You know, you have this guy who loooves to talk about the importance of privacy, but gleefully participates in the breaking of it. I could almost hear him laughing in satisfaction of finding what he shouldn't. Purposely searching out to find it. Even though it violated my privacy. This is for me. Not for you. It's not even for anyone else. For me.
It sort of reminds me of the time i went on a trip and came home to find my diary open on my bed. Hmm, that's interesting I thought. Funny, i don't usually leave my diary out for people to read, la la la, you know?
It's really a joke anyway. Trying to get your personal thoughts on paper. My sister has no respect for my privacy. And everyone knew where i kept my diary. But just because you have the opportunity doesn't mean you should do it. But geez, you would have thought they could have done a better job, about being not so obvious. I mean you could have at least put the diary back where you found it! She actually wrote in it, where i had asked a question to myself! How sick. So i was upset, cuz it was like in 6th grade or something. So my next entry was nice and passionate. Infact, i wrote it right to her. Telling god to damn her to hell, or anyone else infact who read that message.
Which actually is kind of interesting looking back. So i guess I did believe in hell at one time. ;) But anyway, i always felt so ashamed everytime i would come across that entry. Like why would you damn someone to hell for something like that?
I've posted here on the internet, if someone reads it, it's because i've put it here. But i would like to think that my close friends would want to respect my feelings, and not read it. Especially because i didn't give them the address for a reason. I don't know what i expected, i don't know why it surprised me so much.
It was like a moment of panic when i found out, James. What did I say? What did he read? It was a lot like when i saw my diary out on my bed, and i felt sick to my stomach. If someone reads this and finds it and would bother to read it again, i would hope it would be something more like a story. Not like a personal life. This isn't for a friend to read. It's fascinating to be able to step into someone's mind, and get a look. And what i put here isn't even the whole truth. But it's something. But it's just...it's not for you. I tell you so much already.
I just want to laugh and say "you suck!". I'm beyond being mad, really. I just, well, it's too late. i'll always be watching myself now.
