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It all began once upon a time, like every other story.
I suppose things were different then; I had joined the Federation Army when I was eighteen, fresh out of high school, just like my grandfather, one of my uncles and my older brother. But I wanted to pilot a mobile suit, just like every other kid at basic, rather than be a grunt in the trenches. Sure, there were a few who were more interested in Stealth and Dirty Tricks, sniping, and that sort of thing, but there was something about seeing footage of a battalion of Leos securing a poverty-stricken area…the silent promise of adventure, glorious battle, women…
I’m sure you get the idea.
Two years later, my commander informed me that I was being transferred. I was bit irritated after all the time I’d put in to learning tactics and basic mobile suit repair, but I had my orders and wasn’t so stupid that I was going to complain. It had still taken me a few weeks to get over the disappointment of finding out that I was considered “too intelligent” to be a mere mobile suit pilot. Instead, I was sent to school to be a code breaker.
Apparently my school reputation preceded me, and I was requested to join a new branch of the service called “The Specials”. The younger soldiers were in awe of my new assignment. My Colonel stiffly congratulated me on my promotion, but I’d heard that many of the older service men and women were of the opinion that the Specials were some sort of “play group” for Septem’s nephew and his friends. I had never met General Septem, nor his nephew, the newly appointed General Khushrenada and had no intentions of making an ass of myself for either of them.
It had been three years since that day. I hadn’t known what to expect, and there were days I still wasn’t entirely sure, but I did my job to the best of my ability, just like everyone else. As an officer I was occasionally invited to spend an evening at the officer’s club with the others, but I almost always turned them down, particularly when there was talk that the General would be there. He would always come into our stations and greet us when he was on base; there were a few rumors that he knew all of our names, even.
Other officers always told me how well we would get along if I would “mingle” and spend time with the General, but I couldn’t. While most of the other soldiers under his command followed him with a near-fanatic fervor, I couldn’t bring myself to worship him like the others. In fact, I was hard-pressed to say that I even liked the man.
To be honest, I hated him.
I’d never admitted it out loud; there were always ears around to report that someone didn’t adore our illustrious leader, and soon life would have become very uncomfortable for me. Besides, I wasn’t about to let my personal opinion of the man get in the way of my job. I was good at it and had grown fairly content in my position. And looking at it objectively, I respected the General, regardless.
He demanded excellence, he was intelligent; the product of good breeding without flaunting it. He genuinely cared what happened with our families and us. In a word, he was brilliant, and worthy of admiration.
But I still hated him.
He was never aware of the fact. I don’t much think he would have been truly bothered by it, once it was apparent that I was still loyal. He probably would have laughed if he ever found out the reasoning behind my sometimes-blinding hatred.
It wasn’t anything of epic proportions; he hadn’t killed my father, raped my sister, or left my family on the streets. He wasn’t that sort of man, even though a good number of his wealthy brethren saw nothing wrong with that kind of behavior. No, my hatred was simple in origin, but would have seemed fairly stupid in a time of war that was supposed to shape the future of the world.
I hated General Treize Khushrenada for the simple fact that he held the heart of the woman I loved.
With him around, she never noticed me. If I was ever sent a commendation for a job well done, it was always delivered with a cool professionalism that twisted my guts. She would do anything for him, following him across the world with stars in her eyes and I would watch, realizing that he couldn’t possibly love her; not the way I did.
Sometimes I found myself sitting behind my desk, mentally recalling little things; the scent of her perfume, the way her uniform molded to her body, cinching ever-so-slightly at the waist where her belt and holster tugged at the wool of her burgundy jacket. I remembered the way the light would reflect off the lenses of her glasses or the way her eyes seemed to soften when she took them off. She had caramel-colored hair, pulled into a set of braided buns, and held up by red ribbons. In short, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
She was stone cold-hearted sometimes; I admit that. I remember the day she took the colonies hostage, trying to force the Gundams to surrender. I found myself blaming the General again, knowing deep down that she wouldn’t be doing things like that if she hadn’t been so damn desperate to please him. And when Lieutenant Noin told her that she was going against what he wanted, I watched the Colonel’s white-gloved hand hit the other woman hard enough to leave a mark. I admit I felt like “General Wonderful” was creating a monster out of a woman who deserved better. I was confused and angry, but I kept my mouth shut again, knowing that if I were to leave, there would be no chance at all for me to try to help her regain her gentle nature.
And then, she changed again. Colonel Une became Lady Anne. She was all over the news wearing soft, stylish clothes, letting her hair loose…she looked like an angel and I fell in love even moreso than before. I had only seen her somewhat like that one time before; she had been on her way off base for a week. I heard that it was a forced leave, but I just couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t want any time to herself. I had the task of taking her to a small bed and breakfast in the upper West corner of Spain.
