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Insert Standard Disclaimer:
Nothing rw/yst is mine, just borrowing
them. Not making any money
off this, and I'm broke after all the
Christmas presents I've bought,
so please don't sue. The fic idea is
mine, and so is Mika, though
I'm going to shoot the chick myself if I
can't get her out of my head
soon.
*what*?
"All right! Whoohoo! Way to go Sai!"
"Kento! Down boy!"
"Aw, c’mon Ryo. That’s a good one! Couldn’t have done better myself!"
I have to *WHAT*?!?
"Maybe so, but if you don’t sit down, then none
of us will be able to
see the show!"
"Oops! Sorry, Ryo."
Oh God. Kiss him? S-Sage? Oh
Sai, how could you do this to me? I can
tell just by looking at you that you know exactly
what you’re asking of
me.
"Ewwwww! Saaaage, this is stupid!"
"Mika! If you don’t like it, then leave!"
"We should! I’ve had about enough of you and your stupid games, Kento!"
"Funny, everyone else in the room is enjoying
them. Can’t help it if
you’re no fun!"
This can’t be happening. Dear lord.
So this is how it feels to have
your heart sink into your stomach. Think
I’m going to be sick.
"Stop it, the two of you! Why don’t you *both* act your ages!"
"Sai’s right guys. It’s just a game fer chrissakes!"
"Sorry, Ryo."
"It’s all right, Kento, but if you can’t get along
with her, then
ignore her."
"Hmmph!"
There has to be some way out of this. Some
way to salvage this without
making a complete idiot of myself. Some
way I can keep Sage and
everyone else from finding out how I really feel.
God, Rowan, you’re
supposed to be so smart. Get a grip and
*think*!
"So come on guys, let’s see what you both got."
"Ryo, don’t you think we should ask Sage if he’s
willing to go along
with this?"
Yes! Knew I could count on Mia, she’s always
the voice of reason. Come
on Sage, she’s just given you a way out.
Please, God, take it.
"Hey! No one gave *me* a choice about letting *HIM* touch me!"
"*MIKA*!"
"All right, all right, you all don’t need to yell
at me, but it’s
*still* not fair!"
I’ll even take her sulking if it diverts attention
away from me. I’d
even be happy if it influenced Sage just this
once.
"I don’t mind, I’ll play along."
Or not. Hell, Sage, don’t *do* this to me. I. Am. Doomed.
"Saaaaage! Eeeeyuck! How could you
even consider it? Come on, you
don’t have to do *any* of this. Let’s *go*
already."
All right, Mika! Never thought I’d be cheering
her on, but hell, I’ll
take salvation from any quarter. Even from
*her*. God, pathetic *and*
desperate. I really *am* doomed.
"Mika, chill. I said it’s all right.
It’s only a game, and I did agree
to play it. It’s just a kiss. It’s
not as if it means anything."
Just a game. Doesn’t mean a thing!
Oh lord, I really do feel sick. To
kiss him just once… I remember that one
time. Painted such a vivid
picture of one single kiss, dreamed it was so
good, and that alone was
enough to make me come. Don’t think I’ve
ever been this close to tears
in my adult life. Somehow, I’d always hoped…
but I can’t read anything
from him, no hidden meaning behind his words.
I really think he means
it. To kiss me *will* mean nothing to him.
I don’t think I can deal
with this.
"But-, but-, but Saaaaage! He-, he’s a *boy*!"
"Oh good, you noticed. Come on, Mika, that
hardly makes a difference.
It’s not a big deal."
Never thought all my hopes and dreams could be
derailed with such a
simple sentence. I *can’t* go through with
this. He’ll know. He’ll
feel it in my body, he’ll read it in the kiss.
If I do this, there’s no
way I’ll be able to hold anything back.
And as soon as he sees in my
eyes the feelings I’ve tried so hard to hide,
it’ll all be over.
Everything. I can’t do this.
"If you guys are finished, can we get *on* with this?"
"Kento’s right."
"Thank you, Sai."
Or can I? This will be the only opportunity
I’ll *ever* have to kiss
him, he’s made that much plain to me. Can
I let that opportunity pass?
Oh lord, my only chance to ever find out what
he feels like and how he
tastes. Can I take that chance and control
myself?
"Let’s go, Rowen!"
"Not trying to back out of it *are* you?"
