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I have this guy and I write him (e-mail) all the time. Basically I tell him my life story everyday, and in exchange he gets to tell me his. It's like a diary that talks back. Which is interesting actually thinking of a diary thinking...would a diary take an all knowing interest--yeah, ask that billy kid out, yep, he likes you...--Or would it have a one sided opinion--Well I think basketball is boring..um, so go to the movies instead.. Or would it be like your unconscious, talking back out to you?
Was that totally a pointless paragraph? Actually this is supposed to be the first, in I'm sure a series of "Dear James" letters. I find a lot of my letters to him, exhaust me of repeating the story to my journal here. So I thought I'd write it here first, then just copy it over to him. But seeing as I'm rambling more than usual, maybe I'll just let this stay here.
So what's up in my life? I was thinking of this great entry when I first got up this morning, but I now I can't think of a thing. I had a short short night at work tonight. Everyone home watching the Buckeyes, that's cool, I'm glad when it's slow. I just really could use some hours, so leaving early wasn't the best. I really wanna see a movie. But i thought that Keanu movie was out, but it just must be on it's way. Or maybe I'm confused and I just don't know what the title is. Wow, this is definitly not a James letter. Well, it was just an idea...
I could use a massage. There was this guy in the play named, A.C.--and he was amazing! I've never been given such a good massage. And I thought my mom was good...he was a little rough, but I like them a little harder, so it really works out the knots. Tim kinda sucks at them. Scratch him off the list. ;)
I went to Tim's play last night. It was okay, actually it was kinda "Oh-mi-god-ish" at parts, because it was pretty bad. But it was funny. It basically was your typical highschool play. But I think ours was better. :)
Ooooh, this movie is so annoying. My little brother is watching Balto on the cartoon network. Yeah...but he's 15. I wonder when he's going to grow up. He's so immature. He's still doing the Saturday morning cartoon thing. sigh.
This is entry is going nowhere. I can't decide if i should just stick around and think of something to talk about...or continue to ramble...or just get off of it already.
Actually I was trying to go somewhere with Tim's play. I originally had a reserved ticket in a pretty good spot right in the middle. But then I exchanged to sit with my friends, cuz I would have had to sit by myself. But I was joking to Holly that I probably would have been sitting by two hot guys. I'm hoping for a haha, yeah, but instead I get a look and a whine, "Dannnnniellllee....you have a boyfriend!!". Oh yeah. Then I felt kind of bad, because she's been saying that lately, with me checking out a variety of recent boys that have come my way, and I started thinking about it. And although me and Tim are "boyfriend and girlfriend" it doesn't really feel like it. I mean it does...but it doesn't at the same time. Like we're "dating", but we aren't exclusive dating. We just don't see that much of each other really. But do you date someone (not exclusive) because you're just testing each other out to see if you'd like to date..for real? Or do you date just to have fun with a person you like to hang out with? But it would seem if you do like the person, then you would want to exclusively date him/her. And do I want to exclusively date Tim? Yeah, I guess I do. But I still like others. I know I'm young, and a teenager, and not exactly a mature committed person, and I don't see Tim and I ever falling in love, but really, what am I in this relationship for? Just for fun? Just for convenience? Because he asked?
Tim is a sweety. And I did like him before he started to show any interest. I can even recall a conversation with my best friend, that Tim is the type of guy I would want to marry, but I'll probably never date. What's that mean? Tim in my eyes was so funny. And I love those crazy funny guys. And I'm not usually all that crazy. Well...sometimes I am. Actually I can be pretty silly...but still, it comes and goes, and usually I end up with a nice guy. I don't mean to use it negatively. Nice guys are very...nice. Just need some flavor to jazz 'em up a bit. And a nice guy is better than a jerk. Although unfortunatley those jerks are usually the really good looking guys. But while, I wouldn't turn down a goodlooking guy, an outrageous personality will always grab me even with less than wonderful looks. Take an average, to a little above..or even a little below, and give them a sense of humor, or a quirky attribute, and I just love it. But usally it takes an equally quirky girl to go with them. And I don't usually have that wild flair to me. But I'm really attracted to that kind of personality. Great loud personalities..I like 'em. Anyway back to Tim, I guess once dating him, he's not really as funny as I thought. Oh wait, that sounds mean--he is funny. But not what I had created of him in my mind. Actually, the only thing that really bothers me about our relationship is our inability to have any "real" conversations. I don't need to express our deep inner soul everytime we get together, but I do wish we could just have some real moments. We have "how are you's" and then he's grabbing to kiss me. And I don't know what to think of all that. I wonder why Tim likes me.
Sure I'm cute.
(grin.) Do I have anything else going for me? If he's not talking, then I can't put all the blame on him, perhaps it's something in me that's lacking?
I like his brother. Isn't that awful? I totally want to date him in the future. And I know he likes me. I don't know. Would it be different dating him. I mean I know it would be different, but would the talking problem be there? I wonder if his brother would be as quick to make out with me. I can't see it, but at the same time I wouldn't have thought it of Tim either.
I all of a sudden have this creepy feeling that someone is reading this journal, who shouldn't be. Still a laugh, seeing as I've left my addy at only two guestbooks and that's it. I really doubt if anyone in the world can even find my little corner. This is so scary. I don't get how people can expose themselve's on the 'net about their life. Ah, who cares, I don't. I don't care if anyone I know reads this. I'll be leaving soon anyways, ha, I wonder if it would be better if they told me they were reading it, or just left it secret. I guess better left unsaid.What you don't know can't hurt you.
"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, you don't like my point of view...you think I'm insane. It's not sane. It's not sane."--Blind Melon
