announcing...

OH.MY.GOD

This about sums up how I feel today.... terrified.

I got my announcements and just stood there, staring at them. Hearing the blood rush in my ears, seeing the look on my mom's face. My god, she's already beaming with pride, and I'm not even in my cap and gown yet.

(Just so you know, the look of the announcements doesn't translate well through a scan. The paper is a thick ivory card stock, and the lettering and border is done in gold. Very classy).

I've been trying to figure out what's wrong all day. I feel different. Something is going on in my head and I can't pinpoint it. I went to the store, a 20 min drive there and back, just to have the alone time.. to think. To figure it out. By the time I got back home, I was just as confused as ever.

I spent the rest of the day resisting the urge to lay on the couch and claim I was "getting sick".

I watched tv, played with Bryce, played Snood, sat and stared.

Nothing became apparent in my mind. I couldn't figure out what was wrong inside my head.

I couldn't figure it out.....until I looked at this announcement again.

Then it hit me. It's almost over, for real. This was the last "school break" I'll have. Tomorrow I start again, getting back on this roller coaster, and when it ends, it will be over.

Some of you may wonder, what's the big deal? First off, it's just an AS degree, not like I'm getting a Masters or something. Second, so I finish and get a job, so what?

Two years ago my life was in shambles. I was recovering from a nervous breakdown. I could barely function in public, let alone get a degree. I had no direction, no purpose, no life.

I have two dreams... graduating, and getting a job as a web designer with good pay. One of those dreams is about to come true. Then I will have to work on the other one.

This is the most important time of my life, even more so due to the fact that I've crawled my way back from a black hole called depression. I'm so proud of myself.

I'm so scared.