I had a very nice "together time" with Tim on Friday. After i went bowling with some peeps he showed up at the ally, and we drove over to this old park i used to hang out at all the time when i was little. The whole area (it also has a huge baseball diamond assortment in it) is a mix of memories. Some when i was very little playing t-ball, some just hanging out with my best friend and middle school, others as a young adult just coming back from time to time. I had to try really hard to not candidly point and say, "...and over there on that picnic bench is where my best friend first had sex...". But i managed to not reveal every memory in that head of mine to him.
It was actually late by the time we had walked across memory lane, but we thought we'd make a quick visit to the park. There are all these connecting tubes to crawl through, but i had always walked over them (even when i was little). Sort of afraid the tube would now break since i'm a lil bigger since those days ;) but it was fine. So I hopped into the middle where all the tubes just open up, while he stayed upside down in one of the other tubes. It actually ended up being very interesting kissing upside down.
He bit my lip so much that i'm bruised today with proof of it!
So then we switch, and i'm in the tube, and he's just leaning down to kiss me and he asks me if i'm waiting til marriage to have sex. It seemed a lot like a trick question. If i say yes, then i sound like a prude. On the other hand he is a Christian, so perhaps he's just testing the grounds to see if I'm also waiting. But thinking farther why would he be asking me if i was waiting...when he's iniating every physical move we've done? (..is he hoping for more..?)
I still don't know if he knows I'm not a Christian.
So i ask him if he is. And he says "yes" very matter-of-factly. Well it seems like an easy answer now, Agalai....just say YES! you are waiting too. But i must seem to like difficulty so i tell him, i think it's a good idea, but i don't know. And in reality that is the truth. But i believe it's better to wait for practical reasons...won't have to worry about pregnancy, STD's, birth control, emotional damage, reputation and gossips, places to "do it"....Not because it is a sin.
And Christians are so fond of saying that "non-Christians" are out to bring them down, and i'm trying my hardest to prove them wrong, but... It's not like i'm trying to get him to have sex with me. Infact we don't even have to kiss if he would want to go the Christian extreme with me (even just lusting, or acting on lust is a sin).
I can feel a major Christianity crisis looming ahead. My (new) best friend (opposed to the one i was talking about at the park..) is beginning to question who I am, because I've yet to say what I am. My boyfriend is (although sending mixed signals as he's kissing my stomach...) begging me to wait. (Is it like he's putting his feelings on me..by telling ME to wait, he's telling himself to?) It's a mystery.
"That's me in the spotlight. Losing my religion" --REM
