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Standard disclaimer: Nothing
concerning the Ronin Warriors or YST
belongs to me, though I wish
I could claim some of them. The only
character in this story that
does belong to me is Mika... yep, she
managed to be mentioned again
in this part. The rest of the characters
may not belong to me, but the
idea for this story does.
Enjoy! I'd love to hear
what you think of it (unsubtle hint... ^_^)
Can’t do this anymore. Can feel the prickle
of tears. This has got to
end before I lose more than I already have.
"Fine, Sage. I didn’t feel
good, and you can pick whatever explanation for
my sudden illness that
will make you happy since you won’t believe me.
Are we finished? I’m
really tired. Can we just go to bed now?"
"Well… yes."
***********************
Y-, y-, yes? Oh, dear lord, yes, what?
What the hell does he mean? He
sounded… Could Sage have meant that the
way it sounded? Yeah right!
Get a grip, Rowen, and ‘Jingle Bells’ is Hell’s
new theme song too!
But-, but his voice is so steady. His eyes
are so wide again, so
serious, are holding me, are wanting… me?
Impossible! He can’t want me! That
would run contrary to everything
I’ve ever believed of Sage, everything I’ve ever
observed. All I’m
doing is projecting my desire onto him.
Dear lord, I didn’t think this
could become more of an ordeal. Should’ve
learned by now that things
can *always* get worse. Should’ve just
stayed beneath the blankets!
But… What if? What if I’m wrong?
He’s been trying to get at something
since he got here. Wish I knew just what
was going on in that mind of
his. I may regret this, but I need more
to go on…
"Wha-" Oh, nice croak, Rowen, can anyone
say frog? Let’s try that
again. "Sage, what did you just say?"
"I said… yes."
"Oh." All right, now it’s been well established
that he said yes. Care
to elaborate, Sage?
I feel like I’m traipsing on thin ice, or like
I’m a donkey and Sage is
the carrot that’s dangling in front of me.
Am I stupid enough to reach
for the carrot? Yes, I am. I may
be a world class idiot, but I have to
know. "Sage. Just what exactly do
you mean by yes?"
Oh, now that’s just wonderful. Does that
expression mean he’s confused,
that he’s uncomfortable, that he’s having trouble
expressing what he
means, or that tonight’s dinner has given him
indigestion? Heh, maybe
it’s just that he’s finally come down with Mika-itis.
Whoa, mental slap
time. The last thing I need to be thinking
of right now is the viper.
That hair of his makes such an effective shield.
Gold covers both eyes
now that he’s looked down. Still no answer.
He’s such a mass of
contradictions. The way he’s acting now
is a complete reversal from the
way he looked, the way he sounded, before.
Damn it all, if *he* doesn’t
know what he means, then what the hell am *I*
supposed to think?
I’m sorry, Sage, but I’ve got to keep pushing.
I need to find some sort
of balance. I can’t let this go.
"Sage, I need to know what you mean.
Yes, we’re finished and can go to sleep now,
or yes, let’s go to bed.
Together." Be very careful, Sage.
Please, be sure of what you want and
why you want it. I feel so raw. I
have no defenses left, and I’m not
sure I can absorb a direct hit. Don’t you
know a flawed gem will
shatter if struck the wrong way?
Well, I’ve got his attention again, though I can’t
say I care for his
expression… or lack thereof. His eyes are
frozen, the pale sheen of
ice. His lips are parted, like he’s about
to speak, yet no sound is
forthcoming.
Why did I push when I knew I’d regret it?
He can’t even hold my gaze.
So, that’s how it’s going to be. I concede
the victory to you, Sage.
You needn’t say a word. Perhaps it’ll still
be possible for us to be
friends when we wake up in the morning.
Good night, my…
"Yes, let’s you and I go to bed. Together."
‘Scuse me? Together… He mumbled that
into his chest, but I know I
heard him say ‘together’. I-, I don’t know
what to believe anymore.
Please, stop the rollercoaster, I want to get
off!
"Rowen. I want to make love to you."
Trapped. Caught in that pale gaze.
