Doin' it the hard ways - Johnny Burke, Jimmy
Van Heusen
At the early age of three, it first occurred to me,
a girl should always try to improve herself.
While others played with toys,
I practiced charm and poise, and finished Dr. Elliott's five-foot shelf.
I exercised each morning, cold-creamed my face each night;
saw my dentist twice a year, curbed my appetite.
And so, I modestly admit……it didn't help one single bit!
Some girls can make any man dream by flashin' an innocent gleam.
Me,
I do a nip up, curl my upper lip up, light a roman candle and scream:
"I have to do it the hard way!"
Some girls can wear any old rags, and capture the wolves and the stags.
Me, I dress in sables, walk across the tables, waving 3 American flags:
I have to do it the hard way.
Let's say there's a dance, they're playing a waltz; and I want romance……
That's when I begin turnin' somersaults!
Some girls can keep men on their toes by smilin' and throwin' a rose.
Me, I wrack my noodle, whistle ""Yankee Doodle,""
balancin' a broom on my nose.
Oh, I'm a' tellin' you, Pard:
I have to do it the hard way.
Suppose there's a park, a boy on a bench. I'm out for a lark……
So I make him fall with a monkey wrench.
When someone like Hedy Lamar steps into the swankiest bar,
all the fellas get up, light her cigarette up.
Me, I'd have to smoke a cigar – and then, they'd call me a card.
Doctor, is there a chance for me? Can't you cure this insanity?
I'm tired of tearin' up the town, bein' one of the sights,
wearin' funny hats trimmed in neon lights.
Why must I always be battered and scarred?
Doin' ev'rything the hard way!
