAROO the viewer.
pulled off the jet car driveshaft.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Anyone we know, Tommy?PERFECT TOMMY takes viewer, looks in. There's a picture of a topless woman.
PERFECT TOMMY:
(laughs nevously)PROF. HIKITA:
Who put this dirty picture in Buckaroo's viewer?
I ran it through the centerfuge. It came up acidic.RENO:
It's dead though, right?PROF. HIKITA:
By whose standards?PERFECT TOMMY:
Looks like a roly-poly to me.RAWHIDE:
Pay the band. (?)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Uh, Rawhide, you're keen on bugs, what do you think?ARTIE DUNCAN, the manager of the club, enters. He is wearing a fedora, plaid sportcoat, and
ARTIE DUNCAN:
I don't care if you walked through a mountain in Texas. This isRENO NEVADA:
New Jersey, and when you play my... when you play my joint, you're just
another act. I want some music outta you characters.
You want it, Artie? You got it.Drums start as the Hong Kong Cavaliers take the stage. Cheering, whistles, and applause from
PERFECT TOMMY:
Let's rock 'n' roll!PA VOICE:
Ladies and gentlemen, Artie's Artery is proud to present, forThe crowd cheers. Horns join the drums. Various shots of Hong Kong Cavaliers playing
a single night only, the one, the only, the amazing
Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers!
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
'Scuse me. Excuse me. Ah, is someone out there not having aPINKY CARRUTHERS is standing in the foreground to BUCKAROO BANZAI's right. He raises
good time?
Cut to crowd. They are mystified.
CROWD:
Noooo! (assorted other yells)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Is, ahh... is somebody... is somebody crying?... out there in thePENNY PRIDDY is visible, sitting alone at a table.
darkness? Somebody crying?
PENNY PRIDDY:
(sobs)Long shot of stage. Crowd members are looking back at PENNY PRIDDY, wondering what's
Me... I'm sorry...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Ummm... could we get... could we get her a mike? And a spotlight?PERFECT TOMMY:
Uh, Tommy, could we, uh, run her a mike? Could one of you run her a mike?
Are you serious?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yeah. Run her a mike.PENNY PRIDDY:
(to PENNY PRIDDY)
What's your name?
Who cares?The crowd is getting fed up with the delay.
DRUNK:
Right!BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(sympathetically)Close up of PENNY PRIDDY. She is wearing a short pink dress and blue gloves. Her makeup is
I care. What's your name?
PENNY PRIDDY:
Penny.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Did you say "Peggy"?PENNY PRIDDY:
Nooo...Jeers from the crowd.
(sobs)
My name's Penny. Penny Priddy...
PENNY PRIDDY:
There, I said it.CROWD:
But it doesn't matter, it's not important.
(She tries to smile.)
I just had... I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, that's all.
(laughs, turns into sob)
I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town. And they wouldn't
even take my luggage in hock.
(sobs)
And I lost my room at the Y this morning.
Ooooh! Wow! (etc)PENNY PRIDDY:
(collects herself)CROWD:
But it's cool.
Somebody get her a violin!PENNY PRIDDY:
You know, it's like this jerk at the unemployment office said to me.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
He said, little girl, as long as there's a sidewalk you'll always have
a job.
(crowd laughs)
He said it as a compliment!
(to crowd)PENNY PRIDDY seems to cheer up slightly as BUCKAROO BANZAI walks over to piano, sits
Hey, hey, hey, hey now. Don't be mean. We don't have to be mean.
'Cause, remember, no matter where you go..... there you are.
VOICE IN CROWD:
He's gonna play the piano.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
I'm gonna sing this song for you, Peggy...PENNY PRIDDY:
(her face crumples, and she sobs again)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
No, Penny ....
... and anybody else out there who's lost someone.PENNY PRIDDY:
Who cares?PENNY PRIDDY picks up a pint bottle of whiskey, drinks.
Scattered applause from the crowd as BUCKAROO BANZAI starts to sing.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
I don't have plans or schemesThe song is not helping. PENNY PRIDDY is crying again.
And I don't have hopes and dreams...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
I... don't have anything...RENO NEVADA:
This is weird.RAWHIDE:
Sure is.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
...Since I don't have you...Cut to PENNY PRIDDY, who is mouthing the words to the song. The Hong Kong Cavaliers join
PERFECT TOMMY:
(to Pinky)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Who's the girl?
And I don't have fond desiresShot of couples in the crowd looking at each other lovingly.
And I don't have happy hours...
Cut to PENNY PRIDDY, looking determined. She has pulled a small
automatic pistol from her
handbag and is bringing it up to her head. Her hand is trembling.
Cut to BUCKAROO BANZAI, still singing.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
And I... don't have anything...Back to PENNY PRIDDY. She is staring at BUCKAROO BANZAI while pointing the pistol at her
Since...
Screams from the crowd. Cut to stage, where everybody in the band
is pulling guns and cocking
them. The drummer stands up and produces an Uzi from somewhere.
PENNY PRIDDY is frantically trying to hide her gun. Two BOUNCERS appear and grab her.
PENNY PRIDDY:
Let me go!BOUNCER:
Get her out of here now. Let's go.Band members aim guns at PENNY PRIDDY from the stage as she struggles with the
PENNY PRIDDY:
No! No! Let me...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Wait! Wait a minute! Wait!RAWHIDE:
Kill that spot! Kill it!BOUNCER:
(to crowd)The Hong Kong Cavaliers rush BUCKAROO BANZAI offstage. Several of them hang back to
Calm down. Calm down.
PENNY can be heard as they're dragging her off:
Give me my purse! Give me my purse!Next day. At the Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane, the HOSPITAL GUARD is sitting at a
HOSPITAL GUARD:
Where do you think you're going, Doc? The moon?DR. LIZARDO:
No. Planet Ten.DR. LIZARDO takes the phone off the hook.
Oh, Planet Ten. Why, pray tell?DR. LIZARDO:
(on phone)HOSPITAL GUARD:
Operator!
Doc, put down the phone.DR. LIZARDO:
Operator! I wanna make a call to Mr. John Bigbooty, at-aThe HOSPITAL GUARD looks annoyed. He gets up.
Yoyodyne Propulsions-a Systems, over in Grover's Mill. And you
tell him that it's John Whorfin calling. That's W-H-O-R-F-I-N,
you got that, honey? John! J-O-H-N!
HOSPITAL GUARD:DR. LIZARDO grabs the HOSPITAL GUARD by the neck and lifts him off his feet. He twists the
This better be collect, Doc.
DR. LIZARDO:
Bigbooty!... Of course it's me, you fool, who do you think?Electronic beeps are audible in the background.
The time has come, Bigbooty. Prepare for my return!...
Well, haven't you heard? Don't you watch-a TV?
DR. LIZARDO:
Banzai and Hikita have done it!More beeps.
DR. LIZARDO:
They have opened the window!DR. LIZARDO has dropped the HOSPITAL GUARD's corpse on the floor, and is fishing through
DR. LIZARDO:
Si. Si. Meet-a me at the factory. And get their overthruster!DR. LIZARDO unlocks the door. Near it, an INMATE is playing an arcade-style Buckaroo Banzai
And Hikita, too! Sure, alive...
No, no. Don't worry about me. I'll get my own ride.
VIDEO GAME:
Green command base captured.DR. LIZARDO pauses, nods to the inmate, then sees the video game. He rips something off the
(beeps)
Evil will not prevail.
That was ...
Arrivaderci, good bye, good bye to all...Exterior shot of BUCKAROO BANZAI's black and yellow double-decker tour bus on the highway.
