|
|
Hand still on the doorknob, Sage looked furtively
up and down the
hallway, then exhaled a heartfelt sigh of relief.
He’d half expected
Mika to be lurking about, ready to waylay him
the moment he set foot
outside of Ryo’s room. It seemed he was
safe… for the moment.
Tossing his head to flip his bangs from his eye,
Sage put the girl from
his mind. If she showed up again, he’d
deal with her, but for now, she
was out of his life. Rowen wasn’t; Rowen
was his life… or he could be
if only Sage could figure out what to say to
him.
What could be said? Rowen would be anything
but receptive after that
kiss. Sage knew he could hardly just blurt
out, ‘Rowen, I love you.
Let’s get naked’. Rowen would either laugh
in his face or make him a
pincushion, neither reaction one that Sage wished
to elicit.
That kiss. More than anything, Sage wished
he could go back and do it
all over again, change the way he had reacted,
but that was impossible.
For better or for worse, he’d forced himself
to be detached as his lips
had touched his friend’s for the first time,
he’d forced himself not to
lean into the hand that Rowen had placed on his
cheek, he’d forced
himself not to draw that strong, slender body
closer to his own.
Rowen had put a great deal of himself into that
kiss, enough, at least,
so that when Sage had barely responded, the archer
had been hurt. This
once, keeping himself safe had been a tremendous
tactical error.
Perhaps the greatest one he’d ever made.
This once, finally, he should
have taken the opportunity to submit to the desire
that had consumed him
for so long. But he hadn’t. He couldn’t.
The habits of a lifetime
were too deeply ingrained, and now he had to
deal with the fallout.
Could the situation be salvaged? Yes, or
so Sage had to believe, for
the alternative was unthinkable. Sage shook
his head again, wishing
that the room he and Rowen were to share that
night was on the other
side of the hotel. Two doors down the hall
didn’t leave him with a
great deal of time for strategic planning.
Sage paused just outside his room, rummaging through
the pockets of his
trousers. All the strategic planning in
the world wouldn’t do him any
good if he couldn’t find the damned key card.
Frustration growing, he
slipped his wallet out of his back pocket, fruitlessly
expanding his
search.
Ten bright cheery-red blobs wiggled cheerfully
up at him as he replaced
his wallet. Ah hell, his toes! With
a groan, Sage remembered removing
his jacket the same time he’d taken off his shoes
and socks so that Mia
could paint his nails. Idiotic game!
The card was in the jacket, and
he’d left the jacket behind in Ryo’s room.
He *couldn’t* return there
so soon after leaving if he wanted to avoid more
teasing than he was up
to handling at the moment. This night was
turning out disastrous. What
else could go wrong?
Not knowing if Rowen would be willing to let him
in, Sage let his head
fall forward until his forehead hit the room’s
door with a resounding
thud. It was as good a way to knock as
any.
**********************************
A bad dream. This has all got to be a bad
dream. Please… Please just
let me wake up. Do anything. Please…
Won’t someone just make it all
go away?
Don’t delude yourself. It happened, there’s
no escaping that fact.
Done some stupid things in your life, Rowen,
but kissing your best
friend has *got* to be the most asinine.
Never should have surrendered
my illusions. I have nothing now.
Maybe if I just pull the covers over
my head, I’ll sleep. Maybe in sleep, I
can forget…
*THUD*
Wha…? What the hell was that? Sounded
like someone dropped a cinder
block in the hall. Wait, the door…
Oh, no. Nononononono… Please,
don’t let it be…
*knock* "Rowen?"
Oh hell, it is. Sage. There is absolutely *no* way I can face him.
*knock, knock, BANG* "Rowen, please wake up and let me in."
Let him in? What happened to his key?
Why can’t he just go and spend
the night with one of the others? Maybe
in the morning it’ll be easier
to pretend this entire miserable night never
happened.
*knock, knock…, THUD* "Rowen… please?"
Oh, god, Sage. He almost sounds… lost.
Why does he have to do this to
me? How can he make me want to just take
him in my arms and comfort him
with two simple, little words? How can
he twist my heart like this? He
doesn’t even have a clue that he can… and
does, all too often.
I am screwed. I can’t do it. Can’t
just ignore him and leave him there
in the hall… no matter how much I don’t
want to talk to him. If I’m
back with the covers over my head again before
he’s even through the
door, then maybe I won’t have to.
*click* Door’s shut, but I don’t hear footsteps.
Wouldn’t anyway; he’s
so graceful, so light on his feet. Wait…
A sigh? Slight rustling
from the other bed… and nothing more.
Well, Sage, I guess there
*isn’t* anything to talk about after all.
Thanks *so* much! Why was I
so worried? I’m the only one having a severe
crisis here. He, most
likely, isn’t even aware of a problem.
What happened to not deluding yourself, Strata?
He doesn’t care,
remember? I didn’t want to talk to him,
and I’m not. Got what I
wanted… so why do I ache even more than
before? Stupid, pathetic,
pitiful…
"Rowen?"
Moronic, sad, delusional, idio…
"Ro…"
Huh? Mattress shifted. Thought he
was going to bed. What the hell is
he doing?
"Rowen, will you please come out of there? I’d like to talk with you."
Talk with me? Talk? I can’t talk to *you*. You gotta be kidding me!
Completely pathetic! You’re losing it, Rowen!
You were just upset that
he wasn’t going to try to talk to you, and now
you’re panicking because
he *is* trying to talk to you. Can you
get any more messed up than you
already are? Have you even a clue as to
what you actually want?
No… No, I don’t know. I don’t know anything,
except that I want him. I
want him, and I can’t have him, and it hurts.
