The
Waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid
(1941 "BIRTH OF THE BLUES"/Johnny
Mercer)
As your genial host, may I offer
a toast to the wine-buying guest on my right
(Hurray! For the wine-buyer!
Yes, drag out the cookin' sherry for the old Colonel):
May his bank account grow heavy-laden
with dough; may he spend it in here ev'ry night
(Ev'ry night!).
Seeing this night in its glory,
you people so loyal, so true; puts me in mind of a story……
(Tell us about it, pray, do!)
The people in the ballroom were stuffy
and arty, so I began to get just a little bit frayed;
I sneaked into the kitchen, I dug
me a party:
The waiter and the porter and the
second-story maid.
I peeked into the parlor, to see
what was a'hatchin', in time to hear the hostess suggest a charade.
But who was in the pantry, a'laughin'
and scratchin'?
The waiter and the porter and the
upstairs maid!
When they heard the music that the
orchestra played,
The waiter and the porter grabbed
a-hold of the maid:
Then they all proceeded to go into
a clog……hot diggety dog!
If ever I'm invited to some fuddy-duddy's,
I ain't a'gonna watch any Harlequinade:
You'll find me in the kitchen applaudin'
my buddys……
The waiter and the porter and the
upstairs maid.
Well, pardon me, folks; the roast
is carved, the wine is served……why, you look half-starved!
(Pardon me, sir, may we be free?
The kitchen crowd is havin' a jamboree!)
I went and got a dishpan to use
as a cymbal, the porter found a regular glass that he played.
The fingers of the waiter were each
in a thimble:
You shoulda heard the music that
the combination made!
Marchin' through the kitchen to
the pantry and back.
Man, you shoulda seen us, we were
ballin' the jack.
Once a half an hour passed without
any call:
Jack, we had a ball!
The waltzes and mazurkas, we hate
'em, we spurn 'em:
We gotta lotta rhythms we want to
hear played.
Yes, and we know who to go to when
we want to learn 'em……the waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid.