(sings in Italian)
PERFECT TOMMY:
Spittin' image.RENO NEVADA:
Doesn't look anything like her, to me.PERFECT TOMMY:
Pictures don't lie.RENO NEVADA:
Hell they don't... met my first wife that way.PERFECT TOMMY:
It's Peggy to these eyes. It's the same nose, it's the same hair...BUCKAROO BANZAI is kneeling on the floor, holding a samurai sword. He bows to a small
PERFECT TOMMY:
Plus, Buckaroo has to think so too, or else he wouldn't beBUCKAROO BANZAI gets up, puts the sword in a rack on the wall. RAWHIDE enters. Comments from the communications center can be heard faintly in the background.
ready to make a fool of himself.
RAWHIDE:
Just hot off the World Watch Wire, Buckaroo. Thought you'dBUCKAROO BANZAI:
wanna be notified. Remember that old Eyetalian pal of the
professor's?
Emilio Lizardo.RAWHIDE:
Yeah. Well, last night he kills a guard and breaks out ofRENO NEVADA:
the Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane. Ten minutes
later he cops a Maserati Bora?... Totalled it, a block away.
Holy moly.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
A Maserati Bora.RAWHIDE:
Mm-hmm. That ain't all. He's vanished. Thin air.PERFECT TOMMY:
Doctor Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.RENO NEVADA:
This guy's a top scientist, dummkopf.PERFECT TOMMY:
So was Mr. Wizard.RAWHIDE:
Dr. Emilio Lizardo's a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy. AExterior of bus, still speeding down the highway. Cut to communications center inside. Two
vicious psychopath. Just as soon kill you as go fishin'.
RADAR BLAZE 1:
Buckaroo. Look at this.RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
Looks like a normal high-altitude electrostatic disturbanceRADAR BLAZE 1:
moving down over Connecticut.
From the jet car, do you think?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
No... Not from the jet car. Check with NORAD Command.Exterior of the New Brunswick Police Station. NEW JERSEY is standing outside, wearing
Could be above-ground atomic testing in China, maybe
sunspot activity... Man, that's strange.
RADIO:
Scientists at the Strategic Space Command have detectedThe bus pulls up. BUCKAROO BANZAI, RENO NEVADA, and PERFECT TOMMY exit the bus
a mysterious radioactive cloud-like mass over southern New
England. Senate sources close to the National Security
Consortium have refused to comment. Alright, let's get on
back to three great modern country hits in a row...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Sidney.NEW JERSEY:
Buckaroo!BUCKAROO BANZAI:
How's the patient?NEW JERSEY:
Oh, fine, he's doing fine, thanks to you. But more importantly,BUCKAROO BANZAI:
congratulations! You drove through a mountain!
I did.NEW JERSEY:
You drove right through a mountain the other day! You did itBUCKAROO BANZAI interrupts NEW JERSEY.
right after you left me at the operation, you hadn't even said
anything about it, you didn't even mention that you were gonna
do it...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Uh, Sidney. Sidney, these are my friends... this is my colleague,RENO NEVADA:
Dr. Sidney Zweibel, old medical friend from Columbia P & S.
Howdy.NEW JERSEY:
How dee do.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Listen, Sidney, I'm glad you could make it, because it looks likeNEW JERSEY:
we may need an extra hand sooner than I thought.
Ah hah. I see. An extra hand. Yeah, that's what I was wonderingBUCKAROO BANZAI:
about. I got your message about rendezvousing at this address,
barely had time to pack my saddlebags, then I came here...
Yeah, I can see that. Well, I'm gonna snoop around. MakeBUCKAROO BANZAI enters the police station. NEW JERSEY turns to the others.
yourself at home.
NEW JERSEY:
Okay. Ahh... you know, I thought we were gonna rehearse orPERFECT TOMMY:
something. Uh... You know I'm a big fan of all you guys. I love the
comic books and the records... I know you, you're Pecos.
(offended)NEW JERSEY:
Perfect Tommy.
Perfect Tommy... I'm sorry. You're... you're Pecos.RENO NEVADA:
Pecos is in Tibet. Name's Reno.NEW JERSEY:
Reno. It's an honor.PERFECT TOMMY:
Where do ya hail from, Doc?NEW JERSEY:
Ah, New Jersey. Fort Lee.RENO NEVADA:
Where're your spurs at?NEW JERSEY:
(to PERFECT TOMMY)Interior of the police station. A GUARD lets BUCKAROO BANZAI into the cellblock.
What, is he making fun of me?
GUARD:
Third cell on the left. Pink dress.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Arigato.BUCKAROO BANZAI walks over to PENNY PRIDDY's cell. She is lying on the bunk.
PENNY PRIDDY:
(angrily)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
What do you want? Huh? What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?PENNY PRIDDY:
Why don't you just go away and let me rot?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Who were you really trying to annihilate last night?PENNY PRIDDY:
You... just like the papers all say.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Come over here. C'mon.Cut to PERFECT TOMMY walking down the cellblock. He flinches as a hand reaches out from
PRISONER:
Oh my Gawwwwd, Perfect Tommy!PENNY PRIDDY moves up to the bars separating her from BUCKAROO BANZAI. She is
PENNY PRIDDY:
What do you want from me?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Oh... you remind me of someone I once knew, long ago.PENNY PRIDDY:
Was she... very beautiful?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(wistfully)PENNY PRIDDY:
She was... Queen of the Netherlands.
(smiling slightly)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
That's a long way from where I come from.
Wyoming? Cody, Wyoming?PENNY PRIDDY:
(surprised)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
No... I'm from Laramie... Except that I was born in Cody. But nobody...
You have family? Back in Cody, I mean?Quick shot of PERFECT TOMMY banging his head gently against the wall as he realizes
PENNY PRIDDY:
I don't know. See, I always felt that there was an.. another part ofBUCKAROO BANZAI:
me somewhere...
Another part of you.PENNY PRIDDY:
Somewhere, yeah. I ... I'm adopted.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Of course!BUCKAROO BANZAI snaps his fingers and slaps the bars of the cell.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
If it was a snake, it'd have bit me! Another you...PENNY PRIDDY:
Anything's possible...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(turning to PERFECT TOMMY)PRISONER:
Let her out.
Heyyyy, me too.PERFECT TOMMY:
Let her out??BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yeah, let her out. I'll be responsible.PERFECT TOMMY:
(astonished)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
But she's a killer!
Naw, she's not. And give her your coat.PERFECT TOMMY:
Why me?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Because you're perfect.PERFECT TOMMY mulls this over. He has no choice but to agree.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Ah...The conference. A quick shot of JOHN BIGBOOTE stuffing his pockets with packs of sugar from
(smiles)
You have a point there.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(whispering introductions)As BUCKAROO sits down, PROF. HIKITA hands him some papers
Professor Toichi Hikita, Penny Priddy. Senator Margaret Cunningham from New Jersey.
PROF. HIKITA:
Lizardo.PENNY PRIDDY looks around the gathering, mouth agape, then realizes she's the only
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(to HIKITA)PROF. HIKITA:
Yes, uh...Reno's going to hang around, go with you for a couple
of days. Okay?
Are you kidding? I can take care of myself.Later. A hotel conference room. RENO NEVADA, PERFECT TOMMY, the SECRETARY OF
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
I'd like to, ah... move this thing along. Perhaps some of youThe SECRETARY OF DEFENSE smiles. Nobody laughs at his little joke.
noticed, we have a motorcycle convention rolling in here,
we're a little short of time. Besides, I don't imagine you came
here to listen to me talk.
PERFECT TOMMY:
You're right.Military officers in the audience snicker. The SECRETARY OF DEFENSE angrily grabs
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
Without further ado, I'd like to, ah, introduce a young man whoThe audience applauds. A WOMAN REPORTER ogles BUCKAROO BANZAI as he stands up
yesterday took our notions of reality and turned them inside
out... Doctor, ah, Buckaroo Banzai. Perhaps you can explain
yourself.