So cold. Feel so cold.
Please just go away and leave me alone, Sage.
Please…?
"Rowen, are you all right?"
Am I…? No, not at all. What would
you do if I told you I don’t think
I’ll ever be all right again, Sage? Probably
look at me like I’d just
sprouted horns. But, it’s true. How
will I continue with this hole
deep within me?
Great. Sounds like I’ve come straight from
the pages of a romance
novel. A *bad* romance novel. What
have I been reduced to?
"Rowen, I know you’re not sleeping, and ignoring
me won’t make me go
away. I’m more stubborn than you are."
Care to take bets on that? I can’t deal
with this anymore. Please,
just stop.
"Rowen, I’m going to keep badgering you until
you come out of there and
talk to me."
"Don’t bother, Sage. ’M fine." All
right? Good enough for you, Sage?
Please, just let that be enough to satisfy him.
"Are you? You didn’t look fine when you left."
Gee, you noticed? Will wonders never cease?
Hell, that’s not fair, and
I know it. Why won’t he just say good night?
The gods are frowning on
me. Must’ve been an ax murderer in a previous
life to deserve this. Go
*away*, Sage!
"Rowen!"
"Didn’t feel so good. Must’ve been too much to drink. ‘M fine now."
"If you’re fine, then come out of there so we can talk."
No way, no how! There’s nothing to say. I’m not…
"Rowen, please! I can’t keep talking to a pile of blankets!"
That’s kinda the point, Sage. If you can’t
talk to blankets, then maybe
you’ll just leave me alone. Whoop!
Hey! Oh, wonderful, now he’s
trying to tug the covers offa me. He wants
a tug-of-war? I’ll give him
one. No *way* I’m letting go of these blankets.
"Damn it, Rowen, you’re acting like a child!"
"I am not!" Fine! I’m out. Happy?
Heh, looks as if he’s really
trying not to say ‘Are too!’ God, he’s
so beautiful. It’s going to be
so hard to spend the rest of my life just looking
at him. Never to
touch… Oh god, should never have come out,
no matter how childish he
thinks I’m acting. Never to touch, never
again! Gotta end this.
"Look, Sage. I’m all right. I’m just
tired, and I’d like to get some
sleep. Okay?"
"No, Rowen, it’s not okay. I need to talk to you."
What could he possibly have to say? His
eyes are so wide, so… earnest,
so… open. Less guarded than I think I’ve
ever seen them, yet I still
can’t quite read what they contain. Dare
I ask? I gotta be out of my
mind. "So talk."
"My, aren’t you just *brimming* with eagerness?
You look like a man
who’s about to be led to the gallows."
"Spare me the sarcasm, Sage. If you’ve something
meaningful to say to
me, then say it!" So sharp. Didn’t
mean for that to come out sounding
so flat, and so very angry, but sounding angry
and defensive is better
than sounding aching and raw. Can’t keep
looking at him. Can’t keep it
within if I do.
"Rowen, I’m sorry. That was not necessary."
What? An apology was not precisely what
I expected. He’s no longer
staring at me so intently. It’s almost
as if he’s… unsure of himself.
You’re being stupid again, Rowen. Think!
You know him. You’re as
close to him as he ever allows anyone.
Sarcasm is one of his defense
mechanisms. If he’s reverting to it, then
he must feel more off balance
than he appears. So, why? Could he
have possibly been rattled by that
kiss? No, there was no mistaking his lack
of response. Can’t allow
what I so desperately desire to cloud my senses.
Don’t know why, but I
can accept his apology, and offer my own.
"It’s all right, Sage, and
I’m sorry as well. I didn’t mean to snap."
But regardless, let’s get
this over with already. "What is it you
need to talk about that can’t
wait ‘til morning?"
"Rowen, I need to know why you left Ryo’s room like that."
Why? He can’t be serious, can he?
He is. Hell, he’s looking at me
again. Like he really *doesn’t* have any
idea. Does he realize how
that wide-eyed look tears at me? How can
he *not* know why I ran? "I
told you, Sage. I didn’t feel so well all
of a sudden."
"I’m not buying the ‘I feel sick’ bit, Rowen."
Oh, this has got to be some sick joke! He’s
not buying it? I believe
‘sick’ is a perfectly adequate way of describing
how I felt after that
kiss. Stick with the story. If he
doesn’t already know why I left,
there’s no need to enlighten him. Hearing
the truth would drive him
impossibly far from me. "Whatever, Sage."
"Rowen… All right, then *why* did you suddenly
feel so sick? It
couldn’t have been too much to drink. You
didn’t have all that much
tonight."
Like you ever took your eyes off Mika long enough
to notice? Ah, Rowen,
you’re not being fair again. Spite won’t
help anything, and he really
does seem concerned. His voice got so quiet.
Is he reading more from
me than I want him to? Even if he is, I
don’t care anymore. Why don’t
you know, Sage? We wouldn’t be having this
conversation if you had a
clue.
Can’t do this anymore. Can feel the prickle
of tears. This has got to
end before I lose more than I already have.
"Fine, Sage. I didn’t feel
good, and you can pick whatever explanation for
my sudden illness that
will make you happy since you won’t believe me.
Are we finished? I’m
really tired. Can we just go to bed now?"
"Well… yes."
**********************
To be continued...
Are you all surprised?
*ducks deluge of thrown objects* I'm sorry, but
we wouldn't want to lower the
tension level just yet, now would we? If
it's any consolation, I've got
a rough draft of part 7 sitting on my
hard drive. I'm not making
any promises (since we all know how slow I
am ^^), but it's in better shape
than this part was...
Ladyglen
