You Know You're Obsessed with Redwall When...Continued



- Gyps the Vulture



- Antietam and Annelise of Pern


  • You think of soda as ale
  • You narrate your life
  • You can pronounce "Shavvakamalla" without thinking about it
  • You get mad when the fanfic page is down
  • When you see someone dressed as a silver fox, you tell them it's not good to be "Marmfloxes", and they should be Redwall warriors instead
  • You tell your cat not to be TOO hard on the woodlanders
  • When you see a big shadow under your boat, you tell the captain it's the Deepcoiler
  • When you fall off a boat, you start screaming, "Help me, you nincompoops, the pike are coming!"
  • You go to Foxes' Music Co. and tell them to change their name to Mice Music Co.
  • When your mom takes a hanging quilt off the wall, you ask her if Marlfoxes and water rats stole it
  • When your mom takes a hanging quilt off the wall, you look for rhymes beneath it
  • When you find an old blanket nobody wants, you put it on and tell people it's your wolf pelt
  • When your parents wake you up really early to go on vacation, you yawn and say, "Where's my palanquin? I must be surrounded by beauty!"
  • When your cat turns up her nose at her food, you tell her you'll make Goody Stickle give her better food
  • When you're stuck buying school food, you look at your tray and ask the lunch lady if they have any better scoff
  • When your teacher asks why you didn't finish your math homeowrk, you say, "Which is more important? Saving Mossflower from vermin, or doing pre-algebra?"
  • When you see a crow, you ask him what your future is
  • You get disappointed when the crow flies away
  • You stay away from pine groves
  • When you hear about Heaven's "pearly gates", you ask if they're pink
  • You learn every Redwall language you can
  • When you meet someone important, you say, "Manyahooday, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwmmm!"
  • If you see a cat killing a mole, you say, "Leave yon moler 'lone, Charmania!"
  • When you hear the song "I'll Make a Man Out of You", you wonder if that's how Clubrush felt
  • You went outside in a thunderstorm because you wanted a free sword
  • You found a sparrow on the lawn and trapped it under a basket, demanding to know whether King Bull Sparra still had Martin's sword
  • If you go to Britain, the first thing you do is go around asking where Redwall is
  • You get put in the mental institute because of it
  • You're in a forest and rats are bothering you, so you tell them to behave or you'll chop down their arboreal verdancy
  • If your mom hangs a quilt on the wall, you tell her it needs a picture of Martin
  • When you go to the doctor's office, you ask where Sela is
  • When the teacher asks when the Revolution was, you say, "A heck of a lot of seasons ago,"
  • You are asked to write an essay on whether you think the Yankees or the Rebels deserved to win, and you write, "The Rebels, because Tsarmina is a cruel tyrant."
  • You see a buck in the forest and you immediately change your middle name to 'Stag.'
  • You refuse to use the computer, and instead write everything on parchment with a quill pen
  • You lie awake all night wondering why Rose had to be cruelly slain
  • You think the Titanic went down because Guja wasn't steering
  • If someone says Martin is a dumb name, you pound them until they take it back
  • You go up to all your friends who don't read Redwall, and beg and plead on bended knees for them to do so, so they can understand your conversations
  • You have no friends who don't read Redwall, because they're afraid of your iron paw
  • You listen to Redwall cassette tapes, so when someone's reading aloud to you, you can constantly say, "No silly, it's Gouse-im, not Go-sim."
  • You are so crazed you go to bookpages.com so you can get the Redwall books from Britain a year before anyone else
  • When a bookstore doesn't get a shipment of Redwall books on time, they close the store until they do, because they're afraid of what you'll do when you find out
  • You send letters to Brian Jacques begging him to send you the tunes of Redwall songs, so you can recommend them to your chorus teacher
  • When you have to read the autobiography of an author, you send a letter to Brian Jacques telling him to write his autobiography and have it published in the U.S. on the double, so you can do him
  • When you're hiking to a campsite, you suddenly start singing, "Oh, it's hard and dry, when the sun is high, and dust is in your throat, etc,etc." (The Long Patrol anthem)
  • When someone calls a hare a bunny, you say, "You'd jolly well take that bally comment back, less'n y'want to face me in a blinkin' battle, wot!"
  • When someone asks what a stoat is, you're astonished that they don't know
  • You want to learn how Redwallers celebrate birthday parties, so you can do it that way
  • When you're learning about important kings, you sya, "Dinnae ferget yon Wild King MacPhearsome, or else Ah'll make ye regret it!"
  • When you're learning about medieval battles, you sya, "Don't forget the capture of Marshank!"
  • You tell the candy companies to make candied chestnuts
  • You have more than one Redwall on-line alter ego
  • When your parents don't give you enough allowance, you attempt to hypnotize them
  • You memorize over 25 Redwall poems
  • If you have a chestnut tree, and the squirrels are droppng chestnuts, you wonder if they've given up archery
  • You check to see if there are rats before going into an old church
  • You're using toothpicks and you wonder how the otters made them that small
  • You take toothpicks, stick them in the sand box, and try to impale your siblings on them
  • You wonder if the Loch Ness monster is really the Deepcoiler
  • If you go to a lake, you look for an island

- Boundare and Willow


  • During class, you talk to your friend in molespeach, so that the teacher won't understand you.
  • Your friend has you commited.
  • As they drag you away, you try to break free and yell,"Eeulaliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
  • When you watch a James Bond film, you wonder where Chibb is.
  • At school, you dash at an enemy with a stick yelling "Blood 'n Vinagaaaaaaar!"
  • He happens to have Redwall too, and when he looks at you you think he is trying to hipnotize you.
  • During Titanic, you yell,"Why didn't you have Log-a-Log build the ship?!"
  • When you have to dicet a mouce in science, you yell,"Oh no, Mattimeo, say you didn't die! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
  • You are going to be Hon Rosie for Halloween (Me, of corse:-)
  • You get the Bloodwrath when you get extra homework.
  • When you're cat walks in, you grab you're "sword" and yell "I have kept my promise, cat. Kotir has fallen!
  • You run around yelling "Redwaaaaaaaalllllll! Eeulaliaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Holt Lutraaaaaaaaaaa! Log-a-Log-a-Log-a-Log-a-Log-a-Log! Mossflowerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Rudariiiiiiiiiiiing! Southswaaaaaaaaaaard! and Blood 'n Vinagaaaaaaaaaaarr!
  • You vow to slay you're friend for breaking you're fathers "sword".
  • You have done everything on this page.

- Hon Rosie

Arrr! Some wee scurvy lad made the rest 'o this page walk the plank! Arrr! Where's me compass? These are those new obsessions mentioned on the main page. There's still a lot more missing but I just gotta call it quits for now so I can escape with my sanity. I'm working on it!


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