What does a clam and a vagina have in common?
You don't eat them when the red tide comes in!!!
why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?
so she can moan with her right hand
why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?
so people can read her lips
What goes Ha Ha, Thump, Thump?
A man laughing his balls off!
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
the wheelchair
Why do blind people hate to skydive?
It scare's the dog.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too!!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet!
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1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
4. I'm sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don't we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It's more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn't know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won't take long.
36. Let's just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you're done.
50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it's hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat??? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!!!
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Don't hold back.
71. Nevermind, why bother.
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Why are things typed up but written down?
what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Do cows drink milk?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
Why are Softballs hard?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
if the professor on Gillian's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
Why do all the days of the week end in "y"?
Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
If God created everything, and He knows everything ahead of time, why did He create Satan?
On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep?
Are there female leprechauns?
Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down,and
cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered
toast to the back of a cat?
If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A. & Canada?
What does OK actually mean
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
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