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Warnings: We were drunk. Very, very drunk. ‘Nuff said. Excessive talk of feces for some odd reason. There are no fecalfeliacs in this story and none writing it...for some reason, the information was just matter-of-factly out there. Sorry.
Notes: Typical AU schmutz…Heero POV. Very sarcastic…did I mention we were drunk when we wrote this? Dog bashing…lemon…kinda. Please do keep in mind that neither of us actually hate dogs. Or own one currently, but that’s beside the point. Both of us actually really do like dogs a lot. Neko is based off of Yogo Tsukai’s sweet little sabretoothed one-eyed kitty, Bert, Bobo is based on my (Kit’s) little sister’s dog, Caradonna…and we threw in the wiener dog for Tzi. *evil grin*
Disclaimer: We don’t own Gundam Wing…the animals really are their own entities and we already drank the booze, so you ain’t getting nothing! So there!
Feedback: Yes! Dammit! We’ll give you doggie biscuits! Okay, we won’t, unless you really want ‘em…
[1]So, on to the mission of the afternoon: fucking like minks. I think I like that; yes, very nice thoughts of Duo…naked…sprawled out…oooh…okay, I’m sprawled. That’s okay. But for some odd reason, that dog seems to have a sick, strange sixth sense… Ah, alliteration.
“Woof! Wooof! Woooooof!”
“Fucking dog!”
Now, in order, that was me, then Max, then Duo…
“Maaaaaaaaaaaax!” Duo groaned, burying his face conveniently in my stomach. “Knock it off! You get to hump all kinds of stuff, but I’m a little more picky, y’know!”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re picky, huh?”
“Damn straight! I had you under surveillance for weeks,” he told me with a lazy grin.
“Really?” I asked, rather amused. “I’ve been watching you for months.”
“Damn…if I’d known…” he murmured thoughtfully.
“We would have been fucking like minks long ago?” I finished for him.
Duo just whimpered. He sounded kind of pathetic, actually, but not as pathetic as Max, who had taken to howling forlornly outside the door. Duo sighed. “Maybe we should just let him in to watch…”
No way in Hell. “Uh…no.” Sorry, but there’s a reason that animalism is illegal everywhere but Texas, and we aren’t in Texas. Besides, they watch, they get curious. The bad curious…I still shudder…no…no animals watching, ever.
Then, it started. I’ve heard Neko yowl before, especially those few times I accidentally stepped on her tail, and the one other time she tipped the spaghetti sauce all over herself and she needed a bath…but this was different. This wasn’t threatening; this was…defensive and protective-sounding. Sort of nice, actually; I could have sworn that cat hated me. Then, it dawned on me.
“Duo…Max wouldn’t try…you know…” I stated uncertainly. “Not with Neko…right?”
“Nah, nah, no way, man,” he told me, nuzzling at my stomach again. Hmmm…Neko is a strong cat…she can take care of… Then there was another yowl, and this one really sounded threatening. Almost like a promise of death, come to think of it… “Aw, fuck! No! Max!” Duo flew off the bed and yanked the door open, flinging himself out into the hallway.
Shit. We are never going to have sex. Ever. Our animals are evil space beings sent to keep us from boinking. The gods are conspiring against us. And I don’t even believe in God, let alone several…
“Max! NO! BAD DOG!” he howled. “THAT’S NOT ANOTHER DOG! SHE’S NOT A TREE, OR THE MAILMAN…STOP THAT!” A laugh followed by another yowl and a whine caught my attention. “Your own fault…I told you…some girls are too hard to handle…”
And then, in walked Duo with a smug little smirk on his face as he calmly kicked the door shut. “Well, I guess that takes care of that,” he chuckled, pouncing on the bed beside me. “Now, who’s going to take care of you, Yuy-san?”
“I was hoping you could tell me…” Oh, that’s what an erogenous zone is…hmmm…I never knew my inner thighs were that sensitive, either. I love learning new things… “Oh, I’m going to take very good care of you, Yuy-sama…” he breathed against the wet patch he left on my skin. Ooohhh…shivers.
“’Kay…”
“Wanna know what I’m gonna do to you?” he growled, running one hand down my chest and stomach, lazily tracing circles with is fingertips.
“I said, ‘kay’, didn’t I?” I gasped as he playfully plucked at a nipple. That was definitely turning into one of those interesting little fetishes you normally don’t find out about a person until you’ve slept with them…good to know I already had a few clues as to what Duo liked. And I certainly wasn’t complaining. Nosiree.
