Cassy II: BREAD AND CIRCUSES by Rhondda Lake Cassandra held her breath a moment outside of the door, simply staring blindly at the brass number 42 in front of her face. Was he home? Was he busy? He had asked her to clear up tomorrow for him? That request had been rather cryptic. She knew she could drop her shields and sense his presence and his mood, however she preferred not to. Not only because it felt like cheating, but because doing so left her open to more then just him. It left her mind open to the ebb and flow of emotions all around her. Threatening to drown her. It was better, safer, to save the empathic stuff for emergencies and more... interesting moments. Moments when physical contact allowed her to limit what she sensed to the one she touched. Cassy smiled thinking of the last three months. Whenever Mulder was in town, they would have dinner in these little out-of-the-way places, or just veg out in front of a rented movie. They would talk for hours about everything and nothing. He told her about his work, of his obsessions. She told him about her childhood, her job, her rather boring life. She knew he was working on a case that disturbed him. More by the fact that he steered conversation away from it then anything else. Well, the haunted look to his eyes was also a good indication. He seemed to grasp at their time together with a certain fierce urgency. A desperate determination to seek human contact. A savage need to relax that was, in itself, at cross purposes with what he hoped to accomplish. It would be comical if it were not so heartbreaking. To add to her frustration he held this distance, this wall between them, not allowing her to cross. The only compassion he would take from her was the mask of normalcy she offered. The only comforting he allowed was in the sweat-soaked confines of his bed. They had been spending more time together recently. The more engrossed he became in his work, in his cases, the more often he would demand to see her. To seek his false escape into her mundane life. It seemed as though he were using her to feel human again. She was his escape from madness. It scared her, sometimes, that she allowed him to do this. But her compassion drove her to try and help him. Her heart drove her to try and reach beyond the walls, and to touch that man. The man and the shattered child he hid beneath the mask of cool indiference he offered to the world. So she continued to see him, much to the apprehension of her over protective roommate. "The guy is trouble. He's away more then he's home. He's always got these weird friends tromping through at the oddest hours. Frankly I think he's a ensign short of an away team. You are gonna end up hurt Cassy." Tammy would rant. Cassandra didn't really argue, just let the lectures roll off her. She considered Mulder more *troubled* than trouble, and he was, she had to admit, terrific in bed. Out of the three lovers she'd ever had he was definitely top ranking. Must be all those movies and magazines, she chuckled to herself. She shook her head at her own foolishness and knocked. She was surprised to hear a few high pitched yapping noises before the door opened. Cassy felt her heart leap to her throat for the instant her eyes met Mulder's, but then her attention fell on the four pounds of reddish fluff sniffing at her ankles. She let out a laugh. "I always figured you for the Basset Hound type. Who is this?" She shoved the boxes into his hands and scooped up the adorable bit of large eyed dog and scratched it behind the ears. "I'm the fish type, you don't have to take fish for walks. Watch it, he's a man eater." Mulder moved aside to let her in, frowning at the boxes he now held. "Yah right. One day he's gonna grow up to be a mastiff. So when did you decide to get a dog?" Cassy moved into the living room and sat on the couch still coddling the little dog, who seemed to adore the attention. "I didn't. Queequeg is Scully's. She's in New York for a symposium on Forensic Pathology and dumped him on me for three days. She seems to think three years of feeding my fish when *I'm* away equals the humiliation of walking around town with a glorified dust bunny on a leash." "Aren't paybacks a bitch? But he's precious. Um... Queequeg?" Mulder shrugged. "She has a Melville fetish. Believe me, naming the little monster after a cannibal was eminently fitting." "I bet he has a sweater, doesn't he?" Cassandra teased. Mulder groaned. "Yeah. But I am NOT dressing up a dog. Even I have more compassion than to embarrass him, and myself, like that." He set the boxes down and began shoving the papers that had been spread across the table into a folder. He was not fast enough for Cassy to miss the pictures of several children's desiccated corpses. She swallowed hard and went back to concentrating on the dog. He hadn't noticed her reaction, at