**LEMON ALERT ^o^** This idea popped up out of nowhere, but it’s the first GW plot I’ve come up
with that is somewhat believable ::sweatdrop:: It is a yaoi lemon, btw.
Beware of this fic all minors and people that are squeamish about male/male
stuff... Yeesh...not only is it my first GW fic but it’s my first GW yaoi
lemon ^^;;;; All right...Heero is a bit OOC. Gomen nasai! I tried! *hides
behind Mikagami* Well...enjoy, Minna-san! *scurries away*
A Simple Joy; Death's Embrace
by Christina-chan
Heero Yuy felt unusually cold. It was an odd sensation. After all, if not
exceedingly warm within the cramped quarters of whatever dorm or, in this
case, abandoned apartment he was staying in he was always a comfortable
temperature and never
made a fuss about it when he wasn’t...but tonight...tonight the chill was
enough to make him squirm. He had just finished typing up a report on a
mission he had completed earlier that week. Could he even call it a mission?
After the Marie-Maiya incident there had been no true tasks for him to
complete. Hell, Wing Zero didn’t even exist anymore. The report was just a
brief summary of the recent numbers joining the ranks of the Preventors and
how they had been increasing surveillance efforts to make sure fighting
rarely to never broke out.
Closing his laptop, Heero looked around the dirty and empty room as he
adjusted his cobalt globes to the darkness. His bed was nothing more than a
cheap wooden frame with a flimsy mattress and light blanket, but these things
were sufficient. Heero Yuy was used to living on “sufficient.” After all, a
perfect soldier had to be willing, and be able for that matter, to live under
any circumstances.
Perfect soldier!? Heero snorted disgustedly. What exactly was a perfect
soldier? Was it an individual who hid in the shadows, afraid of joining the
inviting warmth of society? Was it an individual who locked himself up in
abandoned buildings
working as if the fucking war of AC 195 was still in progress? Was it an
individual who shunned away from the only people who had ever truly cared
about him? If so, then he was the perfect soldier in every way.
He had witnessed the happiness of the other Gundam pilots...his teammates.
They had a wide range of personalities. Any fool could see that, and yet they
all, at certain moments, could feel some sort of happiness. Inner peace
perhaps? Heero often wondered why he was excluded from this...simple joy that
they seemed to experience at certain moments. What seemed like the smallest
and most insignificant thing to Heero could be something that would make
Duo's eyes light up and cause his lips to quirk in that infamous grin that he
had been present to see so many times. Why didn't that same little thing
cause a similar expression to hit his face? He couldn't understand what he
was doing wrong, and so he had shied away...fleed from those people who could
experience such happiness. Was it jealousy? Fear? Heero wasn't certain.
After Marie-Maiya, the former Gundam pilot had forced himself to keep in
touch with the world for a few months. He had even made it to a couple of
Relena’s peace talks though, of course, he had never shown his face during
the events. Heero had then located Trowa Barton and had witnessed one of his
shows. The former Gundam pilot had to grin. His trip to the circus had marked
one of the first times in his life that he had ever truly enjoyed himself.
That and when, without food or shelter, he had been lucky enough to find Duo
Maxwell and stayed with him for about a month.
Living with Duo had been an...interesting experience, to say the least. Sure,
Duo talked so much that Heero found himself trying to control the urge to
shut him up by beating the hell out of him, and yet Duo somehow had a strange
way of
making him see the brighter aspects of life. He was so full of energy...so
full of compassion that Heero had found himself smiling on an almost weekly
and, occasionally, daily basis. Simple joy. He had finally found the simple
joy that he had been searching for.
That was why he had left. Heero couldn’t afford to smile. He couldn’t afford
to associate with those that had such an extraordinary love of life. Duo went
by Shinigami, but if anyone deserved the name Heero knew it was himself. So
here he
was in an empty building staring at the moonlight coming into to the
otherwise darkened cubicle through cracks in the boards covering the small
rectangular windows at the far end of the room. Life, Heero found, no longer
had the meaning that he assumed it had once had to him. To be honest, he
couldn’t remember a time when he had truly cherished life.
What was life? Was it a social party where one watched both the smiling and
frowning faces of society go by? Was it an emotional journey where an
individual encountered feelings of intense rage and hatred, pain and
grief...care and love? What was his life? He lived to fight as Wufei had
said. It was how he had been raised...though Heero considered those years as
a training period more than a true childhood. Now that the Earth and colonies
were peaceful what meaning did his life have? He felt as if he had been
used...chewed up and spit out when he was no longer needed. Now Heero was a
reject of society...a hideous killing monster that the world had no intention
of mingling with, and the joy that he had once felt...he had run from it.