“Mmmm…I’m gonna fuck you so hard…I’m gonna sit you on my fucking lap and let you ride me until I cum, hard and deep inside your ass…” He was purring while he talked. I swear to you that’s the only way to describe it, a low purr like some big cat stalking it prey, and it looked like I was dinner.
But, this was some of the worst dialogue I’d ever heard, but you know what? I didn’t give a shit. Being horny will do that to you. And when you’re as horny as I was…well, he could have used stupid lines like, “I’m gonna take you to seventh heaven and not bring you back to Earth until I’m done” or “Nice boots, wanna fuck?” and I probably wouldn’t have cared. All I knew was that I wanted some, I was getting some, and I didn’t care if the dog, cat, and neighbors all burst through the door all at once, I was getting laid.
They could bring video cameras…but I want copies. Ditto for pictures. Hell, they could post them on the internet, and I wouldn’t have given a fuck. Hmmm…I wonder if Duo’s the voyeuristic ty--…mmmmm…fuck… I began giggling a the thought, and apparently, I sound freaky when I giggle.
“Man, that’s just fucking creepy,” Duo groaned, working his way across my stomach. “Don’t giggle…”
“Sorry…I…mmmm…I was imagining….you…me…camcorder…internet…fuck it…” Wow. I’d really forgotten what it felt like to have my dick in someone’s mouth. That is really nice. Okay, better than just nice. But you know, my brain can really only use words with one syllable… Things like…mmmmmmmmm…fuck…me…now…
“Hm.” Apparently this amused Duo to no end. “I never expected you to be a…*lick*…exhibitionist, Heero…” “Hmmmmm.” Oh, yes…do that again, would you? “If you want…*nibblenibblenibble*…we can try that later…”
Yes! There’s going to be a “later”! Go me! Well, come me…come Duo…all over…later…soon…don’t care. Oooh…pretty lights flashing behind my eyelids! When did those get there? [2]
It’s really amazing what something as simple as suction can do, really. Maybe I should have used the vacuum cleaner or something. No…people get their dicks ripped off doing that. And besides, I have Duo now. And I really do like my dick right where it is. I have no intentions of becoming a King Missile song. [3] I did have a sinking suspicion that I was going to be pulling sheets out of my ass for a month though.
Soon, after the intense urge to shove myself into that nice wet, warm place that was trying to suck my eyeballs out, I think I fell back on the bed. I couldn’t really tell, since my vision was blurring from the buzzing in my teeth. Did you know teeth can buzz, boys and girls? They can. I have proof, courtesy of Duo Maxwell, and no, you can’t have one.
Mine.
“Mmmm…okay, that sounds good,” Duo purred, sitting up from his place on the bed, licking the last of the runoffs from his fingers. He was obviously enjoying himself.
“Huh?” Yep, that’s me: Mr. Polysylabalic Latinates.
“You said, ‘mine’, and I said, ‘okay, that sounds good’,” he repeated for me.
“’Kay.” I smiled sleepily at him…both of him…them… “My teeth are buzzing.”
“C’mon, Superstar, don’t fall asleep on me, yet,” he teased smugly, reaching for my very, very sensitive cock and palming it lightly. “We’re nowhere near done.”
You know, I think there may be more than just lust here, but right now, I really can’t think of what it is. [4] Probably because somehow, Duo actually knows how to get me back up without it hurting. I never knew you could do that. Ah, who cares…
“Mmmm…you look so fucking pretty like that,” he told me, sliding his body up along mine so that we were pressed together and kissed me hard enough that I saw stars. His tongue wormed its way into my mouth and I could taste my own ejaculate…it really wasn’t as bad as I always thought. Hmm, well, I’m still not going to get into bukkake or anything, so he’d better not be expecting…are those my tonsils or his?
Then what he said registered with me. What the fuck did he mean by pretty? I’m not fucking pretty. Little girls are pretty. Rainbows are pretty. I am most definately not…ah fuck yeah. Okay, I’m pretty. Hand me a pink dress with ruffles and call me Priscilla. Shit, I gotta remember not to tell him what that nipple thing does to me.
“Anything you want,” I managed to gasp after he let go of my lips with an audible smack.
“Good, ‘cause I want to be inside that hot ass of yours,” he told me, leaning down to bite at my shoulder. He didn’t draw blood. That’s a good thing, I think. Didn’t care. I didn’t care if he left his name in hickeys across my chest. I was getting laid! And to top it off, he was gorgeous and knew how to use everything he had. Well, from what I could tell, so far.
“Huh?” He was talking and my mind was wandering to fucking. It’s a good thing one of us knows what we’re doing…
“Heero, babe…lube,” he reminded me with a quick fondling touch at my balls.