least. "Paperwork never ceases, huh?" She pasted on a smile as he shoved the file under a book of astrology. "Uh... I just finished working on a profile for the VCS. Jenkins will be by to pick it up later." Cassy nodded. How could he stand getting getting into the minds of psychopaths and sickos? He had told her about his early days with the FBI Violent Crimes Unit. She'd heard from him all about his quick ascension through the ranks, of how people had expected him to inherit the mantle of department head. He had been good at profiling. She knew that if he had been favored as future department head he had to be damn good. She wondered why that didn't upset her. Perhaps it was something they had in common. This ability to get into other people's heads. Even if the gift was so vastly different. "Well, *I* visited a craft show after work, and I got you something. Every time you come back from a field assignment you look like shit, and I just know you aren't sleeping. So..." Cassy set Queequeg down and handed Mulder the smaller of the two boxes she had brought. He looked at her suspiciously, but opened the top to look inside. He smiled like a little boy at Christmas as he looped his finger through a leather thong and drew out a decorated hoop, its center a webwork of some sort of string, feathers and beads falling from three points at the bottom. "A dreamcatcher." He watched the Native American charm turn in the light of his table lamp. "Yah. I saw them being sold by a woman named Mary Slyfox... and I just couldn't resist." Cassy's eyes twinkled with amusement. "It was a sign from above..." He gave her a slight smile, "Yah, it said Dreamcatchers for sale." He bent to kiss her cheek, "thank you. I'll pack it next to my ties every time I travel." Cassy made a face. "Don't do that, the spirits will get offended. Anyplace but next to the TIES. Oh, and the second box is dinner. If you have already eaten it'll be just as good reheated." He opened the box and frowned. "What is it?" "It's Kibbe. Our neighbor was Lebanese when I was growing up, and we learned how to make it. It's extra lean beef, cracked wheat, pine nuts, onions and some other good stuff. Don't look at me like that! TRY it. It's good, but if you don't like it I won't be offended I promise." Mulder shrugged. "OK I'll try it, but you have to eat it with me, that way if this stuff kills me I'll at least take you with me." Cassandra laughed and pushed herself up off the couch, heading for his kitchen. "Fine. I'll see if I can salvage a salad or something out of this wasteland you call a refrigerator." Cassy opened the appliance to be confronted by two pizza boxes and a plethora of half-finished Chinese food containers. Opening the salad crisper she wrinkled her nose. It was not great, but better than she expected. If she chucked the outer leaves of the wilted lettuce and grated those two carrots before they went limp she'd actually be doing them a service by using them before they fell to the demise of the trash compactor. Mulder was surprised he actually liked the kibbe. Cassandra just gave him a knowing grin as she ate her portion and passed on his offer of a beer. "So what are these mysterious plans you have for us tomorrow?" She was actually delighted to do whatever he wanted. He had that urgent edge again. He needed the temporary escape whatever plans he had offered him. When these moods hit she enjoyed the escape as well. It meant they would do something other then write a paper on her abilities or explore her family history in search of why she was able to do what she could. Their relationship might be casual, but she was glad he had begun to view her as a friend at least. He had even begun to tell her why he had the dreams that brought them together. It had been two weeks after they had first begun dating. He was questioning her on her family history. "Anyone else in your family ever show evidence of psychic events? Visions, psychokinesis, telepathy, anything like that?" He was scribbling notes on a yellow legal pad. "Why do I feel like I'm taking my SATs again? My grandmother was a twin and it's said that she and her sister could talk without words. But I can't swear to that, as her sister died in a fire when she was fourteen. I've been answering questions all night. Now it's your turn." Cassy dropped the remains of her slice of pizza back in the box and wiped her fingers on her jeans. "Uh-oh, You're not going to ask me why I have the full collection of Star Wars models in my closet, are you?" His tone was teasing, but she could see him shift uncomfortably. The grand inquisitor didn't much care to have the light shone in his own eyes. "Why are you so interested in this? In paranormal phenomenon?" He shifted again. "It's a long story." "I have tomorrow off. I got all night." She crossed her arms, informing him