There was no way of getting it back no matter how much Heero longed for the
feeling.
That was why he was in this abandoned building now. It was time to put an end
to it. He was tired...tired physically from the constant attacks his body had
endured over the years...tired mentally after forcing his fifteen year old
mind to comprehend
things that even the most well-trained scientist might not understand...tired
emotionally after coming to the realization that he would never love for the
emotion wasn’t within his heart anymore, and no one would ever care for him.
Who could love a murderer?
...Who could love a coward that had finally admitted to himself that he was
afraid of the unknown? Death, while a welcoming peace, was also frightening
to the former Gundam pilot. It never used to bother him before. Hell, he had
almost lost his life on a daily basis during the war of AC 195, and yet
through piloting Wing Zero and with the help of his teammates his perfect
soldier exterior had cracked. Heero had come to feel happiness if people's
lives were saved...anguish if innocents were slaughtered due to his mistakes.
When had he grown so attatched to this life? It was a question that the
former Gundam Pilot found that he could not answer.
What waited after this life? More torture? More pain? Would he be forced to
watch his short existence over and over again, hearing the innocent cries of
the people he had accidentally killed...people he hadn’t wanted to eliminate?
It had all been for the target...all for the enemy, but who was the enemy?
The pilots of the Mobile Suits that he had fought...no matter if they were
with the Federation, OZ, or even White Fang they had been people with lives
that they could have lived serenely had it not been for him. How many of
those soldiers had belonged to a family? How many had been fathers, mothers,
sisters, brothers, sons, daughters...? They had more of a reason to live than
Heero Yuy who, while still alive, had nothing.
Heero supposed that it didn’t matter. After all, those screams echoed in his
mind every minute of every day. They haunted him as he slept and as he
worked. At least when he was no longer alive he wouldn’t have to worry about
hurting anyone anymore. Glancing at the gun that he had dropped onto his bed
earlier that day, the young teen allowed himself a soft smile. He had come
close to death so many times that it seemed odd to finally know that the day
had arrived when he would not be spared again. It had to come eventually, and
Heero supposed that today was as good a day as any.
Raising the small black pistol to his forehead, Heero glanced at the light
streaming through the boarded windows in small streaks with a small grin. He
had accomplished so much in his lifetime and yet it felt like so little.
Relena Peacecraft...his mission for what had seemed like forever. Trowa,
Quatre, and Wufei, so unlike himself and yet so similar at the same time.
Heero found himself thankful for their presence in his life. Duo...God, and
then there was Duo. He was the first person that Heero had ever dared to call
his best friend. <Simple joy...> Growling with disgust, the former Gundam
pilot rubbed away the tear that had been trickling down his blemishless
cheek.
Closing his eyes, Heero took in a shaky breath and tightened his grip on the
gun. “Sayonara, Minna,” He whispered regretfully before biting his lip and
pulling the trigger...
The apartment was silent as a few pigeons cooed and flew through the cool
night air. After a few moments of being still Heero opened his eyes and
looked around the room in a daze. He was...still alive? Doshite!? Naze!? He
had been sure to
check the gun earlier that afternoon to make sure it was fully loaded!
Flicking it open, he frowned with utter confusion. All of the bullets had
been removed, and that’s when he heard loud footsteps approach that made the
weak wooden floor creak. “I believe these are yours.”
Looking up, Heero raised his arms just in time to stop six thrown bullets
from hitting him in the face. He grunted with surprise before turning his
eyes back towards Duo Maxwell who was leaning against the door frame leading
to his room with a dour expression on his normally cheerful face. Heero
returned his glare with his own icy stare and crossed his arms over his chest
angrily. “How did you do that?” He questioned at last.
“Despite what you think, Heero, you’re quite an easy guy to follow if one
knows your personality right,” Duo responded darkly, a snarl forming on his
full lips as he stepped into the room and continued moving until he was right
in front of his fellow teen. “I’ve been hiding out downstairs in this
building for the last couple of days. When you stepped out this afternoon, I
got suspicious and came upstairs only to find your cute little weapon propped
on your bed.” Scowling, he folded his arms over his chest. “Were you taking a
last-minute view of society before you shot yourself?”
“It’s none of your concern,” Heero told him, hiding his emotion at this
whole situation by securing his normal hardened expression on his face. Why
would Duo care if he was going to kill himself anyway? The braided teen had
been hurt by him
just like everyone else he had ever come into contact with. “I’d appreciate
being left alone.”
