Hello wonderful online journal! I am in a fabulous mood, so I'll see if I can concentrate on what I want to write. I can't believe I only wrote twice in November, I have been ignoring you! My whole first quarter, and I haven't documented my life yet? So much has happened to me. Especially this weekend. I'll start with Thursday and some background.
Okay. There's this guy, Bryan. I used to work with him at Max & Erma's, but he was always just some server, you know, i never talked to him or anything. But then on my last day there (before i went to college) he was kind of talking to me, and told me he wanted to get together---not as a date just to hang out. Well, whatever on that one, but I thought he was pretty freaky and wasn't sure i felt comfortable giving my number away like that. So I opted for emails instead. Well about two weeks ago I wrote him an email just kind of joking and asking, "so what is the meaning of life," because at the restaurant he said he knew....but it would take too long to explain right there. Anyway, he wrote me back and kind of gave me his take on life and yadda yadda. We wrote a couple more emails back and forth and he wanted to get together. I was enjoying the emails (me and my philosophy and religion!) so I gave him my number.
We got together for lunch and ended up spending the afternoon together. It was very interesting, although kind of still bizarre. Like he wasn't as "psycho" as when i first met him, but he was definitly different. But not only was he--I was different too. He makes me different in away I can't really explain. I am so open with him, and free to be...i don't know absolutely weird, but totally real! :)
After that lunch we started spending hella time together. More lunches, and hang out times, and phone calls and emails....it was like super kill--except I don't think I realized it was overkilling me. He was just so darn interesting that I couldn't say no when he wanted to get together. I was having a good time with him, and we were building this strange relationship, and sort of a bond that I had never experienced before. Eventually it got to a point of where we were and what we were doing, and he kind of told me that he was attracted to me, yadda yadda. Okay, so Thursday night he calls and we're talking. Oops--scratch that, *I* call him, my first time, and it was kind of weird that I *would* call him, because i mean he's so crazy, and we're crazy and I don't know. I guess I came home, felt bummed, and strangely out of all the people I wanted to talk to--I wanted to talk to Bryan. So I called him up and we talked. It kind of got to this conversation about kissing, and it was sort of like "um, would you kiss me?" And I said yes or whatever, yadda yadda. In to which he claims, "I'm coming over."
Oh geez, right? I mean at this point I was still totally mixed up on my feelings for him. I was attracted to him, and his personality and being was so different than anyone else, I didn't know what to say or what to think, or what to expect when he came over. When he did, it was just like a nice normal "hang out" from what we had done before. But then I walked him out to his car, we had a huge discussion about kissing me--HE asked me if it would be alright, and i kind of told him i had a big problem with guys ASKING if they could kiss you--although I understood his position, wouldn't want to offend someone, right? Anyway, well eventually we were kissing, and it ended up being really nice. I would say my best "first kiss" with a guy ever. But perhaps I'm getting better, huh? (All that practice with kissing "non boyfriends" with Dan ;)
Okay, on Friday I wanted to hang out with the Siebert 2 Crew but I guess there just weren't any parties going on, because it was the weekend before finals and everyone was studying. So we (Dan and me) decide just to watch a movie together over in my room. So he comes over and we chit chat forever, and then we choose the movie: Total Recall. Actually, I really liked watching the movie, and I've seen it a ton of times, but maybe not for awhile. While we were watching we were totally good! I mean we sat in our seperate chairs not at all flirty or anything and just watched it. Afterwards we kind of switched channels a lot and talked about whatever. Eventually though, he pulls my chair over to him and we kiss. After that it's just chit chat and a little kissing, but eventually we move to the floor, and we're making out. It's a lot of the same from before. But this time i go down on him, and not only that we end up doing 69.
The whole experience....was interesting, but confusing as well. I mean I know we didn't have sex only because sex is considered a sin...but what the heck, does Dan really believe that all we were doing was "ok" in God's eyes? If I was a Christian then there's no way I would think that. I mean, I don't know. It's less of a concern than it was with Tim, but it's still a factor. Because although I think i'm glad we didn't have sex, I'm not sure I would be saying anything if we had.
As if this is not enough...there's much, much more! Okay, here's the background. There's this guy named Ryan from my Asian Philosophy class that I've kind of been crushing on ever since the second week of school. We ended up being pretty friendly with each other, talking before and after class, and always sitting with each other. He was my number one area man. Did I mention what a cutie he was--as well as an alternative?! Anyway so he's this great little philosopher and loves the class just as much as I do...although I think he understands the concepts he's not exactly book smart, if that makes sense. But that's okay. He's cute. :)
He's also incredibly nice. He just radiates friendliness, I mean he is really sweet. So as the quarter progresses I keep thinking, wow, you know, I need to ask him out, because I think it's pretty obvious that we like each other. But of course I don't, because, well I'm scared. :) I mean even though I was pretty sure he did like me, I couldn't quite figure if he would want to go out with me. There were kind of a lot of factors going against me asking him out. First he lives off campus and I had already experience with Mike that, that's really hard to do. And then, we are kind of from different worlds, him being the alternative party type and me...well, me going to the movies for my kicks. :)
So it ends up being the last day of the quarter. I know I have to ask him--one because if I don't do it that day, then I'll never see him again, and two...la la la, because I told just about everyone I knew that I was going to ask him for his number. Couldn't let them down, right? The problem, was when I got there, he was off running around with Silent Bob. Okay, Silent Bob is really this nice guy named, Matthew. But he could be silent bob's twin, so I always refer to him like that. :) He's also one of our area guys. Anyway, so I'm just sitting outside the room, and Ryan comes running up to me and plops down in indian style right in front of me like "are you ready!" He is so cute! La la la....so we're chit chatting, and I really want to ask him, but I'm scared because silent bob is around us! So anyway, we go into class, and luckily get seats next to each other (it's hard to do on test days), and I want to ask him there...but well, silent bob, and this other area guy/old friend of Ryan's is sitting right in front of us, and I can't really say anything, cuz we're all talking amongst ourselves, about the final and such. Which actually, was fun in itself, because we were all bubbling from "Final anticipation."
So I'm taking the test, but all i can think about is, gee, how am I going to ask Ryan out?...especially since the test already started, what if he finishes first....what if I finish first, how wil I ask him, yadda yadda yadda..... So, uh, if I fail the final...that's probably why ;) Anyway I devise a scheme, and figure I'll rush through the final, and then I'll be finished just in case if he finishes early so I can kind of race after him. Thankfully when I finished he was still going, so I had a chance to go back through and kind of look over what I had written. Hopefully I didn't generalize too much, and my writing was legible...what can i say, my thoughts were in other places! So Ryan gets up, grabs his stuff and heads down to turn in his paper. I wait for him to turn it in, before I get up to go down. I'm trying not to be too obvious I'm following him, but I'm still scared that I'll have to chase him down. I figured once he walked out of the class room doors it was going to be hard for me to talk to him. So I put on my coat and stuff and run down to turn in my test. Luckily, Ryan stopped halfway out of the classroom and put on his coat/gloves and such (perhaps waiting on me? :) so I had a chance to catch up to him, and we walked out together.
So we walk out, just talking about the test and what not. He lives far down in the complete opposite direction of me, but today I kind of kept walking with him. I walked like half way across campus, then on to almost the other end of it. I kept thinking, uh, Danielle, you do realize you have to ask him soon, before you find yourself like at his house or something! But anyway, I'm trying to ask him when-->SuRpRiSe, he asks me out! He tells me about a Rave going on and asks if I wanna go. Of course I say, who cares about drug/illegal activies, la la la. So we exchange numbers and I'm on my way. Yaaa. :)
To be continued....