WOMAN REPORTER:
Oooooh.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Mr. Secretary, Senator Cunningham, members of the world press...Cut to exterior shot of the BLACK LECTROID command ship in earth orbit. The BLACK
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Thirty years ago, almost to this day, my mother and father,Interior of BLACK LECTROID command ship. The WING COMMANDER is seated, listening to
Drs. Sandra and Masado Banzai, gave their lives for what
was then considered to be a very insane notion - the possibility
of contacting alien life.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
However, not on another planet, but here. Maybe rightConference room.
inside this table. Living on a simultaneous plane of
existence with our own.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Perhaps... within a mountain.Quick shot of JOHN GOMEZ staring at BUCKAROO BANZAI and PROF. HIKITA.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
See this rock? It's solid matter, right? But in point of fact,Cut to NEW JERSEY, sitting next to SENATOR CUNNINGHAM. He doesn't realize his mike is
the solid parts of this rock, the neutrons, quarks, protons, and
electrons comprise only about one quadrillionth of its total
volume.
NEW JERSEY:
(to SENATOR CUNNINGHAM)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
How many zeros is that?
Quite a few.NEW JERSEY flinches, smiles guiltily, and covers the mike with his hand.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
The rest of this rock is actually only empty space. So, back ina reporter interrupts.
1937, Professor Hikita here and Dr. Emilio Lizardo...
REPORTER:
Excuse me. Is that the same Lizardo that just...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. The same old ugly snoot youPROF. HIKITA:
probably woke up to in today's paper. Anyway, Dr. Lizardo
and Professor Hikita...
...figured that if solid matter was mostly just empty space, then a
person should be able to discover a way to travel inside things.
We at the Banzai Institute have at last found that way. We havePROF. HIKITA holds up overthruster, which makes beeping noises. JOHN O'CONNOR stares
created a device called an "oscillation overthruster"...
PROF. HIKITA:
... which systematically reorders matter by, uh, annihilatingCut to PENNY PRIDDY. She has had a flash of insight.
electrons, positrons...
PENNY PRIDDY:
Oh, oh, I get it! What you're saying is that oppositely chargedBUCKAROO BANZAI is impressed. The audience laughs indulgently. PENNY PRIDDY
particles collide and blow each other up in a burst of energy.
Like a tiny Big Bang, like a... a... a... b-b-Baby Bang!
PENNY PRIDDY:
Well, I'm, uh, probably just, uh, stating the very obvious.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(angrily, to herself)
Shut UP, Penny... shut UP...
No, no, it's not obvious at all. If it was obvious, everybodyPENNY PRIDDY gives BUCKAROO BANZAI a worshipful look.
would be doing it every day.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
See, by all accounts, it appears as though I literally went rightBUCKAROO BANZAI slams rock down on table.
through a mountain. But you could take that mountain, and
pulverize it...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
... and sift through it like breadcrumbs for the rest of your naturalBUCKAROO BANZAI pulls cover from a large beaker containing the alien thing he pulled from
life, and you would never, ever, find.... This.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
And yet, this living organism came out of that mountain in TexasPENNY PRIDDY:
with me, even though I was never inside that mountain!
No. You were inside the space that that mountain occupies.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Precisely correct. And you know what? A hundred million yearsRADAR BLAZE 2 (ED) comes in, walks up to BUCKAROO BANZAI.
from now, that mountain in Texas may not even be there. But that
space will still be there.
RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
President's calling, Buckaroo.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(distracted)RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
The president of what?
The President of the United States.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Oh.PERFECT TOMMY:
(gives rock to PERFECT TOMMY)
Here.
Later.VOICE:
Dr. Banzai...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
So. Where is he?BUCKAROO BANZAI and ED walk to the other side of the stage, towards the exit.
Is he still delerious?
RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
Can't tell. It's real fuzzy. I patched him through to a pay phoneAs they pass behind PENNY PRIDDY, the overthruster beeps again. PENNY PRIDDY turns
down the hall.
PENNY PRIDDY:
Uh, Buckaroo, you... you forgot your thruster.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Why don't you hold onto it for a while?PENNY PRIDDY:
Oh... anytime.PENNY PRIDDY gazes lustfully at BUCKAROO BANZAI as he leaves the room.
PROF. HIKITA:
Could we have the first slide please?WOMAN REPORTER:
What about the Pentagon?The SECRETARY OF DEFENSE is not paying attention. PERFECT TOMMY taps him on the
WOMAN REPORTER:
The possibility of war in the 8th dimension, Mr. Secretary?SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
What???Cut to service corridor in the hotel. BUCKAROO BANZAI, ED, and NEW JERSEY are walking
RADAR BLAZE (ED):
It seemed like a strange connection even back in the bus.(they mention something about the 'Elephant Bravo' code)
A Blue Blaze hands BUCKAROO BANZAI the phone.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Thanks, Judge.On board the command ship, the WING COMMANDER is listening. The BLACK LECTROIDS
Mr. President? Some kind of interference... Hello? Mr. President?
Mr. President?
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Mr. President, hello? Hello, Mr. President?Back to phone booth. BUCKAROO BANZAI hears nothing but weird noises on the phone.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
What's going on?NEW JERSEY:
Maybe it's just a...a prankster? Some computer whiz kid?RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
Not with Elephant Bravo.NEW JERSEY:
Oh, Elephant Bravo...RADAR BLAZE 2 (ED):
Not with an Alpha clearance.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Alpha clearance? Hello? Mr...RAWHIDE:
(to ED)
Look, Ed, go back to the bus, and reroute this call to the President's
private suite at Walter Reed Hospital.
Yeah, make sure this is on the level. We're busy people here.BUCKAROO BANZAI closes the door to the phone booth.
NEW JERSEY:
(to RAWHIDE)Cut to command ship. The WING COMMANDER presses a button.
Does the President call him a lot?
Phone booth. A spark arcs between the phone handset and BUCKAROO
BANZAI's ear. He
grimaces in pain.
RAWHIDE slams the phone booth door open and grabs BUCKAROO BANZAI.
Sparks jump
between them and BUCKAROO BANZAI falls to the floor.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Ahhhhh! Let's go...pencil! Pen! Quick! Anything!NEW JERSEY bends down to help BUCKAROO BANZAI.
RAWHIDE:
Don't touch him!NEW JERSEY gets a shock when he touches BUCKAROO BANZAI, who is now frantically
NEW JERSEY:
What's he writing?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Conference Room!Cut to interior of command ship. WING COMMANDER is still eavesdropping.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Conference room! Let's go!WING COMMANDER:
Launch thermopod.A CREW MEMBER presses a button. Exterior shot of ship as the thermopod separates from it
Conference room. BUCKAROO BANZAI appears at exit and stares at the audience.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
There they are.VOICE:
Dr. Banzai?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Don't you see them?RAWHIDE:
Whaddaya mean? Who?BUCKAROO BANZAI points accusingly at JOHN O'CONNOR and JOHN GOMEZ. He can see
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Evil! Pure and simple from the 8th dimension! Get them!JOHN O'CONNOR and JOHN GOMEZ freeze for a second, then jump up. BUCKAROO BANZAI
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Lectroids! Get 'em!Audience panics. JOHN BIGBOOTE appears onstage and grabs PROF. HIKITA by the neck,
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Lectroids!JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Okay, wise guy!JOHN BIGBOOTE shoots RENO NEVADA, who falls.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Let those gunbelts hit the floor! Nobody follows, or the Prof is history!JOHN BIGBOOTE drags PROF. HIKITA off the stage. Nobody can stop him, since he's holding
NEW JERSEY and PENNY PRIDDY rush to help RENO. BUCKAROO BANZAI
follows the RED
LECTROIDS down the service corridor, out ramp to the street, where
motorcycles are being
unloaded from a truck. He sees them throw something into the
back of a van and speed away.
BUCKAROO BANZAI hesitates, then commandeers one of the motorcycles.
EXHIBITOR:
Hey, wait a minute! You can't ride that!BUCKAROO BANZAI starts the motorcycle and pulls away in pursuit of the van.
EXHIBITOR:
It's Buckaroo Banzai!Shots of van. Screeching tires, etc.