It was a well-known joke that the new guy was always the Colonel’s driver, particularly when the General’s She-Devil was on leave. Most of them had heard and passed on horror stories and exaggerated rumors of her behavior; scrubbing floors if you looked at her the wrong way, garbage detail if you talked at your station, other than to pass on vital information…the list went on. I had never heard any of these rumors and so I had no idea why the unit members were grinning and wishing me luck as I took the keys from my new commander.
Don’t get me wrong; I knew military women were tough. They didn’t get to where they were by being sweet and submissive. I expected to see a stocky woman with a face like a bulldog, still in her uniform, and by the way the others talked, with a bullwhip.
I was wrong. I’d never been so terribly, wonderfully wrong in my life.
Instead of a squat, butch commander with graying hair and a permanent scowl, I had laid eyes on an angel that actually had my barely-passing high school brain spouting off like Shakespeare. A young, slender body was shown off in a blue blouse that clung to a nice-sized décolletage and a pair of white pants that made no secret of the fact that those legs definitely went all the way up. Her hair was kind of caramel-colored, held up by a wooden barrette that showed off a face that would haunt my dreams for the next several months. She had a nice, pretty face with a perfect little nose, sharp hazel eyes, and the most ideal image of a rosebud mouth I had ever imagined.
To say that I was utterly, completely and totally in love with her at first sight wasn’t that much of an exaggeration. My Gram used to listen to old music, and one of her favorite songs from an old show began creeping through my brain; “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” suddenly made all the sense in the world to me and I gained a new appreciation for musicals that day. In fact, I had found myself humming the chorus as I popped the trunk, allowing the Corporal accompanying her to put her bags inside. I opened the door for her, offering her a warm smile, which she must have thought looked like a large, dopey grin, saluting to her sharply.
She nodded once in a no-nonsense manner, letting me finally take my hand from my forehead, eyeing me with a cool sort of appraisal one normally only saw when meeting your girlfriend’s father for the first time. You know the one; the one where he’s saying he knows every thought you’ve entertained about his daughter. That he doesn’t trust you any farther than he can throw you, and it still might not be a bad idea to castrate you before leaving the house. It’s the sort of fear that can make you immobile and close to pissing yourself, depending on the degree of “The Look”.
Strangely, I felt my blood run hot with that one disinterested glance and it was all I could do to keep myself from stammering like an idiot. The Colonel didn’t seem to notice; instead, she waited impatiently for me to do something other than drool on myself. I managed a save by offering my hand to her, which she took, settling herself into the car. I shut the door behind her and mentally cussed myself out for a few seconds while I walked to the driver’s side door, climbed in, and prepared for what I knew was going to be a long drive into the Spanish countryside of Galicia.
Attempting to make up for my earlier mistake, I tried to speak to her once we cleared the gates of the base. “Ma’am, if there’s anything you need or would like at all, please don’t hesitate to speak up,” I offered.
“I would like for you to keep yourself quiet, Sergeant Major,” she informed me in a cool, hard tone that made the blood rush to my face like I was twelve years old all over again. “This is not time for you to kiss my ass and expect preferential treatment because of it in the future.”
“Yes, Ma’am, but that certainly wasn’t my intention, Ma’am,” I told her seriously. “I just want you to be comfortable as possible.”
She was quiet for a long time and I felt her eyes burning into me like a set of red-hot pokers. “I see,” she finally replied, her voice not as cold as before. “Thank you.”
I didn’t respond any more than a quick nod of my head. She wasn’t in the mood to talk and I wasn’t about to make her angry. While I wasn’t looking for preferential treatment, I certainly didn’t want to be on her bad side either.
I knew that we were heading up toward the Northwestern quadrant of the country and had heard it was fairly temperate all year around, so I would occasionally glance in the rearview mirror to make sure that she wasn’t too uncomfortable. She never seemed to notice; she didn’t speak for at least three hours, staring out the window, looking as though she were a heartbroken little girl being sent away from home. My heart ached for her. I wanted to ask her if there was anything I could do…it got to be so tempting at one point that I found myself alternately biting at my lips and wetting them with my tongue. The tangled knot of my insides grew tighter in my chest with every mile we traveled in that strange silence.
“Stop here.”
“Ma’am?” I asked, shaking myself out of the type of stupor you only get from driving long distances with no sound other than the engine and the wheels on the road for company.
“I want to stop here,” she repeated, clearly unhappy with having to do so.
We had reached a small village near a lake. To say it was a beautiful place wouldn’t be doing it justice. There were children and adults both making their way through the streets playing, shopping, and visiting; it made me feel like we had just discovered a picture book town where everything was exactly like fairy tales talked about. Figuring she might have been hungry or needed to use the facilities, I found a place where I could park the car and scrambled to open her door, offering my hand once more.