Frozen like a rabbit mesmerized by
the lights of an oncoming car. Oblivious
until the car strikes and
kills it. *Why*? There’s no rational
explanation! Why is he doing
this? *How* can he do this? "Sage…
why? Just where the *hell* are
you coming from?"
"Rowen, that kiss. I saw-,"
What the hell *is* this, pity? Damn him!
And he has the gall to call
himself my friend? Wasn’t humiliating me
enough? I do *not* need this
from him!
Let the anger loose, Rowen. It’s the safe
route, and about all I’ve got
left that’s capable of holding me together.
"Just what kiss are we
talking about, Sage? The dare? The
one that was just part of some
idiotic game? The one that you didn’t participate
in? The one where
you showed all the animation of a damned *blow-up*
doll? That kiss? Is
that the one?"
"Rowen, no! Yes! It wasn’t like that. I-,"
"You were wooden, Sage. You were stiff as
a board. You barely opened
your mouth, and you *didn’t* move your damned
tongue! It may have only
been a game, but I got the distinct impression
that so-called kiss
either completely weirded you out or seriously
disgusted you! In any
case, it in no way led me to believe that you
have *any* interest in me
*whatsoever*. Now, you turn around and
say you wanna go fuck like
bunnies? You must think very highly of
yourself, Sage, or very little
of me if you think I’m just going to roll over
for you, just like that,
no matter *how* I feel about you! No, I
don’t want this to ruin our
friendship, but I do *not* need you to offer
to sleep with me out of
some misguided sense of pity!"
Dear lord, what the hell’s wrong with him now?
Why are his eyes bugging
out like that? He wasn’t expecting this.
He’s off-balance, treading
unfamiliar ground, and downright flustered, yet
I don’t have it in me to
show him mercy. Not just yet. He
doesn’t deserve it!
C’mon Sage, you can do it. Work that mouth.
Let’s see what you have to
say now!
"Rowen… calm down, okay? We’re in
a hotel, remember? Please, sit
down."
Sit… down? I’m… standing. On the bed.
In nothing but my…
Ohgodohgodohgod! Covers! Need the
covers! Where’s the Dynasty goons
when you need ‘em? Death has got to be
better than this!
"Um… I like your choice in underwear, Rowen."
Smug bastard! So much for being off balance.
I can *hear* the smirk in
his voice!
"Rowen, come out of there again. Please?"
Nopenopenopenope! Don’t care if he thinks
I’m hiding. Think I’ve been
humiliated enough for one night. Staying
right where I am. Maybe it’s
possible to will one’s self dead.
"Rowen, it’s all right. They’re nice underwear."
Nice? On the other hand, maybe it’s possible
to will *him* dead! Can
looks really kill? Don’t know, but if it
means coming out from under
the covers, guess I’ll never find out.
"Drop it, Sage. It’s just
underwear. That’s not-,"
"But you’re wearing a thong."
"Yeah? We were-,"
"It’s a shiny, satin thong."
"So? Sage, we-,"
"It’s a shiny, *green*, satin thong."
"Sage! Will you forget-,"
"The thong matches your emerald earring rather nicely."
Oooookay! I have *had* it! Guess I
*will* find out if looks can really
kill! "So what, Sage? I *like* green.
Is that suddenly a crime? What
the *hell* is wrong with green?"
"Absolutely nothing."
Da da da da, Da da da da. You’ve entered
another dimension. A
dimension of sight, a dimension of sound…
"I’m sensing Twilight Zone
overtones here, Sage. Will you just forget
about my choice of
underwear!? I’m not torturing myself for
the sake of my underwear! We
were discussing why you out of the blue want
to go to bed with me after
proving beyond doubt that you were definitely
*not* interested!"
"It was a mistake, Rowen. The way I acted,
or didn’t act. It was all a
mistake."
Calm. Need to calm. Deep breath.
I’ll never find out what is going on
in his head if I keep screaming at him.
Cross legs, make sure the
damned underwear is covered by the blanket, fold
hands in lap and sit
back. I’m relaxed… I’m relaxed…
Sage isn’t. He’s incredibly tense.