Service corridor. PERFECT TOMMY is looking for BUCKAROO BANZAI.
Suddenly RAWHIDE
appears around a corner. They point guns at each other.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Hold it!RAWHIDE:
Freeze!BUCKAROO BANZAI on motorcycle. He's lost the van. He makes a wide circle in the middle of
Somewhere out in the wilds of New Jersey. Two hunters, BUBBA and
BURT, are slogging
through the brush with a dog.
BUBBA:
Had my eyes open all day long, bro.BURT:
It may not be a total loss.BUBBA:
Well, I'm about ready to go home and do some grazing.BURT:
We might see something.BLACK LECTROID thermopod appears behind them, flies low overhead. They both fire at it with
BUBBA:
I hit it! It... it's wounded!BURT:
What'd it look like to you?BUBBA:
Like a big black flyin' dinosaur.BURT:
Dinosaur???BUBBA:
It was purple.
That's what it looked like.BURT:
It was purple.BUBBA:
It was black.BURT:
Well, it'll be dark before we even find it.Yoyodyne van. JOHN BIGBOOTE is driving, and JOHN O'CONNOR is monitoring a radio.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
We get Professor Hikita to cough up the crucial missing circuit,JOHN O'CONNOR:
and then we finally get our butts off this rock!
Oh yeah? Listen to this!JOHN GOMEZ is drinking fluid from a battery with a straw.
JOHN O'CONNOR:
Wh... What is it? What is it?JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Black thermopod emergency beacon.JOHN GOMEZ:
Here? On Earth? Why? John Bigboote, why?JOHN BIGBOOTE:
John Whorfin. They must have heard he escaped. What'sJOHN GOMEZ, misunderstanding, offers JOHN BIGBOOTE the battery he's drinking from.
the location? Give me a fix.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
No thanks, I'm driving.JOHN O'CONNOR:
Stop! Electromagnetic energy, back on Route 3!JOHN BIGBOOTE does a bootlegger's turn. Clouds of smoke from the van's tires as it
The van rounds a curve. Suddenly BUCKAROO BANZAI is in front of
them, on the motorcycle.
JOHN BIGBOOTE swerves and the van clips the back end of the motorcycle,
which careens off
the road into the woods. The van speeds away.
Back at the conference room, the others are bored waiting. PENNY
PRIDDY picks out the notes
of "Since I Don't Have You" on a piano. PERFECT TOMMY is reading
the paper. A policeman lifts the blue cloth and peeks at the lifeform
in the beaker.
It is now dark. The hunters are in a swamp. Their dog senses something and barks.
BURT:
The whole top of that tree's squashed.BUBBA:
You think it's up there? Let's wait for the cops, Burt!BURT:
What for? You scared? Gotta be something there.BUBBA:
C'mon, Burt, there's nothing up there!BURT:
Well, how do you know? Here, hold this. Hold this!BURT hands BUBBA his shotgun.
BUBBA:
Where you going? Where you going???BURT is searching the ground with his flashlight.
BURT:
Christmas shoppin'.BUBBA:
What's that?BURT:
It's a stick. What's it look like? Give me some light, willya?BUBBA:
I got two guns in my hands.BURT:
Put one of them down.BUBBA:
I ain't puttin' the guns down!BURT:
It's just a tree.BUBBA:
Then leave it alone!BURT pokes at the tree with his stick. Suddenly there's a brilliant flash of light and a shower of
BUBBA:
(screams) See? I told ya! I told ya! Leave it alone!A huge spherical object falls out of the tree. The dog starts whining instead of barking.
BUBBA:
Run! Run! Run!It rolls towards them as they back away. The dog starts barking again.
BURT:
Shoot it, Bubba! Shoot it!BUBBA:
I can't! It's jammed! It's jammed!The thermopod stops rolling and a hatch on top opens.
BURT:
There's something... there's something coming out!BUBBA:
Where?BURT:
Out of the top! Oh, my soul.A dreadlocked BLACK LECTROID, wearing a plaid suit, emerges from the hatch.
BURT:
Throw me my gun, Bubba. Throw it!BUBBA throws the gun wildly. There is a splash as it lands in water some distance away.
BUBBA:
Sorry...JOHN BALOOK is now standing on top of the thermopod. Suddenly he loses his balance and
BUBBA and BURT examine him.
BUBBA:
Is he dead?BURT:
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But look at his face! It's changing!BUBBA:
And his hair... his hair's all disappearing. What's thatIn the foreground, a pink cake box on a string is being lowered from the top of the thermopod.
smell - you smell electricity?
BURT:
He's crackling. And we're standing in water.BUBBA:
What is it, Burt? Is he radioactive?The cake box touches the ground. JOHN PARKER jumps from the thermopod and lands next to
BURT:
How the hell do I know? Do I look like a nuclear genius?JOHN PARKER sneaks away into the woods.
He's prob'ly from Mars. Or Jupiter.
BUBBA:
Jupiter?! I hope he's alone. Burt, there's something over there.BURT:
Where?BUBBA:
Right there.BURT cautiously picks up a comic book the first BLACK LECTROID dropped.
BUBBA:
What is it?BURT:
Buckaroo Banzai. It's the latest issue.Cut to BUCKAROO BANZAI, in the woods. He was apparently knocked out in the motorcycle
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Rawhide, come in. Rawhide... Rawhide.Cut to RAWHIDE, with another walkie-talkie.
RAWHIDE:
Buckaroo. What's up? Where in Hades are you? I'm ... I'm gettin' aBack to BUCKAROO BANZAI. He is somewhat out of breath.
lot of static here.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yeah... yeah. That's me. I've been ionized, but... ah, I'm OK now.RAWHIDE:
Listen, I'm, ah, switching on the homing beacon. Mark two minute
intervals... now.
Look, uh... we've got the overthruster, but somebody shanghaiedBUCKAROO BANZAI:
the Professor right from the press conference.
Ohhh... the deuce you say.RAWHIDE:
Who do you think?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Dr. Lizardo, maybe?RAWHIDE:
Yeah, I'd put money on it.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
That crate...RAWHIDE:
What crate?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
The crate they shipped in that van. You and the guys go backRAWHIDE:
to the house, and dig up everything you can on an outfit called
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems. You got that?
Right. Yoyodyne. We're on it.Back in the swamp. A HIGHWAY PATROLMAN is dragging the corpse of JOHN BALOOK out
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Hand me that tarp, willya? Let's cover this guy up.BURT:
Guy? What guy?BUBBA:
He's got paws.The Yoyodyne van arrives.
BURT:
Now what?BUBBA:
Who're they?HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Cover it up.The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN turns towards the van as JOHN BIGBOOTE, JOHN O'CONNOR,
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
John Bigboote, Officer. Head of Operations, Yoyodyne PropulsionHIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Systems. That's one of our birds.
Yeah? That fellow over there one of your birds too?JOHN BIGBOOTE:
The 'droid, you mean?HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Doesn't look like anything I've seen before. I mean, I've seenJOHN O'CONNOR is standing next to BUBBA, lighting his pipe. He smiles strangely at BUBBA.
'droids in space movies...
JOHN O'CONNOR:
Nice night, huh?Shot of BUCKAROO BANZAI on motorcycle. Somehow, he has found the crash site. Cut to
BURT:
Tha...that big thing over there attacked me.JOHN O'CONNOR: (ed. note: this was previously attributed to John Bigboote)
Impossible. No, no no no no no no.BURT:
Yeah! It's some kind of creature! There's part of it, stillBUBBA:
stuck in the tree.
No, it ain't. It's a machine with thirty-foot leather wings,Commo center on BUCKAROO BANZAI's tour bus. Shot of computer monitor displaying a map
and I think it's radioactive.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Three minutes since he last moved. This is a fix.RAWHIDE:
Something is happening.
Awright. Well, let's get somebody over there.At the crash site.