She reached up and pulled herself to her feet while I stood there and meditated over the softness of her skin and how small her hand felt. Her sandaled feet didn’t make a sound as she walked toward the nearest vendor; I remember that her unpainted toenails peeked out at the world as she strode purposefully, back straight, her hair brushing slightly side-to-side with the light breeze. I had to hurry to catch up to her and received a few knowing smiles from a group of four little old ladies chatting outside a store. I also got a few winks from half a dozen young men who had been checking her out as she walked by. I glared at them, which did nothing to stop their smiles; a few even had the balls to laugh and they made comments, that I would bet weren’t exactly of the complimentary variety, to their friends.
I couldn’t help it if she was beautiful, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed, either. For some reason, that both irritated and pleased me, although I was fairly certain she would not be at all amused with the situation. Once I caught up, I made certain to stay behind her, just enough to watch her back and…well. I hadn’t meant to notice the way the white linen clung to her…backside and legs. Unfortunately, I didn’t see how there was any way to not notice.
I found myself listening to her as she seemed to argue with the vendor in perfectly accented Spanish and I wanted to close my eyes, just to listen to her voice. The last time I had remembered being so infatuated was when I was sixteen years old and had noticed one of the school’s best pole-vaulters while waiting for my younger sister at track practice. She hadn’t been a woman yet, but the memory of watching a female in motion, watching her fly…it was something that had stuck with me for years.
I was terribly embarrassed when I found myself fading back into reality, hazel-gold eyes piercing me with frank disinterest. I stammered an apology and she cocked an eyebrow at me. “Well, now that I have your attention,” she began with a hint of amusement in her honey-sweet voice. “I’ll repeat myself this once that you may as well get yourself something to eat if you’re hungry. I want to stay here for a while.”
I nodded. “Yes, Ma’am,” I responded quickly. I was making a mess of this assignment, and if any of my mistakes got reported back, I would never live it down. I had told her that she could have or do anything she wanted, even though I knew a long stop wasn’t on the itinerary. She was my commanding officer and I had to follow her orders.
I found a small vendor’s booth selling what seemed to be deep-fried pastries that smelled like beef, tomato, onion and a hint of spice. I managed to get a few and found her sitting beside the lake, her shoes beside her. It looked like someone had given her a blanket to sit on while I was getting my lunch. I approached her cautiously, not wanting to disturb her meal. She glanced up and motioned for me to sit, which I did happily.
“Have you ever had empanadas before?” she asked as I arranged myself on the cool grass under the large oak she had selected.
I shook my head. “No, Ma’am. I’ve never really managed to eat any of the local cuisine. I was a typical spaghetti and roast on Sundays after church kinda kid, and I don’t think Rations or Mess Hall slop could hold a candle to this.” I saw her smile, just a little and she took a bite of her own meal, something made of chicken and rice on flat bread.
“It’s really very good,” she told me, almost like we were just friends out for a drive. “I enjoy it quite a bit, although I’m certain it isn’t very good for my figure. I’d hate to have to get new uniforms.”
“I doubt anything could do that, Ma’am,” I blurted out before I could catch myself. “You seem very healthy,” I added, trying to cover for my compliment that could certainly be taken as harassment and would end me in a load of trouble. I realized I really needed to shut up and took a bite of my own lunch, nearly moaning at the spicy, savory texture of meat and vegetables. Sadly, Colonel Une was forgotten for a few minutes while I ate. When I finished, she was gone from her place beside me.
I admit that I panicked and my heart nearly stopped when I looked up and couldn’t find her anywhere. Finally, I glanced at the lake where she had rolled up her pants and was padding along the small strip of sand at the water’s edge. Her hair shone honey-colored in the sunlight and she looked almost unreal.
For a brief moment, I realized that with the sun shining down, the smells and sounds of simple, contented people, the breeze off the lake and the rustle of leaves above me, that this is what paradise must be made of. It was still business, but I was in a place of perfection with the most beautiful woman on Earth or in the colonies, walking in the water as I sat beside her blanket and shoes, pleasantly full from the best meal I’d had in months. If that wasn’t Eden itself, I don’t know what is.
Eventually, I had to take her up to the small bed and breakfast–type hotel, and I left her there with her luggage and a formal dismissal. I’d hoped that I would be able to stay nearby, or be allowed to pick her up the next week. But by then, we had been moved to up to Brussels and she had followed the General to a meeting in Austria.
I didn’t see her again for a number of weeks, but it was the same as before; I was struck stupid in love. But she wasn’t the woman I remembered; in full uniform and demanding the surrender of the Gundams, I knew that couldn’t possibly be the woman I had spent eight hours with on a warm day in Spain.
But I also knew that somewhere inside, she was still there, and she remembered the time we spent disobeying our course of action, just for forty minutes.
In the end, she never remembered me, that she showed; and I had realized that she would never be mine.
* * *
I saw her on the news again today; she was beautiful as ever, heading up the Preventers, without her war hero General beside her. I’m certain his ghost still haunts her, but maybe, in a few years, I could find her again. I can’t predict the way of a war or tell a fine Burgundy from a cheap Merlot, but I’d like to think I have a chance.
I’d like to take her to Spain again, to that little village and see if we can’t find Eden one more time.