“Nightstand.” Oooh! Polysylabalic words…word…aw, who fucking cares? I was getting laid. Fuck! Fingers! Cold…moist…in my ass…nice. Oooh…and he liked to wiggle it around. That’s always good; if you’re fucking someone who knows what a prostate gland is, it really does help…yes, that one, right there… Oooh…the pretty lights are back. [5]
“Fuck, you’re tight,” Duo murmured almost thoughtfully.
“Is that bad?” Please don’t let that be bad…I don’t think it’s bad…
“Fu~uck no!” he crowed, squirming slightly and grinning at me like a maniac. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“Good.” Very good. Happy good. Now please get inside my ass…
“Your wish is my command,” he saluted cheerfully, adding another finger into the stretching process. What the fuck happened to my inner monologue? I know I had one at some point… Maybe it has something to do with the buzzing teeth. I should ask him about that. Later. After we wake up. Oooooh! Colors again! “Haaaa!” I think I heard my spine crack. Should that hurt? Don’t care.
I’m getting laid.
Correction, I’m about to get fucked. And fucked good.
“Damn right you are,” Duo muttered, pulling his fingers out of me. “Just give me a second here, okay?”
“Hurry.” You can put a fucking squid up there for all I care, just do it, and do it now! I glanced over to watch him coat his erection and just…stared. Wow, I had no idea someone could look that good doing something so simple. His back was arched, pooling that delicious braid between his feet as he kneeled on the bed. He looked over at me and smirked, taking his sweet time once he realized I was watching him, pumping his hand slowly up and down… “You little shit…”
“Like what you see, Hee-chan?”
“Call me Hee-chan again, and you’re not getting laid,” I growled, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him between my legs. And next, I swear to god, he started laughing.
“Is that what you were so pissy about before?” he blurted out between snorts. “That I called you ‘Hee-chan’?”
“It’s something you call your cat,” I snapped, sitting slightly to grab at him. Little fucker needs to quit moving out of the way like that…
“Nah,” he teased, leaning forward. “You call your cat ‘cat’.”
I was about to tell him to go to hell. I really was. But when he can effectively cut off my thought process, I try not to argue. Particularly when he did it by latching onto my mouth and reaching down between our legs to position himself against my ass. He’d better move soon, or so help me, I’m going to throw him down and do it for him…
Aw, fuck!
Okay, it feels bigger than it looks. Or maybe it’s because I was being impatient and he didn’t stretch me enough. Or maybe I don’t care, because I know damn well it isn’t going to matter in a few minutes. Nope, still hurts a bit…pull back out a little…in…out…further in…a little more… Holy shit! This time, I screamed out loud into his mouth. That hurt!
Duo’s head snapped up. “Y’kay?” he gasped, staring down at me with wide eyes.
“Fine,” I hissed. “Just gimme a second…” Okay, adjusting…adjusting…relax, Heero…relax…mmmmm…better, better…a little bit better…no ass-splitting pain anymore…this is good…ah. Much better. Just needed to move a few centimeters to the right. I like that.
“Oh, you do, do you?” he asked, arching an eyebrow at me. I think I nodded. I must have nodded, because he did it again. Slowly pulling out most of the way, and then rolling his hips forward almost as slowly, snapping hard near the end. Sparks shot up into my vision and I swear I saw Jesus. At least I hope it was Jesus, or it was the neighbor across the hall that belongs to a cult that occasionally looks in people’s windows. Don’t care.
“Yes!” I wailed, and you know, I bet I sounded like a little girl when I said it. Yep..just call me Priscilla. I just didn’t care, as long as he didn’t stop and I told him so.
“Anything you want,” he panted softly, thrusting forward again hard enough to make the bed creak a little. “Anything else you can think of, just keep screaming and I’ll figure it out as we go…”
“Keep it up, then!” I snapped.
“Not gonna be a problem…” He squeezed his eyes shut and thrust again, and the bed began protesting In earnest. MaYbe I should have gotten One with a headboard, because I have a feeling My head is goIng tO be kissing the wall before this is Over. Or Maybe he’ll just fuck me up the wall…that can be done. I vaguely remember that…Once…what the hell am I reMembering things from that party now?! I couldn’t remember it at all for the past five years and now it’s popping into my head?!
“We’ll try that one next,” he promised, rolling onto his back and pulling me with him a bit harder than I’d expected him to, so our foreheads banged together. “But for now…after the little stars stop flickering around…you were supposed to be doing something, weren’t you?”