Al, you set up the grid and get the last known coordinates.
Tommy, you help on the Marconi, and see if we got any Blue Blaze
within a ten-minute radius, but no strike teams, Tommy, understand?
All right, I'm headed downstairs. Keep everybody calm.
JOHN GOMEZ:
It's a three man thermopod.HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Thermo what?JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Very TS. Top Secret. Right, John Gomez?Interior of Yoyodyne van. BUCKAROO BANZAI is prying the lid off a crate with a crowbar.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Ah, Hikita-san.PROF. HIKITA:
Buckaroo!BUCKAROO BANZAI reaches for PROF. HIKITA to help him out of the crate. An electric arc
Commo center on bus. PERFECT TOMMY is working the radio.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Repeating. Intrastate outward band five. Coded.Cut to SCOOTER LINDLEY in his bedroom. The walls are covered with Buckaroo Banzai
Calling all Blue Blaze Irregulars in the Garden State.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Buckaroo in trouble. Will repeat coordinates.SCOOTER LINDLEY picks up microphone.
SCOOTER LINDLEY:
This is Scooter Lindley, Junior Blue Blaze Irregular 41 and 1/2. HangExterior shot of CASPER LINDLEY's gas station. SCOOTER LINDLEY dashes out the door.
on!
SCOOTER LINDLEY:
Dad! Dad! Buckaroo's in trouble!CASPER LINDLEY:
Say what?!Interior of van. PROF. HIKITA is still crouched in the crate.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Aliens from the 8th dimension... I'm seeing them now.PROF. HIKITA:
You can see them now? Here?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Here. The three jerks driving this van.BUCKAROO BANZAI holds up his right hand, with formula written on it.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Look at this. What is this?PROF. HIKITA:
(puzzled)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
It... it's your hand, Buckaroo.
No...no, no, it's a... formula, it's an antidote of some kind. WhoeverPROF. HIKITA:
it was in that phony phone call from the President gave me
information. It's some... some electrochemical message that
allows me to see what they really are.
What are they?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Lectroids, from Planet Ten, by way of the 8th dimension.Crash site. The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN gives JOHN GOMEZ his wallet back.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Mr. Gomez.JOHN GOMEZ:
We've got a truck on the way to help mop things up.HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
(to JOHN O'CONNOR)JOHN GOMEZ:
Identification?
This place's become a zoo, not to mention a haven for gawkers.HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
Now wait a minute. Just a second. Stay put, all of you.JOHN BIGBOOTE is standing next to the thermopod.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Sure thing. We'll just go ahead and start breaking it down.HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
(angrily)The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN walks away.
Don't touch it! I got my own help on the way. Now, that's
an order.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
(to JOHN GOMEZ)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Go find something to crack it open.
Interior of van.
There's a Harley in those bushes. I want you to get on it,BUCKAROO BANZAI starts to leave.
go back to the laboratory, and start working on this formula.
I want you to synthesize it.
PROF. HIKITA:
Buckaroo! Give me the formula.BUCKAROO BANZAI pauses, then licks his hand and presses it against PROF. HIKITA's
BUCKAROO BANZAI's house. MRS. JOHNSON is sitting at a desk near
the front door opening
mail. The doorbell rings. MRS. JOHNSON opens the door.
MRS. JOHNSON jumps, RENO
NEVADA catches her with one arm. His other arm is in a sling.
MRS. JOHNSON:
Oh, wow. Peggy!RENO NEVADA:
She's not Peggy, Mrs. Johnson. Soit sage, mon amie.MRS. JOHNSON:
(ed. note: the following translation of the French comes by way of ArcLight's
corrections & additions: Be cool, my friend.)
No... of course not. How could she be.RAWHIDE:
Any word from Buckaroo?MRS. JOHNSON:
No. I thought he was with you guys.RAWHIDE:
Naw, he's not. Uh, Dr. Zweibel, Penny Priddy, this is Mrs. Johnson.NEW JERSEY:
Nice to meet you. The fellows, uh, call me New Jersey.They head upstairs. PENNY PRIDDY hesitates, then follows them. MRS. JOHNSON intercepts
PENNY PRIDDY:
Well, where are they all going?MRS. JOHNSON:
Bunkhouse. Off limits.Bunkhouse.
BILLY TRAVERS:
Hi fellas. Lay down some background vocals tonight?RAWHIDE:
I wish life were so simple Billy.RAWHIDE sets down his hat and takes off his vest. Grabs a clipboard.
RAWHIDE:
You remember that outfit the Justice Department was checking intoBILLY TRAVERS:
last year?
Which one?RAWHIDE:
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.BILLY TRAVERS:
(spelling out)RAWHIDE and PERFECT TOMMY are looking at a comptuter monitor another Blue Blaze,
Y-O-Y-O-D-Y-N-E. The big space and weapons high tech
consortium. Way behind on the delivery of the new Truncheon
Bomber.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Don't be so laconic, Billy. Buckaroo's orders. Gotta break into theirBILLY TRAVERS:
databank and attack their system. You up to it?
I'm a little short handed tonight. My phone phreaks are in town at thePERFECT TOMMY:
big ice cream social.
What does that mean?NEW JERSEY:
So we'll help, let's get cracking.BILLY TRAVERS:
Who are you?NEW JERSEY:
Sid Zw...New Jersey.NEW JERSEY offers his hand to BILLY. BILLY looks at RENO, then shakes with NEW
Crash site. BUCKAROO BANZAI is watching from behind a nearby tree
as JOHN GOMEZ
whacks the thermopod with a stick.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Again, John Gomez.Interior of the thermopod. JOHN GANT watches the wall shake as JOHN GOMEZ hits it. JOHN
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
John O'Connor, there's a crowbar in the truck.JOHN O'CONNOR:
I'll get it.Cut to command ship. They are in communication with the thermopod. The sound of JOHN
WING COMMANDER:
Destroy yourself, John Gant.JOHN GANT:
Set detonator.
Detonator set.Exterior of thermopod. The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN has come back.
My most profuse apologies to my homeland and loved ones.
John Balook is dead. He fell on his head. But perhaps John
Parker will get through with our message to Buckaroo Banzai.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN:
I said, BACK OFF! Now, damn it, I mean it!JOHN BIGBOOTE punches the HIGHWAY PATROLMAN in the head. He falls.
BURT:
Hey!JOHN GOMEZ elbows BURT in the stomach. He falls.
BUBBA:
Hey, leave him alone!JOHN BIGBOOTE punches BUBBA.
BUBBA:
Ahhh!JOHN O'CONNOR has crept up on BUCKAROO BANZAI from behind. JOHN O'CONNOR grabs
JOHN O'CONNOR:
Easy, friend. Ah, Buckaroo Banzai.BUCKAROO BANZAI kicks JOHN O'CONNOR in the groin. He doubles over in pain.
JOHN O'CONNOR:
Ohhhhh... Hey! It's Buckaroo Banzai! Get him!BUCKAROO BANZAI runs. JOHN BIGBOOTE and JOHN GOMEZ start after him. BUCKAROO BANZAI stops at a fence at the edge of a road. Behind him there is an explosion as the thermopod blows up.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Hustle up!JOHN BIGBOOTE and JOHN GOMEZ are close behind. BUCKAROO BANZAI sees headlights of a truck approaching, flags it down, and suddenly realizes a RED LECTROID is driving.
Ominous music as BUCKAROO BANZAI flees from the truck. Just as
it is about to run him over,
a rope ladder appears from nowhere. BUCKAROO BANZAI grabs it and is
lifted into the air.
The truck skids to a stop.
Cut to shot of a helicopter climbing away as BUCKAROO BANZAI hangs on
the ladder. The
helo has a PA system.
SCOOTER LINDLEY:
Scooter and Casper Lindley, Blue Blaze Irregulars, at yourThe helicopter flies away as the RED LECTROIDS look annoyed.
service, Buckaroo.