she wasn't going to drop the subject. He wouldn't meet her eyes. "It started when I was twelve..." As he related to her the story of his sister's disappearance she could see his discomfort. She didn't need to be an empath to pick up on his fear of rejection, of ridicule. He fidgeted, toyed with the corners of his legal pad. The tale was told in a flat voice. The story was incredible. She could see how others might react badly to it. "Calm down, Mulder. I'm an empath. If *I* can exist, then why not UFOs? Actually it's pretty egocentric of people to think earth was the only planet that produced intelligent life in the vastness of the universe." He sat there, stunned for a moment, before giving her a huge grin. "Marry me." Cassy had laughed and tossed a pillow at his head. Later she had learned how close he had come to losing his partner and best friend in much the same manner. It helped her understand him better. Cassandra snapped out of her reverie at the sound of Mulder's voice. "I got these." Mulder pushed an envelope across the table as Cassy was sneaking a piece of kibbe to Queequeg. Cassy wiped her fingers on a napkin and took the envelope while the dog gave his sitter a look of annoyance at the interrupted indulgence. "Tickets to the circus?" Cassandra grinned. "You are taking me to the circus?" She looked up and met Mulder's incredible eyes. "Do you know I have never in my life been to the circus... the closest I ever got was watching the Cirque de Soleil on A&E." "You are twenty five and you have NEVER been to the circus?" He grabbed at his chest in feigned shock. "You have lived a sheltered life." "So you are going to attempt to educate me?" Cassy began clearing the plates. "Well, keep dragging me to circuses and amusement parks and I'll get all spoiled." "Oho, so now you want amusement parks!" Cassy stuck out her tongue. "I was NOT fishing. Now... since you are being generous and taking me to the circus I will spare your wounded machismo and walk Queequeg for you. Maybe I'll rent a movie while I'm out. Have you ever seen EXCALIBER? The sword fighting scenes are awesome, and the music is divine." "I'm beginning to detect a pattern here. Last three movies you rented were CONAN, LADYHAWKE and FIRST KNIGHT. Do you have a Xena complex?" "Some psychologist you are... it took you THIS long to see a pattern?" She asked as she grabbed the leash that lay on the counter. "Not really, I noticed when you got LADYHAWKE. So tell me, does this fascination of yours have to do with the sword as a phallic symbol?" Mulder gave her one of his sardonic smiles. "This from a guy who collects porn and chose a career where he gets to carry a gun? Give me a break. I bet you didn't know I was a member of the SCA did you?" Cassandra clipped the leash on Clyde and led him to the door enjoying the surprised look on Mulder's face. "Are you serious?" he called as she made it to the door. "Completely. I'm Lady Elvina Malcom, and a handier lass with a helbard or rapier you'll never be meetin." Cassy fell into a heavy Scots accent. "Now ye be mullin that over as I git out and tend this bit o' fluff and bring us back a wee bit o' entertainment." When Cassy returned Clyde was given a full meal then they retired to the couch to watch EXCALIBER. After HER choice of movie Mulder slipped one of his in with a chuckle at Cassy's groan. She waited a full ten minutes into this deep study of a pair of blonde hookers and a parade of businessmen before she started. Mulder laughed, because he knew he couldn't stop her and had even joined in the last time he'd played one of his collection with her there. "What? You mean, like, this isn't the stick shift?" She bounced her head from shoulder to shoulder in her best dumb blonde imitation. "This is a cheap hotel, not a car, now come here and try some of the candy I put on the pillow." He took over to Cassandra's amusement. "Hello... hello... testing one, two, three... is this thing on?" Cassy snickered. "And now she will sing Great Balls of Fire into the magic Karaoke machine. Watch out buddy, she could be the illegitimate child of Hannibal Lector and Lorena Bobbit." "Well, the Bobbit part's right..." Mulder grinned and shut Cassy up the best way he knew how, covering her mouth with his own. Cassandra's hand fumbled for the remote as she let her tongue dual pleasantly with his. She turned off the tv with a click, breaking the kiss. "You don't really need to watch that now, do you?" She twisted, swinging one leg over so she sat astride his lap and facing him. "Now when the real thing is right here in front of you." She kissed him deeply as he hands tugged his tee shirt from his jeans and she slid her hands underneath to rest them lightly on his ribs. His distraction was pressing against the seam of her jeans. "But that's all part of my diabolical plan. Every time I put