WELCOME TO KALAZAR'S JOKE PAGE

Humans have a marvelous sense of humor and in my wanderings I've picked up a few jokes which I'm going to try out on you. Remember I'm an ALIEN so don't groan TOO loud. Applause would be nice.

I'm am particularly fond on the Star Trek series and have gone to a number of conventions.(They loved my COSTUME!!!HA) Here are someof the jokes I pick up from the fans:

Beam me up Scotty, There's no intelligent life down here.

Very funny Scotty. Now Beam down my clothes.

We are Mircosoft. Resistance is Furtile. You will be absorbed.

Make your own Tribble. Get a hamster and tape up his legs!

You Might be A Trekker if:

You believe Ross Periot owns a copy of the Ferengi "Rules of Acqusition"

You believe Ross Periot IS a Ferengi.

You think Q_TIPS is a self help book written by a Star Trek Villian.

You find a hairball and think it's a Tribble.

You get in your auto and say engage.

Flying around your cities, I keep finding the funniest slogans, etc.
I particularly enjoy bumper stickers. (what a concept! wish we had
cars on my planet). My favorite bumpers stickers are:

WRITTEN IN THE DIRT ON A CAR-DON'T CLEAN: SEEDS PLANTED!

ORGANIZED CRIME IS ALIVE AND WELL!IT'S CALLED AUTO INSURANCE

PUT BRAIN IN GEAR BEFORE ENGAGING MOUTH.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR- IT'S CHEAPER!

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED-SO MUCH FOR BUNGEE JUMPING.

EQUALITY IS A MYTH! WOMEN ARE BETTER.

IS THER INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH?YES, BUT I'M ONLY VISITING

WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART

KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO CAN COUNT AND THOSE WHO CAN'T

WHY IS "ABBREVATION" SUCH A LONG WORD?

BUMPER STICKER IN THE YEAR 2100: DISCO STILL SUCK

THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE

MEN ARE PROOF THAT WOMEN CAN TAKE A JOKE

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED?

WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE DOTS ON THE DRIVE-UP ATMS?

WHY,WHEN YOU SEND SOMETHING BY CAR, IT'S CALLED A SHIPMENT BUT WHEN YOU SEND IT BY SHIP IT'S CALLED CARGO?

YOUR NOSE RUNS BUT YOUR FEET SMELL?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S AN ENDLESS LOOP?


POLITICS-PSHEW! Your governmental structures are easy to understand
but your
POLITICS are mind-boggling. At home if you don't like someone all you
do is sneeze on them.Then you only have to worry about cleaning up the
 ash!Whatever...
I have read you "newspapers" and found some funny material in a contest
held by the WASHINGTON POST. They asked readers to dream up new elements
for the Periodic Table. Here are some of the results:

LIMBAUGHIUM Lb: The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever expanding mass. Very white. Acidic.
Emits heat but no light, Instantly polarizes all elements that come into contact with
it. Repels protons and electrons: attracts only morons.
Billclintium Bc: With a slick appearance and a slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting
changes when in hot water.
Canadium Eh: Similar to Americium but a little denser, Much more rigid, Often called Boron.
Innofensium Pc: Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leftons and quarks. Completely
inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Newtium Nt: Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge, Does not possess magnetic properties.
Can be purshased cheaply.
Politicium Po: Contains a great deal of gas, Similar to Radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations
in the House.
Congress Cg: Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

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