Outside the wall of BUCKAROO BANZAI's house. PROF. HIKITA rides
up to the gate on the
motorcycle. Two Buckaroo Banzai FANS are taking pictures of each
other and the house.
FEMALE FAN:
It is. It is Professor Hikita!GUARD:
We're closing the gate. Please step back. Thank you.Inside, PROF. HIKITA yells something to PINKY CARRUTHERS.
PINKY CARRUTHERS:
(into phone)Cut to the bunkhouse. RENO NEVADA is on phone with PINKY.
Prof just rolled in. Said he's on his way to the lab and do not disturb.
RENO NEVADA:
Any sign of Buckaroo and that chopper?Bunkhouse.
RAWHIDE:
Gotta have something for him. Try a new cipher.NEW JERSEY plays a final chord on the piano and stops. RAWHIDE looks over at him.
RAWHIDE:
Try a... G cipher.BILLY TRAVERS:
G cipher.The login attempt succeeds.
(types)
There.
RAWHIDE:
Ahhh. That's more like it.BILLY TRAVERS:
Looks like we've accessed their restricted data file. Could beRENO NEVADA:
highly revealing.
No sign of Buckaroo... but the professor just rode up, sayingPERFECT TOMMY:
something about space monsters and where's the overthruster,
went straight to the lab.
Space monsters, my ass.Outside. The FANS are cuddling together under a blanket, lying on the hood of their car. JOHN
MALE FAN:
Hey, man, nice jacket.JOHN PARKER goes up to gate, punches it several times.
MALE FAN:
What's in the big pink box?PINKY CARRUTHERS sticks his head up over the top of the gate.
PINKY CARRUTHERS:
Hey. Buddy. May I help you?JOHN PARKER:
'Ello! Buckaroo Banzai?PINKY CARRUTHERS:
Are you a messenger? Whatcha got here?PINKY CARRUTHERS reaches down and takes the cake box.
JOHN PARKER:
No, no, look! Wait a minute! I need see Buckaroo Banzai in person.PINKY CARRUTHERS:
My name is John Parker. Identify yourself, na?
Blue Blaze Irregular, Pinky Carruthers. Sorry, John, everybodyPINKY CARRUTHERS disappears behind the gate.
"need see Buckaroo". Later.
Cut to bunkhouse. RAWHIDE hands the overthruster to JENO.
RAWHIDE:
Jeno, run this down to the Professor for me. Sounds like he'sShot of computer terminal displaying names from the Yoyodyne personnel database.
gettin' a little nervous.
BILLY TRAVERS:
This is queer; look.NEW JERSEY:
What's that? Whaddaya got?BILLY TRAVERS:
All these people applied for Social Security cards in the sameNEW JERSEY:
town in New Jersey on the exact same date.
(thoughtfully)BILLY TRAVERS:
New Jersey.
Forty-six Yoyodyne employees, Grover's Mills, New Jersey,PERFECT TOMMY, at another terminal, has called up digitized pictures of Yoyodyne
eleven one thirty-eight.
PERFECT TOMMY:
I got some pictures, boys.RENO NEVADA:
It's like a practical joke! Check out these names. John Yaya,BILLY TRAVERS:
John Parrot... John Bigbooty?
Maybe not. John Nolan, John O'Connor...RENO NEVADA:
No way, Jose. John Small Berries?! It's a joke. Maybe that'sNEW JERSEY:
what, ah, Buckaroo was talking about when he said...
(thinking hard)PERFECT TOMMY:
No, no, Reno, there are no ages and no places of birth. Uh...
Grover's Mill. Grover's Mill... nineteen thirty-eight... why
is that so... familiar?
They all have the same first name. John, John, John, John, John.BILLY TRAVERS:
Somebody's playing games here. This is statistically impossible.NEW JERSEY:
Nahhh... I don't know; wait a minute, wait a minute... uh, November 1, uh... October...BILLY TRAVERS:
thirty days have September, April, June, and November, when short February's
done, all the rest have thirty-one. October 31st.
Halloween....
(snaps fingers)
Oh! Don't you get it? Orson Welles!
You mean the guy from the old wine commercials.NEW JERSEY:
Halloween. 1938. "War of the Worlds." That fake radio newsPERFECT TOMMY:
broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking that real live
Martians... were landing in Grover's Mill.... New Jersey...
then it all just turned out to be a hoax.
So?NEW JERSEY:
So... maybe, uh, uh, it wasn't a hoax. Or, I mean maybe it isn't a hoax.Daylight. The Yoyodyne van stops outside the wall, some distance from the gate. JOHN
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
If we don't find that overthruster, John Whorfin will have usJOHN GOMEZ:
for supper.
Who says the damn thing's even here?The RED LECTROIDS look around, then jump to the top of the wall and down on the other side.
BLUE BLAZE 1:
Who is he?BLUE BLAZE 2:
I dunno.BUCKAROO BANZAI's garage. SAM is working under the jet car. Suddenly a large water cooler
SAM:
(annoyed)JOHN BIGBOOTE pops up and spits something at SAM. The impact throws SAM across the
All right, who's the wise guy?... I said, who's the wise guy?
Shot of CASPER LINDLEY's helicopter landing in the Banzai compound.
Back in the garage, JOHN BIGBOOTE tries to open the jet car's door.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
It's locked.He pokes around the jet car.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
John O'Connor, smash the window.JOHN O'CONNOR:
Why me, John Bigboote?JOHN BIGBOOTE hands JOHN O'CONNOR a wrench.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
It might be booby-trapped.JOHN O'CONNOR:
Oh.JOHN O'CONNOR smashes the jet car's window.
PROFESSOR HIKITA's lab.
PROFESSOR HIKITA:
Information. Somehow a lifeform based not on carbon...(?)PROF. HIKITA looks in a handheld mirror at the formula on his forehead.
PROFESSOR HIKITA:
Beyond language but still knowledge.Front hall. MRS. JOHNSON is at her desk. BUCKAROO BANZAI and the LINDLEYS burst in.
MRS. JOHNSON:
Buckaroo!BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Mrs. Johnson, this is Casper and Scooter Lindley. Is Hikita-sanMRS. JOHNSON:
here yet? Where's the overthruster? Where's Penny?
(gesturing with Tootsie Pop)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
The Prof is in the, ah, lab with the overthruster. Penny's in
the right-wing guest room.
Great.BUCKAROO takes MRS. JOHNSON's Tootsie Pop.
MRS. JOHNSON:
Everybody's safe and sound.BUCKAROO BANZAI and the LINDLEYS head for the stairs. They meet RENO NEVADA, NEW
RENO NEVADA:
They're Lectroids, Buckaroo.NEW JERSEY:
Planet Ten.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Planet Ten? How do you guys know that?RAWHIDE:
It's all in the yellow record. Come on.RENO NEVADA:
Heyyy, Casper Lindley!CASPER LINDLEY:
Reno.They go upstairs.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yellow record?PERFECT TOMMY:
However, they didn't come here on a non-stop flight. They blastedNEW JERSEY:
through the 8th dimension in 1938, over in Grover's Mill.
Where there was a huge electrical dimensional accident, someBUCKAROO BANZAI:
giant explosion, and they hypnotized Orson Welles into covering
it up, so first he says there's an invasion from Mars, but then
he says no no no, it's just a radio show hoax. Get it?
No.RAWHIDE:
Let's go.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Orson Welles?? What about Yoyodyne? What about Dr. Lizardo?NEW JERSEY:
That's what we're trying to tell you.RENO NEVADA:
There's someone living inside him!They go down the upstairs hall to the bunkhouse.
BILLY TRAVERS:
Here, y'all put these on. There's one in the box, and there's one over there...BILLY TRAVERS distributes lectroid goggles. They all put them on.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
What's this?BILLY TRAVERS:
It came with the record. It's like a 3-D type thing.RENO NEVADA is preparing the BLACK LECTROID message device.