on one of my tapes we end up doing this, just so you can get them turned off." He ran his hands up her back and she could feel the callouses on his hands as they slid over her flesh. "Aha... do you really think I would miss something that obvious? Turn the movies off and turn you on, huh?" She slid her hands down to undo the button of his jeans, easing the zipper down. "Are you turned on, Mulder?" One hand slid down the front of his jeans. "Mmmmm... getting there fast." She withdrew her hand and pulled off his shirt before she began kissing his neck, the line of his shoulder, then the slightly puckered scar of a gunshot wound on his shoulder, touching that reminder of violence with her tongue before moving on. That was the one and only scar she had ever asked about. He tried to make light of it but she could feel the internal pain when he declared, "My partner shot me." Sensing the mistake, especially so fresh into their tentative relationship she had joked with him. "Well next time a woman tells you she wants chocolate fudge swirl don't try to substitute pistachio and you'll be safe." She was intensely curious about the other scars, but never asked again. She'd seen his nightmares. In the here and now she felt him undoing her own jeans fastenings. "Be nice and we can go without the raincoat tonight." She whispered in his ear, she licked the outer edge of his ear for emphasis. "Ummmm..." She felt his hesitation. It was a big step, after all. "You're clean. I'm clean. I have two years to go on my Norplant. What's to stop us?" He unbuttoned her shirt and slid it off her shoulders, she wiggled a bit letting it fall to the floor. His fingers caressed the tiny scar on her upper arm before he kissed it. "Remind me to thank your OBGYN." "Thank me. I'm too scatterbrained to remember breakfast some mornings let alone a pill." She smiled and sighed as he unhooked her bra, a caress following the straps as they slid down her arms. He pressed his face between her breasts, kissing her here and inhaling the scent of her skin mixed with the faint scent of her perfume. She wiggled her hips pressing herself as close to his growing arousal as she could through two pair of jeans. "Are we going to give little Queequeg a show?" Mulder looked at where the dog was sitting on the chair across the room, watching them with his head tilted to the side. "Watch and weep, ol' buddy." They wasted no time divesting themselves of the rest of their clothing before Cassy pushed him back on the couch. She straddled his hips and began to nibble her way along his chest, pausing to suck and tease each nipple before tracing the line of each rib with her tongue. Her body slid down as she went, the texture and friction of skin flowing against skin. "Ummm... Mulder, brace yourself." That was all the warning he got before she dropped her outer shields allowing an empathic link to flow between them, binding them as they shared each other's sensations so it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. It was a hell of a rush, and gratifying to no end to know just how one affects one's partner. Right now she could feel just how much she affected him, as if the proof were not pressing rather uncomfortably against her ribs. She slid down some more, nipping at the taught flesh of his abs before descending further. "Like, is this the stick shift?" One hand cupped him, she adored the feel of the springy hair against her palms, of the soft velvet. She ran her tongue up his length and licked at the tip. He groaned and she felt his hand in her hair, neither forcing her down nor drawing her away, just touching her, allowing her to choose. Feeling his reaction every bit as much as he did she felt a surge of dampness between her legs. They both shivered in delight as she took him into her mouth, smooth and hard, salty to the taste. She thumped her tongue in a rhythm against the tip as she began to suckle while her hand rubbed and kneaded, moving her mouth up and down. His grip in her hair became painful. There, just like that... she was so close, close enough to the brink now herself that she knew she had to stop. She wanted this to last a while more. With a final kiss to the tip of his sex she moved on, kissing his thighs, then licking along the dangerous looking scar along his inner left thigh. Wasn't there a major artery there? How did he survive that one? He sat up and moved his hand from her hair to cup her head just above her neck, dragging her up into a kiss. He nibbled at her lips then ran his tongue over them to soothe, before plunging deep to taste as much as he could. He managed to somehow shift and twist on the narrow confines of the couch so that she was under him. His mouth left hers to blaze a trail of fire down her throat. His lips touched her breasts, lathing each tight bud with his tongue before suckling