James,
Here..i'll set it off right. I'm in a good mood. :) Have been all day really. woke up kind of early actually. For having gone to bed around 4/5 last night/uh, this morning.
Anyway saw this great 1930s movie called The Animal Kingdom. Black and white and all that jazz, i really liked it. Ohhh, i want to act so badly. I really want to do the play of it, it would be really cool. I guess we always did old movies for our plays, so maybe that's what inspired me. I really like it. and it was only an hour and half long so it was good time too. but i just really like it. I'm going to tell Mr. Shirley about it, and maybe they'll put it on at Centennial, that would be cool. I kind of miss my under classmen. :)
Hey do you know where i might find a "algebra quickie lesson" over the 'net maybe? I really need to review some junk before i do orientation. I will absolutely die on those tests! oh the shame the shame!
Ok. So my computer was back up this morning. (it was so strange for a "fixer" person to actually come...early? It was so nice cuz he came here like at 9 i was surprised. So i got up and totally did the 'net thing for like 5 hours i was so sick of it. But it was acting up. nothing was loading up, it was still really miserable. almost a tease and worse than having nothing. Now i really wanted to watch the movie Maverick. but i could not find it. which really sucked cuz i didn't buy it from my movie club cuz i knew i copied it and already had it. could not find it anywhere. but i ended up watching Adventures with Babysitting, which was still pretty good. so it was fine. Ah, another movie only to realize i'm older than all the characters in it. i'm going to be 30 watching Goonies and being really confused on why i used to love it probably.
So i went to my room. and tried to pick up a little. lately i'll start to do it, but never really get a good start, so everyday it gets the "daily clutter" so it never really gets any better. I had all my cd cases on my floor from when i left for my trip cuz i put them in a carrying case. and my floor was convered in trash, so most of my cases got stepped on and cracked. great! uh... but anyway that's when tim called...which led to my nap and so on.
Bible study was good. Well i guess. I was in a good mood, so maybe *that* made it good. I was really enjoying singing. they played this song that was very similar to this song from my trip to Jeckyll #1 which i totally fell in love with and sing to myself all the time now. I don't know any words so i just kind of make them up. ;) the tune was basically the same but this version had different words. anyway, that was cool. i don't know why i felt so good. ah, must have been that nap? probably all energized or something. i could have sang for longer...i always enjoy the songs at bible study better than at youth group for some reason. Like the songs at youth group are better actually...but i just feel uncomfortable i guess at youth group. like i'd rather sit down and sing, but i'm supposed to be all like..i don't know, i can't explain it.
So we do the bible study thing. i've got this girl liz on one side to me. who has so many problems i just don't even know what to do with her. But she seems to talk to me which i think is really good for her. and holly is on my otherside and she's in this super "funk" which i find more annoying, which is sad cuz i should relate and all, but with holly it just feels like. i don't know. like she doesn't even want to try to be helped or listen or anything. i think she just wants to be depressed. so i guess i'll just let her. there's this girl. she's only a freshman i think, but boy is she gonna have the guys after her, and she's super nice too, it's so cool. but anyway, she is so beautiful. she blows me away. super dark perfect ringlet curls. great eyebrows, lips. the perfect body. she is so beyond pretty, i can't believe it. wow, i sound so gay all my emails are like "lemme tell you about this hot girl" ;) what can i say i'm totally wrapped up in vanity! Can't help but notice what's around me. Good thing i love talking about guys too, huh?!
So back to bible study. i don't remember what it was about. oh well it was about giving your faith out. evangelism or however you spell it. it was interesting sort of. some good notes. we studied this part in John.
Which was cool. We also went to this passage in luke, that i have passionately circled cuz it makes me so angry and well i start to bubble. anyway i didn't say anything, just dropped side comments to liz. i don't think she knew what i was talking about. it's a passage concerning hell that really bothers me because it just doesn't make sense. and to me it doesn't display a "loving, forgiving" god in the situation. Anyway, snaps for me though...all my personal bible study has paid off because we brought up some other passages and i already knew the stories behind it, so it was nice to feel knowledgeable about something. And then they put up a passage and a couple kids took their shot at what it meant. Even my girl k and they were all wrong and i actually volunteered and was "right on" to what it was saying. everyone was like ohhh, yeah... But that was fun.