PINKY CARRUTHERS:
How was I supposed to know he came from outer space? ThisBUCKAROO BANZAI:
Rasta guy pedals up to the front gate and delivers it all in a
pink cake box.
Why? What for?NEW JERSEY:
We don't know. It wouldn't tell us. It wants to talk toRENO NEVADA:
the head honcho.
Lights!They turn the lights off. A column of light appears from the device, and resolves into the image
JOHN EMDALL:
Salutations, great Buckaroo Banzai. I am John Emdall, fromMRS. JOHNSON enters. She squints, trying to see what's going on.
Planet Ten. A common grave danger confronts both our worlds.
After a bloody reign of terror...
MRS. JOHNSON:
Hey, what is that?RAWHIDE puts a pair of the goggles on MRS. JOHNSON.
JOHN EMDALL:
... the hated leader of our military caste, the self-proclaimedMRS. JOHNSON:
Lord John Whorfin, a bloodthirsty butcher as evil as your Hitler...
Oh, wow...JOHN EMDALL:
... was overthrown by freedom-loving forces, tried, and condemned,RAWHIDE:
along with several hundred of his followers, to spend eternity
in the formless void of the 8th dimension. Death was deemed...
(to MRS. JOHNSON)JOHN EMDALL:
Did you tell Penny that Buckaroo was looking for her?
... too good for their ilk.MRS. JOHNSON:
I looked in her room, she wasn't there.BILLY TRAVERS:
Who's Penny?RAWHIDE:
Well, where is she?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Will everybody please shut up so I can hear the rest of this thing?JOHN EMDALL:
Now, you, Buckaroo Banzai, have unintentionally helped JohnPERFECT TOMMY:
Whorfin with the success of your oscillation overthruster. For our
intelligence warns us that he intends to steal your overthruster. If he
should attempt this, we will have no choice but to disrupt world-wide
electronic communications, and fire a particle beam weapon from
your airspace to Smolensk, in the Union of the Soviet Socialist
Republics.
(alarmed)JOHN EMDALL:
That's an action the Kremlin would most certainly misinterpret
as an American first strike! They're already a little trigger-
happy as it is!
Exactly, Perfect Tommy. The Soviets will retaliate, and youRAWHIDE:
President Widmark will launch a massive counterforce strike, and
and within twenty minutes, the danger to Planet 10 will be removed.
But, because we're good guys, we're giving you a chance to save
your planet.
Stop... John... Whorfin... before sun... set! If you fail, we
will be forced to help you destroy yourselves.
I'll tell you, if it ain't one thing, it's another.PINKY CARRUTHERS:
Lighten up.JOHN EMDALL:
(sternly)...NEW JERSEY:
End of discussion.
Discussion?! What discussion?The message ends and the image of JOHN EMDALL fades out.
(ed. note: This line was added in the final version because JOHN EMDALL'S
reply to PERFECT TOMMY's trigger-happy line (see boldface above) was cut.
It does not appear in the director's print.)
CASPER LINDLEY:
She gotta be kiddin', right? Vaporize the whole damn planet?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
You wanna roll those dice, Casper?CASPER LINDLEY:
No... no-ho-ho, no, no. Not me, man. No way.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Gents... we're going to Yoyodyne.RAWHIDE:
Rawhide, see how Hikita-san's coming with that formula.
Right.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Billy, tell Sam to prep the jet car for city driving.PERFECT TOMMY:
What about a Blue Blaze strike team?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Naw, we keep it intimate. Call the Kolodny brothers, callPERFECT TOMMY:
the Rugsuckers.
Where're you going?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
To get my guns.PERFECT TOMMY:
(stunned)BUCKAROO BANZAI's bedroom. PENNY PRIDDY is hiding in the bathroom. BUCKAROO
His guns?
PENNY PRIDDY:
Okay, okay, I'm a girl. I won't deny it. I sneaked intoBUCKAROO BANZAI:
your bedroom, I invaded your privacy, I went through all
your personal belongings...
(frustrated)PENNY PRIDDY:
<unintelligible> ... damn ammo...?
(Ed. note: this line is not completely audible in the final version, although
it's probably the same line that appears here in the director's print:
Where's my damn ammo?)
Ohhh... Mrs. Johnson! I can never find anything around here.
... I took a bath!BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Penny, what's your problem?BUCKAROO BANZAI has found his guns. He pulls a holster from a cabinet.
PENNY PRIDDY:
Me! You! That picture! I'm going crazy... Who's thatBUCKAROO BANZAI:
girl, Buckaroo? What's going on around here? You drag me out
of jail, you... you're like Jerry Lewis, you give me hope to
carry on, but... then you leave me in the lurch while you strap
on your six-guns! What do you want from me, Buckaroo? Who am I?
(ed. note: Parts of this section of the movie vary significantly between the director's
working cut and the final film. The above appears only in the finished version; the
director's cut uses this version: Where did you get that picture of us? I mean
that can't...that can't really be me, right? Unless it was taken in the Eighth
Dimension. Was I there, Buckaroo? How'd I get there? Who is she? Who
am I? What am I doing here?)
As near as I can figure, you had an identical twin sister... and IPENNY PRIDDY slowly opens the bathroom door and looks at BUCKAROO BANZAI.
married her...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
... but that's over now, and she's gone, and that'sA laboratory. PROF. HIKITA and an ASSISTANT are bending over a large flask full of bubbling green liquid. PROF. HIKITA paces, deep in thought, while the ASSISTANT watches.
about all there is really to say about that...
PROF. HIKITA:
Don't know what to expect here...It disagrees with all the standard pictures...Suddenly JOHN BIGBOOTE appears behind the ASSISTANT. He throws him to the floor and
it's producing a magnetic force... No, no, I'm wrong!
BUCKAROO's bedroom. PENNY PRIDDY is holding the picture of BUCKAROO
and PEGGY.
PENNY PRIDDY:
Where is she?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
She's dead. Murdered. A present from Hanoi Xan.PENNY PRIDDY:
Hanoi Xan? The boss of the World Crime League. The guy in yourBUCKAROO BANZAI:
comic books.
(sighting down gunbarrel)Hall outside the lab. RAWHIDE is patrolling. He spots JOHN BIGBOOTE leaving the lab and
No, not the guy in the comic books. The guy out there.
RAWHIDE:
Hey!BUCKAROO BANZAI's bedroom. BUCKAROO BANZAI and PENNY PRIDDY are gazing into
PENNY PRIDDY:They are about to kiss when PENNY PRIDDY touches BUCKAROO BANZAI's hand. There is a
Ohhhh, tell me I'm dreaming...
PENNY PRIDDY:
OWWW!She shakes her hand, obviously in pain.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I got...PERFECT TOMMY bursts in on them.
PERFECT TOMMY:
Buckaroo! Sorry... Sam's dead.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Sam?PERFECT TOMMY:
Someone broke into the jet car. Things are going haywireBUCKAROO BANZAI:
over at the lab.
(to PENNY)PENNY PRIDDY:
Wait here, I'll be right back.
Uh...In the lab. BUCKAROO BANZAI bends down over the body of the ASSISTANT.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Oh, boy...BUCKAROO BANZAI pulls a gooey spider-like thing off the ASSISTANT's neck.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
He's dead.They rush into the hall.
Spread out. They can't be very far off.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Okay, Tommy, check the biomedical labs. Reno, you take the physicsNEW JERSEY:
wing. Jersey, go with Reno.
Where're you going?BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Engineering.They separate. As PERFECT TOMMY and NEW JERSEY move off, NEW JERSEY is pointing
PERFECT TOMMY:
Cowboy!NEW JERSEY:
What?PERFECT TOMMY:
Hold your gun in front of you, man.NEW JERSEY:
Oh, I see... okay. It's... okay.BUCKAROO BANZAI goes down a corridor. An alarm is sounding. He passes a file cabinet
RAWHIDE:
Buckaroo, behind you!BUCKAROO BANZAI shoots at JOHN BIGBOOTE, misses. JOHN BIGBOOTE spits at RAWHIDE and escapes through a "window", which turns out to be the opening of a large vent. BUCKAROO BANZAI grabs RAWHIDE, eases him to the floor.
