My
Submissive/slave in me 
Is it abuse?
Abuse Links
BDSM  vs. Abuse
BDSM ABUSE
In a BDSM relationship starts with a friendship, love and concern.  You care for each others happiness. All involved will feel good and will be happy no one is sorry. 
In an abusive relationship someone is always sorry, someone is always hurt. The only happiness is that of the abuser - the abuser cares about their own happiness, and the victim is most concerend with keeping the abuser happy to avoid more / worse abuse.
BDSM is Consensual
The abuser isn't concerned with having permission they just do what ever they desire.
Submission is a gift that is given to the Dominate. They choose to obey, to give up control and keep choosing from moment to moment; day to day. The choice can be taken back at any time. 
When the submission is taken / forced it becomes abuse. It is no longer submission and the individual becomes a vitim. In an abusive situation there is no choice you obey to keep peace and in hope not to get hurt worst.
The Dominate creates a desire to serve out of love - they don't want the submissive to fear them. They are respectfull, polite, caring, giving and kind. 
An abuser forces the submission though fear and degrading an individual so they can feel strong and important. Demanding the submission one becomese a victim not a sub.

You are partners working as a team careing very much about the others happiness and well being		 The abuser isn't concerned about how the other feels or their well being.

BDSM is controlled - Negotiations are done to assure all involved are comfortable with what will be happening and there are no fears.		 Abuse is out of control no one knows what will happen. There is no shared plans the abuser makes the decisions without any negotiations. 
Limits are set to assure that it doesn't go any future then is safe. No limits are set to take the considerations of what the victim wants or values.

The Dom is very careful to make sure the sub feels safe and happy, and keeps them feeling that way.  The Dom takes the responsibility on to assure the hapieness and saftey of a sub. 		 An abuser is neither.

Safe words/colors are chosen to stop the scene or let the individual know it is getting close to being to much.		 No safety net at all, the abuser is feeding of the fear to control the victim - they don't care if it pushes to far. The abuser is the only one that choses when it is enough the victim has no choice.
Precautions are taken so there are no injury physically or mentally. In an Abusive situation the victim someone is hurt either physically or mentally.
Most individuals involved in BDSM will enter a scene with out alcohol/drugs to impair their judgment. An abuser isn't concerned if judgement is impared by drugs or alcohol. 
The submisisve is responsible for her own happiness in life, but during a scene, the responsibility is the Dom's. The Dom teaches the sub to be strong.
If humiliation is involved in a BDSM relationship it is done out of pride - they are proud to show the sub off in public, proud they are their slut. The sub wont feel bad about the words and/or actions they will make the sub blush but they are excited and pleased.  In an abusive relationship the humiliation is done in a degrading manner to make some one feel worthless so the Abuser can be the number One in the relationship - they will insult the looks, the way things are performed or do something in public not for pleasure but to show they are in control. The words or actions hurt.
BDSM Safety Colors
GO
CAUTION
STOP

I have taken many paths in my life, three of them leading to abusive husbands. Some will say it was very similar to BDSM, but its not.  With BDSM I have a choice. Individuals involved talk about all that happens as partners in life. As a abused child I had no choice I was born into it. With an abusive husband we weren't partners I had no say he had the control though fear and making me feel worthless. 

There can be a fine line sometimes between abuse and BDSM. Always remember that a  D/s relationship is very loving, giving, and intense. At any time there is a question you need to stop and talk about it before going any further. 

As a submissive women it is my choice to allow my Master to guide me - Dominate me. To Dominate is to teach. My Master will help me to grow stronger and assist me to go beyond my limits with no fears.  This  is not a step that happens over night like many seem to believe.  You first start with a friendship and develops from there to the point when the gift of submission and the Master gives to you his gift of Dominance.

In an abusive situation, the right to choose is taken from you. You are given pain, and receive nothing in return. It is not a pleasure pain. A Master will give you the protection you never received, the proper discipline you never had, the love and caring you never knew. He helps you to go beyond your fears and limits safely. 

For an abused individual trust can be a major issue. Sometimes they are hesitant, and what may have been okay last week might not be this week. There may be times when "flashbacks"  from the abuse occur during a scene - this should automatically stop a scene taking time to discuss it, allowing the Master make the right choice, which may mean counseling, or not completing the scene, or simply taking things slower.  But the trust has to fall back on the person you have chosen to guide you and help you get past some of your limits to grow stronger. The Master has to assure that if the choice is to go on it is done safely. 

The intensity, the high, the edge are familiar places to an individual who has been abused. A BDSM relationship can offer this in a safe environment. I think everyone will agree that we feel more comfortable in spaces we're familiar with and we can achieve allot more. With an abused individual sometimes it seems that if the drama isn't there then something is wrong.  This is something a Master will help a submissive with and show them how to enjoy life in all stages with and with out all the drama and tragedies. 

When you're on the edge, the rush you feel is hard to describe. You are so focused on the one thing that has made your heart race. You feel so high - there is nothing you can't do.  Every sensation and senses in you body are at the height of being. Each breath that you take is so exhilarating. Things you thought were impossible you know can reach and go beyond. 

The best way that I can explain this is:

You come onto an accident and see an injured person, with no one else around to help. You're the only one who can save them, and without your help they'll die. You look inside yourself: the adrenaline is rushing, the heart is racing, your skin tingles, your mind is taken over by one thing.  That one thing is all you're aware of. You find it deep inside you to help this person survive. You have given yourself totally to saving this persons life. You reach deep inside facing all your fears, and go beyond what you normally could. When it's over, you find pleasure and satisfaction in the job you did. You are in a relaxed state that is so breathtaking. There is an extreme satisfaction in what you have accomplished.

An abused individual lives this rush every day, but in a negative way. Never knowing when the next explosive is to go off. Always walking along that edge, waiting. After the rush it isn't a relaxing moment of satisfaction but one of relief it is over. Before you can catch your breath it starts all over again - constantly living on the edge feeling the rush. 

When the rush isn't there and things are running smoothly, you try to figure out ... now what's wrong ... not knowing how to act or what to do, for this is not a normal situation. So you look for trouble where there is none. That is the need to be on the edge ... to experience life on a high and not be able to relax till you have reached that point.  And then always looking for the new sensation. A BDSM Relationship can help you feel this rush safely. 

Contents
 

 
My
Submissive/slave in me 
Is it abuse?
Abuse Links