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One doesn't have to be into Bondage or Sadomasochism to be involved in Dominance and submission.  The same would apply for Sadomasochism ... you don't have to be a Dom/sub to Be Sadist/masochist/

BDSM is is not an excuse to beat up on an individual, or mindlessly humiliate them.  The word submissive is to submit (to give up or yield (oneself) to the power, will, or authority of another) not to be a door mat. It is also not a place to look for an individual you can fight with so they can force you to do their will.   There is nothing wrong with begin braty/fiesty, but Dom's have limits also the a submissive should respect and not push beyond them.  The relationship should be negotiated, arrangements made to meet the psychological, sexual, and social needs of all participants.

The common mistake many make is their safety. No mater what that must come first!  If your partner isn't interested in that then they are not worth it. LOOSE THEM FAST!  It is their loss not yours.  Take time to know who you are dealing with. Meet in a public environment, use safe words when in a scene.

Safe words are words that the individuals involved chose to signify caution or stop.  Commonly recognized are colors such as red for stop and yellow for caution. Also used are safe signals which could be a movement or the draping of a item such as a colored rag. The safeword / signal can be anything that is agreed upon by all that are involved. It should be simple and memorable.  Be sure to chose something that is  unlikely to come up in the normal course of the scene.

*Talk to the individual before on likes dislikes expectations fears what they have done in the past etc Use a checklist to help you out.
*Chose a Safe word and if bondage use colored cloths or balls in the hand to drop for caution and or stop.
*Know who you are dealing with. Ask for references, check them out with others that may know them personally
*Have some one to check in with that always knows what your plans are and what to do if they don't hear from you.  It is good to have  a back up plan too in case of  emergency.
*Don't meet at a hotel for the first meeting. Treat your first meeting as a first date. If you were planing a vanilla date it would most likely be a dinner and movie first or a club.  You normally don't bring them home till you know them and you don't have your first date in a hotel room.
*Know your surroundings and how to get out if needed.
*Realize no mater how much you know a person on a phone/IRC you never truly know them till you have met them a few times face to face
*This isn't IRC or a game it is reality and most of all use common sense if it doesn't feel right GET OUT or don't even go.
*You can't submit if you don't trust!

Limits are the boundaries or restrictions in which an individual is not willing to go beyond. They can be physical, mental, emotional or something an individual just isn't ready for yet ... no mater what form they are it is important to respect them all. At any time an individual is PUSHED beyond their limits the consent no longer exist and it becomes abuse or unlawful in some cases.

Limits are very important to both the Dom and submissive.  Many times we speak of  the limits a submissive has, but Masters also have limits and it is not advisable to push either past them. It is a hard point to decide if a Dom is pushing a submissive to far in the thought of teaching them or if they are not hearing the submissive's limits. This is why an open line of communication is important and safe words/actions. A good Dom will not take a sub where they are not ready to go nor will a good submissive push the Dom to far with her bratty and feistiness.

When first starting in BDSM it is hard to know your limits.  Research will help you to discover some and others you will learn as you scene.  As you grow in BDSM your limits will also change, but never allow anyone to force you beyond what you have set.

(definition) 1.) a state of servitude or slavery to another.  2.) the state of being held in control by external forces:

Bondage is the restriction of an individuals bodily movement for erotic pleasure. There are many techniques and is not restricted to only ropes or cuffs.  Other means may be chains or straight jackets, breast bondage, rope panties, manacles, wrapping, mummification, blindfolds, hoods, suspension .... etc.
 

(definition as a noun) 1.) training of the body or mind according to rules or regulations.  2.) behavior governed by rules. 3.) an area of study or learning: 4.) punishment for the sake of training or correction. (definition as a transitive verb) 1.) to train in accordance with rules and regulations. 2.) to punish for the sake of training or correcting: 3.) to cause to be orderly and regular:

Discipline is the training of the submissive to the Dom's ways/rules. To help Discipline/train the submissive punishments are given for an undesirable action of a sub and the submissive is rewarded for behavior that is desirable. Punishment should never be done in anger and does not have to be painful or humiliating. It can be done by removing privileges; such as not being to watch a favorite TV show, sleeping on the floor,  a favorite activity being taken form the sub. Rewards can be as simple as a stroke to the cheek, a loving word or being allowed to do something they have been restricted from.

