Next Tuesday, Gigg Lane will be hosting a champagne reception in honour of the 27th Anniversary of the official opening of the Richard Millhouse Nixon memorial executive toilet block and new car park at MGM Film Studios, California.

Tickets for this prestigious event are on sale at £35 each and the price includes, glass of Albanian champagne, meat pie and bingo card.

Guest of Honour will be Hiram Z Creuzfeld, Head of Corporate tax deductible projects, and a special appearance will be made by Fred The Red, who will be forging autographs for all the Man Yernighted players.

Everyone at Bury FC is said to be "delighted" that Gigg Lane, described in the Rothmans Football Yearbook as a "football ground" has been chosen as the venue for this star-studded occasion. Officials appear unconcerned that Bury FC itself will get almost no publicity from this particular event - "These things take time, you know" commented a spokesperson. Officials hope that it will be the prelude to many other high profile functions for multi-national corporations. We understand that a new venue is being sought for the finals of the International Toxic Waste Dumping Contest, and we've heard that the Sultan of Brunei needs somewhere to exercise his polo ponies too.

Supporters please note:

Due to the above arrangements, Bury supporters are asked to keep well clear. I mean, WE all know that hooliganism is all but dead, but English football fans still have a very bad image overseas, so please don't turn up and put the wind up our guests, okay?

If any of you are going to our away fixture that night, please make your way to the new coach departure point - Unit 34a, Outlands Industrial Estate, Windswept Park, Rossendale. On returning to Bury, having shouted your whatsits off for an hour and a half, you might fancy a pint in the Social Club. But it'll be shut, so don't bother.

Have A Nice Day!!!