RAWHIDE:
(in pain)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Ooooh....
You... you okay?RAWHIDE:
(with difficulty)BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Yeah... yeah, just... let me catch my breath... the Professor went down...
into the purification vent. He's got the overthruster...
Great.BUCKAROO BANZAI exits through the vent.
Meanwhile, NEW JERSEY and RENO NEVADA are searching another lab.
They pass racks of
equipment, including a large watermelon clamped into some sort of apparatus.
NEW JERSEY:
Why is there a watermelon there?RENO NEVADA:
I'll tell you later.Shots of BUCKAROO BANZAI cautiously searching dimly-lit corridors and PROF. HIKITA down
Cut to PENNY PRIDDY descending stairs to the basement.
PENNY PRIDDY:
Buckaroo? Rawhide? Anybody?...Shot of JOHN BIGBOOTE in basement, looking for PROF. HIKITA.
PENNY PRIDDY enters a room. There is a barrier down the center.
PROF. HIKITA is on the
other side, trying to unlock a gate in the barrier. PENNY PRIDDY gasps
in surprise when she
sees PROF. HIKITA.
PROF. HIKITA:
Here, young lady. The overthruster...JOHN BIGBOOTE is outside the room. He begins to pound on the door on PROF. HIKITA's
PROF. HIKITA:
Here, put this in your purse.JOHN BIGBOOTE breaks the door open. PENNY PRIDDY takes the overthruster and runs.
Get out of here.
PROF. HIKITA:
Nooo!JOHN BIGBOOTE grabs him.
JOHN BIGBOOTE:
Where's your overthruster, little man?BUCKAROO BANZAI appears at the end of the hall.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Hikita-san!BUCKAROO BANZAI shoots at JOHN BIGBOOTE, misses, and drops to the floor. JOHN
PENNY PRIDDY rounds a corner at the bottom of the basement stairs and
runs into JOHN
O'CONNOR. He smiles strangely.
JOHN O'CONNOR:
Nice morning, huh?PENNY PRIDDY gulps.
BUCKAROO BANZAI and PROF. HIKITA chase JOHN BIGBOOTE, but are blocked
by a metal
door. JOHN BIGBOOTE has torn a small hole in the door and escaped.
Back in the lab where RAWHIDE was hit, PERFECT TOMMY and NEW JERSEY
are trying to
help him.
RAWHIDE:
It's just like my legs are asleep, know what I'm saying?PERFECT TOMMY:
What the hell is wrong with him?NEW JERSEY:
I dunno. I dunno.BUCKAROO BANZAI and PROF. HIKITA enter.
(to RAWHIDE)
Are you cold?
RAWHIDE:
It's my spine...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(to RAWHIDE)RAWHIDE:
What're you still doing on this floor, pal?
Well, I think it's 'cause I can't move my legs.NEW JERSEY examines RAWHIDE, pulls something off his back.
(ed. note: the following line appeared in the Director's
print instead: Well look who's here everybody. Let's have a party.)
RAWHIDE:
Ooooh! Damn.NEW JERSEY:
Hang on.RAWHIDE:
What is it? Apache?NEW JERSEY:
Arachtoid.RAWHIDE:
Well, spiders... so I was right, huh?PINKY CARRUTHERS enters, escorting JOHN PARKER.
PINKY CARRUTHERS:
We got the guy, Rawhide. Saw him in the hall, and...BUCKAROO BANZAI:
(to JOHN PARKER)JOHN PARKER:
Any antidote for these things?
Nooo, not at all.JOHN PARKER squashes the spider-thing on the floor. It was metallic when he put it down there, but now that it's dead, it looks much more like an organic spider.
PERFECT TOMMY:
So, that mean you're on our side?JOHN PARKER:
That's right.RAWHIDE:
Ohhhh... oh, man... those things pack a mean wallop, uh?...RAWHIDE looks around. He is fading fast.
RAWHIDE:
What're y'all lookin' at?... You're on the clock, saddle up, huh?RAWHIDE's eyes close and he dies.
Sound of a helicopter taking off outside. They run to the window.
CASPER LINDLEY:
Hey, man, they're stealin' my helicopter!RENO NEVADA:
They've got Penny!PROF. HIKITA:
She... she has the overthruster!JOHN PARKER:
Then your planet is doomed.BUCKAROO BANZAI:
This globe is just beginning.Later, in PRESIDENT WIDMARK's hospital room. PRESIDENT WIDMARK is strapped into a
We'll get it back! We'll get it back.
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
It's... it's not Buckaroo Banzai per se, Mr. President.Somebody knocks on the door.
It's his men. Foreigners, some of them! Oh, their names have
been changed. Their true backgrounds are shrouded in secrecy!
Now, all I'm saying is that this jet car belongs in the hands
of Defense. I mean, uh... if the Banzai Institute doesn't want
to sell it to us, then we're gonna have to take it from them!
In, uh, the national interest, of course.
PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
Come in.SMIRNOFF:
Excuse me, Mr. President. World Watch One, direct incomingPA VOICE:
transmission.
Dr. Melch, Dr. Ashley Melch ...PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
Yeah.SMIRNOFF wheels a videophone into the room, turns it on.
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
Hello, Mr. President. I know your back is killing you,PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
but, uh, I have a developing situation here and I must speak frankly.
Buckaroo, ahh.... Secretary of Defense McKinley and my NationalBUCKAROO BANZAI:
Security Advisor Smirnoff are... visiting me, but, uh, I have no secrets
from them.
Well, something has reared its ugly head in outer space, Mr.PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
President, and it looks like the Earth is caught in a crossfire.
We have reason to believe that there are vicious red aliens
walking freely among us, posing as the owners and operators
of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
Ahh... Yoyodyne Propulsion, ahh... the people working onSECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
our Truncheon bomber?
(shocked)JOHN PARKER appears next to BUCKAROO BANZAI on the screen.
In the hands of foreign nationals you say?!?
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
No, not exactly Mr Secretary. Ah...Red Lectroids from Planet 10, ledPERFECT TOMMY walks past, between BUCKAROO and the camera. He isn't even paying attention to its existance. (ed. note: not his videocall, one presumes...)
by Lord John Whorfin, camoflaged as human beings. And what they're
building I mean...forget the Truncheon Bomber...What they're building...
BUCKAROO BANZAI:
What they're building is an enormous...JOHN PARKER:
Excuse me, Mr. President. Time is short. In order to preventSECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
John Whorfin's escape, my comrades are at this very moment takin' up
a geostationary position over New Jersey. De situation is explosif!
What the hell is that?PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
Explosive? What are you saying, man? Some kind of race warBUCKAROO BANZAI:
in New Jersey?
No, Mr. President, no. This... this man, as you call him,SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
is not a human being at all, but is in fact a black lectroid,
named John Parker, from the very same Planet Ten, and his
spaceship is at this moment anchored above Yoyodyne.
Yoyodyne!....PRESIDENT WIDMARK:
Buckaroo... my good friend...JOHN PARKER:
I have delivered a message from my own chief executive, JohnPRESIDENT WIDMARK:
Emdall. And she has made it very clear, that unless John
Whorfin is destroyed before sunset, she intends to fire an
atomic beam from American airspace, hit Smolensk, and...
Buckaroo, you're quite serious aren't you? I mean you and I...Cut to commo center on the bus. NJ is looking into a microscope. His voice can be heard on
NEW JERSEY:
That's it! These red creatures, they somehow give off thePROF. HIKITA:
bacteria, we breath it, it swims up our nose... into our cerebral
cortex, where it literally talks to our brain cells, tells
us to see exactly what they want us to see.
Electri