"Kento, Ryo… You’re awfully quiet, Rowen. What are you waiting for?"
Hell, now they’re all staring at me. Somehow,
some way I’ll get you for
this Sai. Decision time, Ro, it’s now or
never. What’ll it be? "I-,
nothing, Sai. Not waiting for a thing."
Have to do it, have no
choice. Got to know. Even if it’ll
never be anything *but* a game to
him. Maybe I can somehow *make* it mean
more to him. Maybe something
good *can* come out of this fiasco.
"So, Rowen, *do* it already!"
"All right, all right! Geez, give
me a break Kento." Got to take the
chance… Just remember control. As
long as I can maintain control,
we’ll still remain friends. Losing his
friendship is *not* an option.
"All set Sage?"
"Ready whenever you are, Rowen."
"So c’mere." At least he’s thoroughly ignoring
Mika, though he’s
missing a good impersonation of a fish.
Never seen her speechless
before. Hell, don’t think of the viper,
at least not now. One single
opportunity, remember? Make the most of
what you can get. Can’t let
*anything* ruin this, least of all *her*.
Brace yourself, Rowan, he’s
only a few steps away. Can’t tear my eyes
away. The way he moves, so
graceful…
"Finally!"
Stops in front of me. Can’t force myself
to move. God, I can’t read
his expression. Just what’s going on behind
those pale eyes?
"Relax, Rowen, it’s only 5 minutes. It’ll
be over with before you know
it."
Hope a nod is sufficient since my voice seems
to have dried up. *Only*
5 minutes? A blink of an eye *and* an eternity.
He’s so close… and
still so far away.
"Let’s do it."
Voice so soft, for my ears alone. Could
wish he sounded less as if he
were about to face off with the old Warlords
and more as if this were
something pleasant… Reaching for me.
Control, Rowen! No gasping!
Breath deeply and evenly… But, oh his hands
feel so good on me, even if
they are just on my shoulders. Don’t close
the eyes, *don’t* look like
you’re enjoying his touch.
"Will you two get *on* with it?"
"Kento!"
"But Mia, the dare was a kiss, not to stand there
and gaze soulfully
into each other’s eyes."
Tune them out. I *can* do that. Where
to place my hands? Shouldn’t
touch him at all, but the temptation… can’t resist.
Shoulders probably
the safest bet, but I wish… Oh God,
do I dare?
"Kento, give them *both* a break already."
"Yes, Ryo. Sorry, Ryo."
"And don’t play meek. It’s *very* unbecoming."
Yessss… Feels so good. Skin on his
cheek is so soft, not at all like
his hands. No scars, no calluses.
Would the rest of him feel this
good? Oh lord, control Rowen, remember
control!
"And don’t stick your tongue out at me.
God, some day I’m gonna rip it
out and strangle you with it."
"Ew, Ryo. That’s disgusting."
"Yes, Mia. Sorry, Mia."
"Don’t *you* play meek with *me*, Ryo. It’s
no more attractive on you
than it was on Kento."
He’s leaning closer… Lips brush, once, twice.
Finally, solid contact.
God, softer than silk… Drowning…
Control, damn it! I’m supposed to
survive for 5 minutes? One one-thousand,
two one-thousand, three
one-thousand…
"Shhh! They’re doing it!" (Sai)
"Yeah! Go for it!" (Ryo)
"Remember the tongue! You guys gotta french!" (Kento)
Mouth open enough to permit entrance. Barely,
but it’s enough.
Explosion of taste… So slick and hot…
Sweeter than wine… Lord, I
could devour him! Oh, no! Where was
I in that count? Oh hell, who
cares? So hard to concentrate. Really
kissing him.
"Ewwwww! *Saaaaage*!
But… he’s hardly kissing back. Wrong.
This is so wrong! He’s hardly
responding. Only the barest minimum to
fulfill the dare. Mouth still
barely open, tongue hardly moving. So rigid
under my hands. Dare I
look? Oh God! His eyes are open,
but they’re so… lifeless and dull, as
if he were stuck in some lecture bored out of
his skull! So little
shines through… So mechanical. Like
kissing a mannequin. *Doesn’t*
mean anything to him!
"Eeeeyuck! Sage, baby, how could you do this to meeeee?"
"Shut *up* already!"
"Shut up yourself, Kento!"
