What do i really want with Tim anyway?
So i'm driving over to Tim's tonight because we take swing lessons together, and i'm kind of talking to God, just asking him what i'm doing...because i don't seem to know. I know i liked Tim. I mean i still do. But even back in the summer when i would think about how funny he was, even then i wondered if i could have a physical relationship. I'm not talking about sex (well i could be, but.. ;) I mean just to be in a romantic relationship. I guess that's better wording. I've experienced first hand a relationship where the physical attraction was only on one side...and it wasn't mine! That's not a good position to be in, because you feel so sorry for the guy when you're rejecting his moves. (I think you're a great guy, but please don't touch me.. ). But before going in with Tim, i confronted myself, and decided i did like Tim in that way. So here I am.
There.
I've decided i like Tim. But now what? A relationship has to have goals purposes or else it just sits there and it's pointless. So back to driving, and talking to God, i was trying to re-figure Conversations With God (a book by Neale Walsch) into my life by figuring out "Who I Am" and "Who I Want to Be". I've come to conclude that i don't know what i want with Tim. I kind of like spontaneous action, and to see where things take me.
He kissed me again tonight.
I know he's nervous, but i think he should just grab me and go at it! ;) I like passion behind one's actions. We always do this "la la la" bit before he'll give me a hand shake and use that as a pull in to my lips. I wish he'd take my face, or my waist or something. I don't know, i guess i just like that.
I keep springing ahead, but i was thinking about Valentine's Day. That would be fun to have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day :). Sadly, my best V-day was spent skiing, and stalking this cute guy in yellow ski boots. He was pretty hot, though ;)
But thankfully i don't get all wound up over holidays and such like that. It's just another day. Another commercialized day. Then again maybe that would all change if i actually did have a boyfriend on one of those days! But i hate gift giving. I'm terrible at it, and wish i could go about without it. Even if it meant nothing for me...really! Christmas? No gifts, i would be happy. I wonder what i would buy for Tim, if we last that long.
I don't know, two kisses, we're practically long term here ;)
"If you want to hang out, you've got to take her out...cocaine. If you want to get down, down on the ground..concaine. She don't mind. Cocaine.--Clapton