gently. All to soon he was moving away to plant kisses on her stomach, to dip his tongue into her navel before he pressed a kiss lower still. Cassandra bit her lip as she felt his mouth on her, his hands moving to cup her ass and tilt her up as his tongue ran over her every hidden fold and crease, flicking, suckling. Cassy was going mad and she had to fight against the rising orgasm because, linked together as they were she knew if she gave in so would he. It was a heady mixture of pleasure and the pain of fighting against release. She wanted him inside her. "Stop!" She gasped as his tongue flicked inside her to taste the sweetness of her own arousal and need. "Oh Lord. Mulder, stop. I want you inside me." He did stop and moved up her again, claiming her mouth in a kiss that allowed her to taste herself on his tongue, a sweet saltiness. His hands spread her thighs and he entered her in one smooth thrust. She grinned and twisted, throwing them both off balance and off the couch to land with a crash on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. She barely noticed that she banged her arm on the table in that maneuver. She had the desired effect; she was on top. She began to move before he could protest. His hands moved to her waist helping to guide the pace as she moved, impaling herself on him again and again; they were both to close for it to last long, though. In moments she arched her back and neck, throwing her head back, crying out as her body was wracked with the first powerful convulsion, tightening around him in wracking spasms. She looked down at him to see the particular look of pleasure and pain on his face as he spilled into her. Exhausted she fell forward to rest her head against his chest even as she pulled her shields back up, separating them even if they were still physically joined. She had stayed the night. Cassandra found that sharing a shower could be fun as well, if not conducive to actually getting clean. She had to return to her own apartment to change, however. The circus started at noon. Tammy gave her an exasperated look when she came through the door. In three months though she knew that words would mean nothing. At least Tammy helped her pick out something to wear. A nice broom skirt and a green sweater with ankle high black suede boots. Mulder knocked at the door at eleven. Tammy answered as Cassy was still finishing her make up. Cassy came out to hear Tammy humming the theme to the Twilight Zone. She smiled when she saw he was wearing a green sweater in the same shade as hers. "Shut up, Tammy. Great minds think alike. Besides, we both have green eyes and any fool know wearing green shows them up." "And here I thought it meant you were horny." Her friend smiled at her and dodged the playful slap aimed at her arm. "Now you kids remember that if you get sick from eating too many candy apples and cotton candy, Aunt Tammy is NOT going to hold you while you're sick." ***************************** There wasn't a big top. The circus was inside a large armory building with bleacher seats surrounding three brightly painted rings. Their seats were close enough to the center and high enough up they had a pretty good view of everything. Mulder bought her a headband made out of a twisted balloon and made her wear it. She wore it because she was not only enjoying herself, she loved the way Mulder looked at that moment. The lines of care and tension were washed away leaving an innocent little boy face she usually only saw when he was sleeping dreamlessly. He was the most intriguing mix of troubled and sensitive adult and childlike charm. Now if only the darkness lurking in his eyes would go away as well... It belied the fact that he was trying so very hard. They watched the parade and the trapeze, and she poked him in the ribs at the speculative look in his eyes at the trained dog act. "Don't even think it. If you kill the dog she'll shoot you again and I have an attachment for the place most likely aimed for." Cassy stage whispered to him over the applause of the crowd. He only grinned and pointed to a group of clowns coming out to make everyone laugh at their outrageous antics. They fed each other cotton candy and awful hot dogs. It was wonderful. Cassy licked the last strands of Mulder's fingers when she caught the look in his eye. Her own eyes grew wide. "You can't be serious..." He just took her hand. The high wire act was on now, and everyone else was looking up, people barely even noticed the two of them leave the bleachers. This was insane, unbelievable, he couldn't be serious. She felt her hand enveloped in his as he pulled her along, taking her around and leading her UNDERNEATH the bleacher seats, surrounded by paper waste and bits of popcorn. "Are you crazy? I am not going along with this." Cassy pulled her hand away and crossed her arms. "An