"Oooo, *what* a comeback. What rapier wit!"
"Oh, you are both *so* mature. Swear I’m
gonna send you to opposite
corners of the room!"
"Kento, Mika, Ryo. Why don’t *all* of you be quiet?"
"Yes, Sai. Sorry, Sai." (chorus)
"You’re all impossible! And *don’t* encourage them by laughing, Mia."
Not how it’s supposed to be! Dreamed of
him melting against me!.
Idiot! Stupid, stupid, *stupid* idiot!
What a fool I was to believe
that I could make this mean something to him.
Should’ve bailed when I
had the chance.
"This is *so* disgusting. I’m going to be sick!"
"Mika, that’s *quite* enough!"
"You’ve no right to tell me what to do, Mia!"
Never should’ve taken the chance, never should’ve
opened my eyes. Then
at least I’d still have my fantasies. Could
pretend that someday he’d
love me… want me… Reality check, Rowen.
*Never* wanted you that way,
and *never* will! It’s obvious! Can’t.
Can’t continue this!
"Sure she can! Why don’t you just take your
prejudiced ass and get
*out* of here!"
"We *could* just throw her out, Kento."
"Good idea, Ryo."
"Don’t bother yourselves. I’m leaving *and*
taking Sage with me. Can’t
see how he could *possibly* hang with a bunch
of-, of-, of *people* like
you! Don’t know how you’ve managed to convince
him to go along with all
this! You’re all sick! Boys kissing
boys. Come *on*, Sage."
She… pulled him away. She may be having
delusions about the amount of
influence she has on Sage, but got to give credit
where credit is due.
I think the viper just managed to save me.
How ironic.
"Saaaage. We’ve gotta get *out* of here!"
He’s ignoring her. Though how he can when
she’s clinging like a
barnacle I’ll never know.
"Rowen?"
His voice is so soft, no one else hears.
Struck mute, can only shake my
head. Lord, drop your eyes before your
soul leaks out through them.
Idiot! Just focus on the floor. Away!
Just step away! Move out of
the circle. Funny. Thought a broken
heart would hurt more. Feel
nothing but numbness.
"Saaage, let’s go…"
"Mika, get your hand off my arm. You *don’t* want me to do it for you."
Deep breath. It’s over, finished, end game…
but it never *was* a game,
not to me. Lord, numbness fading, heart
pounding in ears, in temples…
Hurts… God, it *does* hurt. More
than any wound ever received in
battle.
"Sage, I want you to leave with me."
"I don’t think so, Mika. I believe you should
go now, you’ve more than
outstayed your welcome."
Just dismissed her. Well, at least something
has gone right tonight.
She won’t be in his life any longer. But,
God, he’s turning back
towards me. "Gotta get out of here…"
Hell, not enough I have so little
control over myself that I actually succumbed
to the temptation to kiss
him, now I’ve lost control over my mouth.
Didn’t mean to speak that
aloud, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
Gotta get out of here
before I lose it altogether.
"Rowan?"
Damn him, eyes are drawn to him, attracted like
metal to a magnet.
Something else I can’t control. Damn him
and damn me! God, I hurt.
Never felt like this before. Then again,
I’ve never had every dream I
possessed shattered before. No reaction.
Doesn’t want me. Look away.
Got to keep at least his friendship, can’t lose
him entirely.
"Rowen? Are you all right?"
"No, Sai." Is that my voice? So faint.
Oh, Sai, damn you for starting
this! No, not fair. Can’t blame Sai.
My fault, not his. Hell, I
*gotta* get out of here. It’s the only
hope I have to salvage what
little remains of myself. Force words,
*any* words. "I-, don’t feel so
good all’ava sudden." Words have always
been my allies before. So why
can’t I think of anything more intelligent and
convincing to say? "I-,
I gotta go."
Sounding as hollow and final as if it belonged
on a crypt instead of an
up-class hotel room, the door slammed shut behind
Rowen, leaving stunned
silence to reign uncontested in his wake.
To be continued...
So, how horrible was it?
I wrote the bulk of this under the influences
of heavy doses of caffeine.
I don't know *what* possessed me to
undertake a multi-parter during
the holidays. I can be such an idiot at
times. Anyway, let me
know what you think.
Ladyglen (who's feeling rather frazzled right about now)
