Life is funny. That's about all there is to it. People run around here and there, trying to be on time for everything, some people's feelings get hurt, some hurt those feelings, and others, like me, just sit and laugh at them. Yes, I admit it, I am one of those everyday Americans that just watch everyone and laugh while doing virtually nothing ourselves. Consequently, I like to think of myself as 30% lucky, 40% absurd, 10% clueless, and only 20% sadistic--but I do try…most of the time, anyway. However, despite the ongoing traffic of life, some days one starts to think that they have pretty normal lives, that this is nothing that is too tough to handle in the slightest.
That's right about when life checks her Rolex watch and decides it's about that time again: time to make a thrill out of you.
Sometimes people are lucky and just face the little quirks life throws at you; right now I am continually experiencing a tingling sensation on part of my scalp which feels very similar to something crawling around up there. But there is nothing there (at least I hope not), and I suspect it's probably just pieces of my hair settling into place after a long day of protruding above the rest of my head for no apparent reason--other than it wanted a nice view of my day. Of course, too many of these little annoyances can develop into a rather bad day, which is just baby pudding compared to what happened to my sister the other day while trying to board a plane back to college…
As it happens, my sister went through three different planes that day, the first two experiencing "mechanical difficulties" and being unable to fly at all and then being unable to start. We won't even go into the third plane, which did, by the way, get her home, though minus her luggage, which did not choose to join her until the next day. But our good friend Adrienne--who is also an amusing plaything life is greatly fond of using, and rather often, I might add--has very accurately observed that every time my sister tries to return from or go to her college, it always results in a classic and oft told edition of The Misadventures of Beenie (my sister's nickname being "Beenie" for reasons that would make this story much too long). Being that I'm constantly laughing at certain semi-minor misfortunes, I laughed for a good five minutes at this--and I still laugh when I see this--the M&M's® wrappers.
During the second try for a working plane on my sister's part, she was kind enough to buy me a package of Almond M&M's® in the airport vending machine. I was munching away and trying to wipe the chocolate off my face, as I always seem to get food on me somewhere, no matter what I'm eating, when I noticed a very amusing disclaimer on the back of my M&M's®. ("M&M"®, by the way, is an annoying word to have to type a lot.) I was immediately giddy with laughter. And what, might you ask, was this disclaimer that I found so amusing? That you will have to discover using your own brainpower and 65 cents in a candy machine…Okay, okay, I'll tell. The fact was, that, on every package of M&M's candies, including the baking chocolate, are the words "'M&M'S'® CANDIES MAY CONTAIN PEANUTS."
Now, whether or not little children and people of other ages with a sweet tooth realize, this disclaimer is a profound metaphor for life. Though this may seem odd to some, almost everything in the world can be used as a metaphor for life. I say this for this reason: I would be pretty darn mad if I were that special one in a million that found a peanut in my Almond M&M's®. Think about this. We all wanted a storybook life at some point in time when we were little, the "whole roasted almond", if you will. But as with most people's lives, that storybook happy ending comes equipped with a hard candy shell that you have to bite through to get to the almondy goodness (and if you don't like almonds, why are you buying almond M&M's® anyway?). But often, instead of getting an almond, we get a peanut, and it's like the old saying, when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. So when you get a peanut, you have two choices: make the best of it, or feed it to your dog. So although the M&M's/Mars company would have you thinking "MM means 2000", you are now far more enlightened by this narrative and know that it really means "When Life Hands You A Peanut, Do What George Washington Carver Did, And Make Peanut Butter!"
Sort of.