But the whole topic made me feel like a fake again. i'm taking notes on how to share the "good news" when i know i'll never do it. i think i could...but i don't think i would. i mean i could never talk about hell, and mean it, when i don't believe in it. But i still got some good thoughts from it. The thing is
is i want people to be in a relationship with God. I think what i believe...well not necessarily is "better" just it totally works, and it works in such a freeing way, that i would want people to go by that instead of Christianity, but i think it's easier to witness to Christianity. there's so much working with it. I mean just having the bible is this huge push.
I know i shouldn't but....Dan looked so good tonight. Somtimes i don't find him that attractive, but he looked really good tonight. Even holly mentioned it, and i don't think holly has ever had any thoughts about Dan. Actually Dan and i had some pretty good chats after bible study. He looked kind of in a bad mood, so i was just asking him what was up and such. we started talking about road trips and school. and later on we were talking just about...oh i don't even know what. just laughing about stuff like (gasp) normal people. (what he's talking to me!?) Then he was saying how he had to go home and couldn't go out with us because he was in trouble. I guess his mom found something in his room that shouldn't have been there. We were kind of talking in code and ha-ha la la la's, so i wasn't sure if i was completely following him. But i think my conclusion was his mom found a stash of pot. way to go dan. i didn't even know he did that. but i guess that doesn't really surprise me. he really is a..."bad boy" in college, which just makes it even tougher that he broke up with me cuz i wasn't a Christian. Because in the end he wasn't convicted into anything better. just took a turn for the worst. he's such a slut, i hear so many stories about him it is so crazy. I don't know if he actually is having sex, i just know he's very girl crazy in away. he's just always talking about picking up girls. i don't know if it's to be cool in front of the other guys or what. well now that i've dedicated a huge paragraph to Dan, why not one for Chris?
He was hitting on me so bad tonight. it was so wrong! anyway so we've just been chummy all night after bible study while everyone is hanging out and so it turns to a story about Dan which i had actually already heard from Tim's view. So it's about Easton and Dan being so fast with picking up girls and whatever, and Chris is saying how he never makes any moves, he just thinks about it. sort of like you, James. then days later he'll see the girl again and think about it, but feel silly cuz he knows she already saw him, so it would be weird to say something now, and so on. and i was just joking about Dan and his ways and how tim said the girls weren't even cute or anything. So chris says well, they were alright, but Tim is really picky about the girls he dates. "They always have to be perfect and look like super models."
puhlease! what is a girl supposed to say to that! I just played a ditz, like "oh yeah?" But anyway. it was still flattering, although i thought he had begin to move on from me. I wonder if he'll make a move when me and tim are over. but i just couldn't imagine that. Especially so soon, cuz that would be way weird. And i would feel like a total slut if i date any more youth group guys!! ;)
Tim seemed really pumped about the idea of me spending the night. (well you know, not like that...) But who knows what would have happened in that situation. Not like that would happen. That would be too much stress on me arranging all of that. too chancy and i don't even know what our 'rents would do if we were caught. I don't even...want to think about that. Besides that would be uncomfortable with chris. I wouldn't want him thinking we were having sex. that would be like if we had the house alone and Nicole's boy was spending the night in her room. That's like being aware your parents are having sex. not images you really want to think about. and i don't think tim and i would have sex anyway. Of course in that situation. who knows. we've never spent a night together ;)
As for the backdrop....when i wrote this i was seriously considering breaking up with Tim. And for having the house to ourselves...his parents are leaving for two weeks to go to Isreal.
"You quench my heart and oh, you quench my mind and celebrate, celebrate free will, life is sweet but short for certain."--DMB-Two Step