I was? What was that? Holy shit…I think he’s going to come out my nose if he gets any deeper, or maybe just cum out my nose. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. No…I think I happen to like this right where we are.
[6]"Start riding, Cowboy," he rasped, pulling down on my hips. I saw stars again on the inside of my skull once more. I decided I really wanted to start making constellations, so I did it again. "Fuck yes! Harder..."
Harder. I could do harder. I slowly raised myself up and then slammed down again as hard as I could. That probably wasn't the best of ideas; I think I heard the bed more than protest. Of course, I really didn't care, seeing as I was getting some.
"God...you're so fucking tight..." Duo moaned, his hands fluttering up my sides to grasp my shoulders. I think I was going to have bruises there if he wasn't careful; I was actually going to tell him that. Really. I was. Then he bucked his hips and I forgot. "Heero...Heero..."
I've actually never had someone chant my name like that before. It was kind of creepy. But it was a good creepy. Like I was the only thing on his mind; the only thing that mattered. His fingers finally let go when I placed my own hands on his shoulders for leverage and wandered down to my chest. Wow. Did you know that it feel even cooler when someone plays with your nipples while his cock is up your ass? No lie.
“Fucking Christ Heero…more…”
Normally I would say the image of anyone fucking Christ would turn me off, I’m really not into anything that hairy, but there’s something about the way he says it just turned my on more. Damn.
I think I was screaming like a hysterical little girl on a rollercoaster. Complete with the "Oh God!"s. I really didn't care, though; I was really getting laid. I know I keep coming back to that, but I hadn't been with someone in a damn long time, and to be honest, I'd never enjoyed it this much before.
Before I knew it, I was on my back again, with my knees pressed up to my chest, Duo's hips pistoning like a racecar's engine in July. I don't know what the hell that meant...summer was racing season and it sounded good. Of course, I would have asked him if it sounded stupid. But I couldn't talk with his tongue in my mouth. At that moment, it was hard enough to talk with my own tongue in my mouth; one more in there just tended to tangle things up. I could still taste myself on his lips and it really didn't even register that it was me there...all I cared about was that we were attached in more than one place and he was fucking me with both appendages.
And if anyone asks, hell yes you can fuck someone in the mouth with their tongue. It's one of the more interesting feelings I've ever experienced; not the bad kind, though, like yeast infections or a broken bone that I had to field dress on my own with a few strips of cloth and a wrench...don't ask. I really hate remembering that camping trip. I swear, the next time Trowa said, "Let's go camping with a rack of beer and your car," I told him fuck no in as many words as possible.
But I don't care about camping. I was being fucked, getting kissed and touched everywhere...by an incredibly gorgeous man who wanted me bad enough that he was screaming and clawing at my sheets. I could feel everything around me; the way the sheets shifted under my sweaty back, the amazing feeling of being filled over and over again, the heavy fall of his sac meeting my bare ass, my muscles clenching to keep him from leaving me completely… My lungs were on fire with the heated air that had dominated the room. I think my throat was burning, too, but I couldn’t tell if it was because of the atmosphere or the inarticulate screams ripping themselves out of me.
It was warm and cold all the at same time. Shivers were arching my back while a soft sheet of sweat covered my body. I felt muscles tensing I had not control over, others twitching for the sheer joy of it, and that familiar burning, rising from somewhere inside, threatening to wipe all the rest out; moist firm pressure on my penis teasing it out of hiding for the second time today. Damn…
“Fucking God yes…” Duo gasped, his forehead hanging just above my throat. He looked up at me, his eyes damn near purple in the light as they began to roll toward the ceiling. “Shit…I…Gah!”
The next thing I knew, everything went gray around the edges and I felt positively weightless.
And I think I might have heard another crack. I really didn't care. Damn...what happened to the lights?
~~::~~::~~::~~::~~::~~::~~::~~::~~::~~
1. Bottle of wine number 2! Yeah us!
2. Dunno…but I’m hot…off with the sweatshirt. No, you hentais, I’m wearing a fucking tank top!!!!!!!!! (I still have my sweater on!!! But I’m BLURRY happy… -Chi-chan)
3. “Detatchable Penis”, for those of you who don’t know it… (Pants! –Chi-chan) Hmmm. Blue underwear. Hers, not mine.
4. “Wedgie Dance!” –Chi-chan…who’s still blurry happy.
5. We would like to point out here that neither of us are male, nor do we have prostate glands. However, we do have clitorises and know how nice it is when men aren’t clueless…
6. New liquor! Homemade applejack is nice. It's going to be much nicer shortly after we finish this pint... ^_^ ("It comes in pints?!" --Chi-chan)
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