He looks like a little kid, sitting
cross-legged on the bed, twisting his fingers
together like that. He’s
lost any semblance of self-assurance. If
he were looking at me, for the
first time I think his eyes would allow me to
see into his soul.
"You’re confusing the hell out of me, Sage."
"This is very hard, Rowen, but, please, just hear me out."
Hear him out. I can do that, but I can’t
trust my voice to answer him.
He glanced up again long enough to catch my nod,
but that glimpse of his
face isn’t enough to clue me in.
"Rowen, have you ever wanted to bare your soul
to another person? Have
you ever been tempted to lower every defense
that you have and let that
person in?"
Still can’t trust my voice, but he’s definitely
not looking up. A
whisper will have to do. "Yes."
"So have I. For a very long time now."
"So, why-,"
"I never expected our friendship to turn into
desire. I don’t really
know when it happened, why it happened, or even
how it happened. All I
know is that it did. I found I wanted you,
Rowen. I wanted you body
and soul, and what’s more, I found I wanted you
to want *me* body and
soul as well."
"Sage, I-,"
"Do you know how that realization made me feel?
It wasn’t the fact that
the person I desired was male that bothered me,
it was that I could feel
that way in the first place. I never expected
it to happen with anyone,
let alone you."
"Sage-," He’s not going to let me get a
word in edgewise, is he? He
still won’t look at me, but his voice, it’s so
intense, and his hands,
those slender fingers are clenched into fists
now. It’s almost as if
he’s compelled to speak.
"I’ve never allowed myself to be touched, Rowen.
Not this deeply. I
could not reconcile the emotions you evoked in
me, so I did not act."
"Didn’t act for so long?"
"No. To my shame, I didn’t know how."
"Ah, Sage. To my shame, I knew how, but
I held back for fear of losing
your friendship."
"I feared the death of friendships as well, Rowen.
We’ve all been
through so much together, too much to risk callously.
It was so easy to
ignore the conflict within myself, so easy to
just continue and never
take that risk, so when Sai dared you to kiss
me, it was ridiculously
easy-"
"To control your response." I understand.
Finally. God, his eyes!
The ice has thawed. Never thought pale
blue could contain such flames.
"Exactly, but the look on your face just before
you left made me realize
how wrong that was, and how stupid and cowardly
I’ve been."
"So where does this leave us, Sage?" My
mouth is so dry I can barely
force the whisper. I feel as if I’m teetering
on the edge of a
precipice.
"It leaves me desperately hoping that I’m not
mistaken in believing that
you can want me as I want you. It leaves
me praying that you can forget
that stupid game, and allow us to start over,
allow me to kiss you the
way I want and the way you deserve."
Oh, dear lord. This is Sage? Might
feel as if I’m still in the
Twilight Zone, but I think I can forget about
the precipice. I think
he’d be there to catch me even if I did fall
over the edge. This really
*is* happening. He is offering all that
I could ever desire. All I
have to do is reach out for it. "Sage-,"
"Rowen, truth or dare?"
"Huh?" Oh, real intelligent. Just
when I think I’m no longer confused,
he goes off on a tangent.
"Work with me here. Truth or dare?"
Truth or… "Dare?" I’m *not* following you, Sage.
"I dare you to kiss me, with tongue, for at least five minutes."
He’s daring me? Again? Does he really
think that I need to be dared?
"No…" Hell, did I say that aloud?
I did. I can see the shutters
falling. "Sage, no, not on a dare."
I can touch him! Just place my
fingers beneath his chin to keep him from looking
down. I never thought
so simple a thing could make me so happy!
"I don’t need a dare."
Such a soft smile. So wonderful a gift to
be graced with, but not
nearly so wonderful as the gift of his… touch.
Ah, god, I *can* feel
each callous against my cheek. As exquisitely
rough as his lips are
soft. Even more than before, his taste
is intoxicating. Spicy…
Sweet… It’s indescribable. He tastes…
He tastes of forever.
To be continued... ?
I've been told that this would
make a decent conclusion to this story,
so I could end it here.
What do you all think? Should I go on? Are
you all getting tired of it?
Let me know what you think. There are
always more ways I can torture
the boys if you all want me to
continue... *grin*
Ladyglen
--
