Here's a collection of some of the funniest quotes, in my opinion, from the movie: The Blues Brothers.
*Warning* Some of these quotes contain potty language. If you will be offended, please don't continue to read. You have been warned.
(On the Highway, being chased by police)
Jake Blues: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie
to me about the band. Now you're
gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
(In the Bluesmobile)
Elwood: Shit.
Jake: What?
Elwood: Rollers.
Jake: No.
Elwood: Yeah.
Jake: Shit.
(In a tunnel outside the Palace Hotel Ballroom)
Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas,
half a pack of cigarettes; it's dark and we're
wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.
Elwood: Illinois Nazis.
Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.
Jake: How often does the train go by?
Elwood: So often you don't even notice it.
Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?
Elwood: No, ma'am. We're musicians.
Jake Blues to Sister Mary Stigmata: 5 grand? No problem, we'll have it
for you in the morning. Let's go,
Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake with a ruler for using that kind
of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then
I said; I guess you're really up Shit
Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake with the ruler again]
Elwood: Christ Jake! Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood]
Jake: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake]
Elwood: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood]
Jake: Shit!
(Jake to his ex-fiance who he left standing at the altar): I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change
for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I
locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town!
Someone stole my car! There was an
earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO
GOD!
Jake: You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in
touch with the band. I kept asking
you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood: What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away
the very thing that kept you going
in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you 'k?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't lies, it was just bullshit.
Elwood: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!
Jake: Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline: Hold it, hold it. Tomorrow night? What are you talking
about? A gig like that, you gotta prepare the
proper exploitation.
Elwood: I know all about that stuff. I've been exploited all my
life.
Jake's ex-fiance flame throws a propane tank next to the phone booth they are in blowing them
sky high and crashing down to
earth - the phone breaking in half as they hit the ground]
Elwood: Hey Jake! Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change
here!