BDSM	Safety / Safe Words	Limits
Bondage	Discipline	Dominance
Submission	Sadism and  Masochism	Symbols / Colors

The definition is derived from the word  dominant. As a adjective 1. ruling or controlling. 2. highly visible or commanding. 3. primary; main.  Dominance is used as the noun noun 1. the state of being dominant. 2. control; authority.

Being a Dom is not just about giving orders. A Dom, is the protector, teacher, and lover to the sub. A Dom punishes the sub when wrong, holds them when they are sad, comforts them when sick and rewards them for the pleasures they give. A good Dom will not force the sub to want to please them but find a way to encourage the sub to have the desire to please them. Some will say that there is a difference between a Dom and a Master.  This thought would be derived from the idea a Dom will take control mainly in the bedroom in the sexual play allowing the sub to still maintain control in her personal life.  Where a Master will in many cases will be given control of  the submissive's intire life both in and out of the bedroom. It is my thought that you can not be a Master with out first being a friend ... then a Dom ... then when the trust builds you become a Master to your submissive who then becomes your slave. The submission that the sub offers is a gift.  A gift can not be taken and like all fine gifts if it is not cared for properly it will lose its' beauty.

BDSM	Safety / Safe Words	Limits
Bondage	Discipline	Dominance
Submission	Sadism and  Masochism	Symbols / Colors

The definition is derived from the word submit (as a transitive verb) 1. to give up or yield (oneself) to the power, will, or authority of another.  2. to subject to a process or treatment. (as an intransitive verb) 1. to cede to the authority or will of another. 2. to defer to the opinion or viewpoints of others. 3. to allow oneself to be the subject of some process or treatment. Submission is used as the noun 1. the act or an instance of submitting. 2. the quality or condition of being submissive; unresisting or humbly obedient behavior; meekness.

Being a sub is not as simple as following the Dom's orders. The submissive's role is to please the Dom but also be their companion, student, and their lover.   There is a  difference between a submissive and a slave.  A submissive desire to be dominated in sexual way only, and to be free to make their own decisions in all other areas of  their life. A slave desires total ownership, and wishes all things to be decided for them - sexually and otherwise.  In a D/s relationship one will tend to start as a sub and when they learn to trust the Dom become a slave to them. Submission is a gift, this means that it can not be demanded and must be offered.  It is some beliefs that the Dom is not the one to offer the collar but the submissive/slave holds out the leach for their acceptance of  the gift of submission they offer.

BDSM	Safety / Safe Words	Limits
Bondage	Discipline	Dominance
Submission	Sadism and  Masochism	Symbols / Colors

Sadism - (definition as a noun) 1. a psychiatric disorder in which sexual pleasure is derived from inflicting pain or humiliation, or from watching suffering. 2. extreme or depraved cruelty.

Sade, Marquis de - Donatien Alphonse François, Comte de Sade (1740-1817), French philosopher, novelist and revolutionary whose novels, such as Les 120 Journées de Sodome (The 120 Days of Sodom, 1785 -- see Sade 1966), Justine and Juliette, are as much social satire and philosophical parable as they are provocative portrayals of sexual violence and degradation. Immortalized when psychologist Krafft-Ebing named the 'disorder' of sadism after him.

Masochism - (definition as a noun) 1. a condition in which one derives sexual arousal or satisfaction from one's own pain, humiliation, or other suffering imposed by oneself or by others. 2. an act or instance of, or preference for, deriving pleasure from being subjected
to pain, humiliation, domination, or the like.

Sacher-Masoch, Leopold von - (1836-1895) Aristrocratic Austrian Romantic novelist whose semi autobiographical Venus im Pelz (Venus in Furs, 1869 -- see Sacher-Masoch 1980) is an influential early account of a mistress-slave relationship. Immortalized when psychologist Krafft-Ebing named the 'disorder' of masochism after him.