exhibitionist I'm not. This goes way beyond sane and rational." "Don't you have any adventure in your soul?" He gave her a completely bedeviling grin. "Plenty, but this isn't adventure... this is... I COULDN'T!" He moved closer to her as she talked, until she backed up against a bleacher support. "Everyone is watching the high wire, and after that the lion tamer. We are in the back of the building, no one walks by here." There it was, that desperate, haunted look in his eyes. He wanted this. He wanted the risk, and the escape of it. He wanted this so he could, for this brief moment, become completely lost in her. The circus itself wasn't working as well as he had hoped. She realized with a painful twisting of her heart, that he had been putting on a show most of the time here. Painting on the mask of carefree delight and trying to convince HIMSELF that it was real. She had been unable to sense it before now, due to the multitudes around them. "This is the CIRCUS, Mulder. We are surrounded by hundreds of people." She tried to rationalize even as she accepted that she would give in. She could not refuse him what he so craved. He kissed her then, reaching under her sweater to cup her breast, his thumb rubbing against her nipples through her lace bra. She felt herself coming alive at his touch. She moaned into his mouth and leaned closer. He kissed her neck, gently sucking at the spot just below her ear. She shivered. "I... I can't drop shields here. All these people... it would burn me out." She trembled as his hands gathered up her skirt to slide along her hip. No pantyhose. "So don't. Be yourself. It's nice, but not everything." His fingers traced the outline of her panties, over her hip, down the front, cupping her. She writhed against him. "I can't believe I'm doing this." She kissed him back then, reaching under his sweater to touch and stroke him. The very fact that anyone could walk by behind the bleachers sent a wildly wanton thrill through her. She undid the fly of his jeans, feeling that he was already hard, his erection straining the fabric of his jeans. She tugged the jeans down a bit, freeing him into her hand, heavy and ready. He grasped her waist and lifted her up, her back against the brace, and she wrapped her legs around him, she didn't need any more foreplay and he moved her panties aside before he lowered her onto himself. He was holding her, supporting her against the wooden brace as he began to move. Cassandra bit her lip, not wanting to make a sound to draw the attention of all the people above them. Not that she would. Wild applause echoed through the building and she heard the distant roar of the great cats. She buried her head against his neck, moving with him, taking all of him as the pace quickened. Her nails dug into his shoulders and her teeth clamped where his neck and shoulder met as she felt herself climbing up, up... only to explode in a cacophony of light and wonder. He followed her quickly. She whimpered, tasting blood she realized she had actually bitten him. Applause surrounded them. "Think that's for us?" He joked into her ear as he let her slide down and helped her to clean up and arrange her clothes. "It might as well be." She smiled. "You are a terrible influence on me, Fox Mulder. A quickie at the circus is not my usual style." He straightened up his jeans and grinned before kissing her again. "But it becomes you. Come on, let's go watch the rest of the show." "You want to go back out there? You are bleeding because I bit you." She pulled out another tissue and dabbed at the spot. "A hickey is one thing but that is ridiculous, it might get infected." "It would be worth it." He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "But my sweater will cover it, and the horse show hasn't come out yet." "You are insane. Alright, but I'm going to be convinced that everyone will just be staring at us and KNOW what we just did." "They won't. Come on." He tugged on her hand again. "I already did" She giggled. ***************************** They returned to the apartment complex late. They went for some real food after the circus and just sat and talked about little things. Silly things, like why he wore such God-awful ties to work, and why she let her boss push her around too much. He took her back to her apartment, even though she had offered to walk Queequeg again for him tonight. "I better do it. Scully will kill me if she thinks I foisted him off on someone." He kissed her goodnight and stayed in the hall until she closed the door behind her. Tammy wasn't there. She had left a note on the fridge. Gone out with Chuck. Be back by midnight. Did you enjoy the circus? Tammy Cassy smiled to herself as she went to get a nice, hot bubble bath. She would never look at the circus quite the same way again. ==============================================