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THE QUEST FOR THE COSMIC MAMMIJAZZM, DISK VI: The Mycelaen Heroes in the First Toryan War
This may originally have been a cattle raid one tribe made on the other. Storytellers over the centuries couldn't resist embellishing it, though, until it appeared in its present form. VI. The Wyrrd Betwine the Frees and the Stucks From Lin Baeder 'twas they first heard tailly of the GMC, the Giant Monolithic Computer from Jupiter witch came to Earth so long agoon and self- subsumed right under the spot where Mumpfish Snake U now lay. Its tenternacles (both physical and meta-) sputtlering fear and wyrd beneath the college, menandering evoen past school bardos to fodder retches the wasterwarfs, the gasworbs, the kirkeon deribber, City Howl and the well-fed Bill Dang. Then, for the first time in this three-dame mansion hellplain, came the Terror, and it no longer mathered whether they tripped or flipped or simply lay ripped, for the monadmist was everywiss as strange as Holyward Ennyday. Pizarre vices whuppt up from the utterworld. And that, as all good schizniks knew, was the work of the Giant Monolithic Computer. They had to keep their starry yods up real rowd to druid them out! But harp there was or so said Lin Baeder for the GMC had enemies, chimp ions of the Whoman ilk, namely himself, Wight E., the Phantom Light Fucker, and the Jyynt Armadillo, along with some unnamely Gentry. Which side would they join, the two freebreeders, the faunaflur and faerwine brooders? "You'll know them," Lin said, "by the jingos they swing. But hist! Ere ye say the witch, for Hebe wise who recalls what lists from yon ditch and the eyes that have walls!" cautioned Master Baeder. So Fleebus and Pye wussly sealed their lips then nodded a gnosting gnod, with looks in their eyes that said "YUP!"'s, and verbosely eyed the sod. Then, late one Elfhellos Eve they set out, drooging along their shiitekicks Eli O'Reilly and the Bear, dropped El Lucid and treep-tripped out to the kirkeon derubber, Slipping through the twirlight zane, they pearced the vale and scoped the plain, indiskies of Doc Ness, following the pentangels strewn about the grounded being, kotchin dem dere, dose glittery fritteries, a whole zigsaxful in their packets, shavings for a ruiny day. "Twat beet there, that kernel krater?" Pye asked his fernal brater. "See, Faering Pye, the Armadillo's bedtub, there the warmfirm, there the gasworms, there the Trama d'Rude, and there be the widgite what proofs it all, the splay of lights funned by the phanter!" And there in a klandron, klatching plas, found they the stairs luding doon into Tenebras, that dimed platts, and held their torches high in the dursk to read the writhing on the warb: "Right wing to fool them all, right wing to grind them, Right sting to wring them all, to sign them and cosine them." And they said, just like Thurber's handyman, "Yah, dots wrecks! Is be. No mote asked or gibbon! For Lady Jiabolo and bonnie G'bonne Country!" Even the shambling shadows and skittering zoogs moved away from them when they heard such snitter-snatter. Then clomb they up from the dim into the dark, and spread the ward to all they 'fooned in No Oos Park, till soon they had onto themsills a voidacious imagery eromie of frees randy to stuff the GMC back into its spay ship and send it parking ham to whatever pit it creuled fromows. They haltard Arien invisions by the Kykeon the Reiver, defiated the Arysian invoiders at the Missus Hippy Rainbougher Breach, daftly dodging althusian death gins and baroomian hate tray; sent the Aresian machines doom to Raveye Joan's Loggerhead with a boilschmit on a pithdray like gran galloons, then danced the Engel Dance haller rite lawn in cerebranion of the vicetory. "On to the Onestone!" they bawled, "Leave us baroque his bairns and bather his beckhires with brood! Into the britch and lathe him saur, a bladdered scrimp! Remember Poictesme!" And inward they larged over chili, arka delhi, Ledas split the rookyfelly, flew they to the Liber Tree, and up and up and ever up to the ebbscent thirteenth floor, there met with chicken ware and nodding more! Quoit Hindi Pindi, "Gaia, I'm Thor!" Trawling om along the dusky rood under the washtowyr eyes of the bantam tyrant insecurity goads, they grimbawled on back to the Whylands Trip, whey air there gandered the bracken airoamy at Whale in the Well Cafe, there to cloy and sop, deranging their sore rose in beer and schlop. Och, but not long had they to gingus lay! Fair soon they heard the tromp-tramp tromp of hobcob shoon eisenstompen down the sidewelt, and stramblin out into the street, they sawyer Crapwell's men, raw on rue, stank and vile, swinging knachtstooks big as barqueroods, and knew they were in for a caining. "Klar ows! Klar ows!" bellyred the angrus puerkas. Then Flaunafoot and Carlbear tried to comflee, but when the racisbecks espied Carlbear's kaziak camelrod, they smote the brooders hip and thie. Mournwell Pye larked aboot heem, skwatsing his size in the blarred beerlight. Seeing the poorkine bulleyes klubbering all and sita (even the ying maidens and ineffectual beerstanders), Pye sproke and ran, dodging like a squatterbeg, and made his asscaper. Looking back through the rain, he saw Hoot Monday up on top of a black-and-white prowl car, raising a fine Celenite salute to Maimfist Finest. So upended the unfamous Howlin Strump Massacure. About that tame the onionheed fashionists began to shoot decentaurs at Can't Staat, and the friarbaiters dropped out of parlortrix altogander. They now concentrated their knowschtick reforces in the spritefull plane, where Porky and His Goongers durst not follow. Thus they tryveiled a day and rastad the nexus again and again for nearly three yearn or more, poising through many a strawnge and sunray londe: Maolow Bentangel, Burble Macrodash, Doubloony Dame, Perkle Maze, Starbrary Feels, Eleusian Flails, Orangutang Stunsheen, nethairyous Black Euclit, Myster Snatcherall Blather and Hornycorn Blowthor. They surveyed the Armadillo's Backrub, will to Well, vissioned Sin in the Sky, firsaw more lasses groined at Hades Hove, were strinded in Knucksville, blanded in Kookville, abanded in Trashville, and lauded in jail. Ah but that all be uther tales to be telled ellesweir. Yes, mine freudes, score thighself a copy of The Book of Mint-Scented Jewess Lips and lesen how they heard Captain Hudson and his men bowling a game of nonpins, whilst Neged dryads (deep in the bush) waifted out their names (the poe bohemies darsting not to follow, for fear of being put to sleep!), tripped over mating logs and dewy apologized, spoke with the whitebirdman of Allakazam, as whitebirds flew out of his chest and onto the canvas, heard Heartbeat Pigmeat for the fearst time, and so passed the severalties until the oddvaunt of Lilith. Notation of Cupro: Here endeth the Disk of Fleebus. Your Awe Gustness may read more of these two heroes in the Disk of the Great Schasm and the Disk of the Raggaedyrock. --Oxhideus Cupro, Royal Ward Precessor &&&
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