The story of Hans the Deep-Sea Diver is as follows.

To avoid mashing words, Hans the Deep-Sea Diver was an underwater treasure hunter, a Norwegian underwater treasure hunter, with a pirate complex. Over the years, Hans became unhealthily obsessed with the recovery of an old treasure chest and some very large, very valuable gold coins. A number of times, Hans had retrieved a number of the coins, and once, almost, the chest, but herein lay the problem: marine biologics.

Yes, sadly, the only thing that kept the usually successful diver from keeping those treasures, was, in fact, one hammerhead shark and a small octopus. Time after time, Hans was attacked by the shark and octopus, and, time after time, Hans failed in his self-appointed mission. It was around this time that Hans acquired his pirate complex, and understandably so. And so, after a pointless frontal lobotomy, Hans set forth on his last deep-sea dive ever.

Sadly, just as Hans had climbed out of the water, with the forever sought treasure box situated nearby on the dock, the octopus shot out its tentacles and pulled both Hans and the treasure chest into the water. After the octopus had managed to relocate the treasure box into its former indentation in the sand, it and the hammerhead shark gave Hans yet another thorough beating. Hans sustained fatal injuries, and was buried in his beloved sea the next day, and, to add insult to injury, was wrapped in a pink linen cloth. To add further insult, Hans’ body landed on the ocean floor in a glorious rush of water, with the treasure box and coins just out of reach.

Thus concludes the epic tale of Hans the Deep-Sea Diver, and some rather pleased fish.


The only thing more tragic than the story of Hans the Deep-Sea Diver was that Hans, the octopus, and hammerhead shark were rubber figurines belonging to a Wonder World set.


THE BEENIEN ODYSSEY and Hans out of Luck are all copyright of NeWT. This piece of material may not be used for any purpose what so ever without proper notification and permission by me. You may e-mail me to ask, though. For those of you who are wondering, THE BEENIEN ODYSSEY is a fictional story (idea is also copyrighted to me!) about a marine biologist and the days of the sudden appearence of her insane friend Adrienne, whom Beenie and her little sister Newt "adopt" and give her a couch to sleep on. Hans Out of Luck was a recording of a long moment of insanity in real life in which Adrienne, Beenie, and myself played around with the figurined in an unused Wonder World set belonging to me. Wonder World is also copyrighted to the Wonderworld People and I'm going to go ask when I'm having dinner, now, so please enjoy my story!