Sadomasochism -the deriving of pleasure, esp. of sexual gratification, from either inflicting pain or suffering pain, or both. Freud first blended the pair of terms into sadomasochism, emphasizing the potential reciprocity of the use of pain in sexual encounters but obliterating the distinction between what we might call the sensual side of S/m and the psychological, dom-sub side.

Surveys have listed S/m behavior by as much as 7 to 14 % of the population, with interests at up to 50% of the population. Individuals  involved in S/m find it very erotic and gives them a chance to explore some of their fantasies. It is not a new trend, S/m has been around many years being reformed by many religions and cultures. Early Christian mystics used it, Native Americans, Fakirs from India also.

The exchange of power given in S/m is not something that is not done lightly. To even participate in S/m you need to development good relationship skills. The key word here is EXCHANGE of power.  S/m does not give a Dom/Sadist the power to do as they wish.   Ultimately the sub/masochist has the final say. S/m is not all that dangerous but their are some risk and trust and communication with your partner  should always be taken into consideration. When involved with S/m activities those involved should know what they are doing.  Safety is very important in this aspect of  BDSM. The use of "safe" words or in case of gag's colored rags to be dropped that will stop the action.
 

BDSM	Safety / Safe Words	Limits
Bondage	Discipline	Dominance
Submission	Sadism and  Masochism	Symbols / Colors

The BDSM Emblem

The design is by Steve Quagmyr, who explains: 'We wanted something that BDSMers could wear discreetly to recognize each other, but which would look like nothing more than an interesting pin to outsiders. It had to be something that hadn't been, and wasn't likely to be, coopted by teens, bikers, or heavy metal fans, that was subtle and discreet enough so that it could be worn in a vanilla environment without raising eyebrows or questions, but was distinctive enough to be recognized by those "in the know". It was inspired by, but different from, the symbol described in The Story of O [Réage 1966]. The resemblance to a sort of three-part version of the Yin & Yang symbol struck us as a plus; it is also a variation on the Chaos Wheel.' The tripartite design can be interpreted as the division and mutual interdependence of BD, DS and SM; Safe, Sane and Consensual; and Tops, Bottoms and Switches. The curved lines could suggest a whip in motion, and the circular shape oneness and the protection of the community. The colors may vary but the circle and the dividing curves are supposed to be metallic. Quagmyr retains copyright on the design, though encourages community and not-for-profit groups to use it freely. See also The Emblem page.

The BDSM Pride Flag

This is a symbol for the BDSM community which is a marriage between the "Leather Pride Flag" by artist Tony DeBlase and the "BDSM Symbol" by Quagmyr. This flag encompasses those who are into BDSM, leather, Levi's, sado-masochism, bondage and domination, uniform, cowboys, rubber, and other fetishes. The rainbow heart shows the bond between the gay and straight BDSM community. The logo at the heart's core, has a wide range of meanings, and it's placement, on the flag, is significant of the unity between all sexualities.
The three divisions represent the varying threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Next, the BDSM creed of behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Third, the divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.

The Leather Pride Flag

Leather Pride

Leather Pride Rainbow

This is a symbol for the leather community, which encompasses those who are into leather, Levi's, sado-masochism, bondage and domination, uniform, cowboys, rubber, and other fetishes. The flag was created by artist Tony DeBlase and first displayed on May 28, 1989, at the Mr. Leather contest in Chicago. Although the flag is often common in the gay community, it is not a "gay-only" symbol.

 Reportedly, gay leather aficionados might also modify a rainbow flag to have a black stripe instead of a violet one. (However, this version might be confused with the "Victory Over AIDS" version of the rainbow flag, as they are identical.)

Some of the colors are so well known that their names are used in contact ads or even in speech as codewords for the activity concerned: this is particularly the case for red, yellow and brown. Someone might say 'I'm into yellow' rather than 'I'm into piss' or 'watersports'.

The Hanky Code

This is a traditional form of signaling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are. Gay men used this code to communicate with each other in the noisy and distracting environment of gay bars. Although not as widely used these days, it is still a worthwhile resource and is, among those who know, a great conversation starter.