Unable to control his impulses, Duo grabbed Heero by the shoulders and shook
him fiercely, his grip so tight that the former Wing Zero pilot felt his
nails pierce the pale flesh causing blood to clot underneath them. “I leave
you just so you can fucking kill yourself, is that it!? Damn you, Heero!
After all this time you still don’t have a clue in hell!” At Heero’s
inquisitive glance, Duo lowered his eyes suddenly, his voice’s tone becoming
more frantic. “Think about your life for a second! People fucking care about
you and yet you don’t give a shit about them!”
Glaring at Duo, Heero twisted away from his hold and snarled angrily. “No one
cares...” He mumbled, and though his voice was subdued Duo could hear the
obvious fury coating the dark toes. The two stared at each other at a
stand-off for a few mintues before Heero finally turned away and sighed. "Try
naming one or two people. I doubt you can do it."
Brows furrowing with intense frustration and rage, Duo forced himself to calm
down before quietly whispering, “Wufei--”
“...only sympathized with me because he could only be himself on the
battlefield also,” Heero finished for him, his cobalt eyes even darker than
normal in the eerily lit room. Where the hell was Duo trying to go with this?
Did he have a point?
“Wufei admired your determination...how you continued on while still keeping
your sanity. Quatre was able to see through your hard shell. He used to tell
me how lonely you must be on the inside after your life was taken away from
you.” For
once, Heero was speechless in the face of Duo’s voice. What the hell was he
talking about? None of the things he was saying were true, were they?
“Trowa admired your decisiveness. When you self-destructed during the war, he
couldn’t believe that you had done it, and so he used all of his physical and
emotional power to bring you back to all of us. Relena has always been
fascinated by your continual persistence despite the odds you were up
against...it was from you that she learned to stand against all oppression in
the name of peace for the world, and I...”
Heero, at this point, was gaping at his fellow teen, what he was saying just
beginning to filter into his mind...his mind that had been unable, or perhaps
unwilling, to accept the fact that others cared about him. Duo coughed before
forcing himself to continue, “I have found a trustworthy best friend...who I
have not been able to stop thinking about for the last few months.”
Hearing the crack in his best friend’s voice, Heero put an uncertain hand on
Duo’s shoulder only to find blazing eyes fixed on him. “Why else would I
follow you around for God knows how long after you left without even a
good-bye, Heero!?” Duo questioned strongly, anger and despair once again
covering his face. “I felt like Relena, damn it, and yet I couldn’t stop. It
was an obsession! I don’t know...what happened when you stayed with me, but
things changed. I can’t explain it to
you, but they did, and now I...shit...I fucking don’t know what I feel now,
but if you had killed yourself I know I would have followed.”
“Duo...” By this point, Heero was in utter shock. Did Duo realize what he was
saying!? “Why!?” He blurted out finally without knowing what else to say.
“Why the hell would you kill yourself just because I had!? All those
people...they may feel
those things, but I don’t!...I can’t...it’s an impossibility for me! I can’t
have friends! I can’t care! It isn't possi-”
His words were cut off immediately as Duo crushed his mouth against his, and
Heero squirmed with discomfort at the amazing array of feelings that rushed
through him at the connection. Had he ever been kissed? Heero found it hard to
remember. Not since he was a child maybe? Not even then? As Duo wrapped his
arms around him tightly, Heero, suddenly feeling absolutely vulnerable,
whimpered helplessly, the sound being absorbed into Duo’s mouth as he
continued to taste his lips.
Pulling away, Duo expected to see utter disgust, horror, and rage on the face
of his best friend. However, all that he found was confusion and the brief
flicker of sadness in his normally impenetrable blue eyes. “Heero, I want to
try and help you if you’ll let me.” He chuckled mockingly at himself. “Shit,
I feel like a loser, but I can’t hold this back anymore...not after all these
months...not after almost losing you tonight. Onegai, Heero...let me try...”
There was something about his tone of voice...it was so pleading and yet so
authoritative at the same time. Heero had never heard such a blend from his
best friend before and, at a lost for words, all he could do was nod. Why had
his heart suddenly jumped in his chest at Duo’s caresses? His heart hurt, and
Heero found himself wanting to cry and be comforted by someone...by Duo...
Why?
Duo examined Heero’s expression for a moment longer and, seeing his best
friend nod, he cautiously kissed his neck, muffling a growl of hunger as he
heard Heero’s surprised gasp at the new sensation. He had been dreaming about
this
moment...seeing it in his mind for the last few months after Heero had left.
There had been a continual gnawing in his stomach telling him that no matter
what he did his pain would never be eased unless he found Heero again and
forced the emotionless former Gundam pilot to at least acknowledge
him...acknowledge the feelings that had been tiring him for what seemed like
an eternity...feelings that even he couldn't fully understand yet.
He slowly slipped off Heero’s loose green tank top, amazed when he got not
even a grunt of protest from his best friend in response. Duo smiled and went
to work on his spandex shorts, softly biting Heero’s nipple as he did so.
Heero hissed with
amazement at the feeling, almost forgetting the fact that Duo had just made
him completely naked. Looking down, he suddenly found himself feeling ashamed
and tried to turn away from Duo, night blue eyes closing against the
humiliation that
was burning through his chest.
Noticing these actions, Duo placed delicate hands on Heero’s shoulders and
forced him to remain in front of him. Finally, Heero found the courage to
open his eyes only to find a wide grin on Duo’s soft features. “Why are you
trying to hide,
Heero?” Placing a hand on his hip, Duo kissed his cheek reassuringly. “Kirei
na...”
“Nani?” Heero uttered with surprise, his amazed expression only seeming to
arouse his best friend even more. That was not what he had been expecting
from his fellow teen.
“I said that you’re beautiful,” Duo repeated compassionately as he began to
take off his own clothes. Heero watched him silently, finding himself
entranced with Duo’s pale flesh as it was exposed to the pale light of the
outside moon. “Ne, Heero,
you do trust me, right?” He watched Heero’s still form for a moment before
seeing him nod affirmatively. “I want to...make love to you, Heero. Will you
let me?”
When he was responded to with a shaky nod, Duo smiled happily and kissed
Heero’s forehead before helping him over to the hard bed. He tossed the
flimsy white sheet off of it before allowing Heero to lie down, climbing on
top of him after he had done so. “Turn around for me, onegai?” Heero shot Duo
a confused glance before rolling onto his back. He never would have given in
to his best friend so easily, but there were feelings stirring within
him...feelings that Heero found himself powerless to ignore.
Duo caressed Heero’s muscular chest, taking a moment to dip his tongue until
the other teen’s navel. Heero groaned and instinctively arched upwards at the
sudden touch, and Duo smiled before moving downwards, caressing Heero’s stomach
experimentally before taking his length into his mouth. A burning sensation
shot through Heero’s body, and he found himself whimpering Duo’s name both
with arousal and confusion at his reactions. Sensing this, Duo looked up at
him with a small grin. “Daijoubu, Heero. Just go with what you’re feeling,
ne? There’s no one else here but us.”
Heero nodded reluctantly before arching as Duo began to suck on his sex,
panting for breath as he reached desperately for the other teen, his eyes
closing with intense pleasure. Duo moaned and continued to circle his tongue
around Heero’s
member, the sound causing vibrations to tickle his cock. Heero gasped and
tensed, his fists clenching at the mattress with his desperate need for
release.
Grinning at him, Duo pulled away before gazing seriously into Heero’s eyes.
“I’m going to do something that may hurt a little bit now, Heero, so I need
you to trust me in that it will get better.” Shivering as waves of heated
desire washed over him,
Heero nodded at Duo’s statement and turned his head to the side as he tried
to control the feelings and sensations stirring within him.
Assured that he would be all right, Duo straddled Heero’s legs and inserted a
finger into Heero’s anus, the hole just as tight as he had expected. Heero
muffled
a cry of pain before looking down at Duo, uncertainty in his eyes. <I said
I’d trust him,> He reminded himself finally, and that’s when stars appeared
in front of his eyes as a sudden wave of immeasurable pleasure came over him.
“D-Duo...”
He whispered with strained puzzlement, his half-opened eyes focusing on his
best friend. Duo looked up and couldn't help but chuckle lovingly at Heero's
confusion before kissing his abdomen reassuringly.
Continuing his preparations, Duo pushed another finger into Heero’s warmth
and moved them around in order to widen the hole. By this point Heero was
writhing on the bed with a fiery yearning that he could no longer hide
inside. Encouraged by
this, Duo removed fingers out before praying that, without lubricant, he
wasn’t going to hurt Heero that badly and inserted his sex into the former
Wing Zero pilot.
A sharp flash of pain ripped through the Heero's body, and he winced against
the agony as he felt Duo thrust deeper. That’s when he touched that
place...that place that made Heero lose utter control. He cried Duo’s name
and begged
for more, his eyes shut as he arched to meet Duo’s thrusts. Calling Heero’s
name, Duo increased his intensity, sweat glistening on his back as he allowed
himself to lose control, Heero’s yearning cries making him want to extend
this moment forever.
Finally, though, Duo gave one finally cry before releasing his seed into
Heero and collapsing on top of his best friend. The warmth filling him made
Heero tense, and he also came, the white fluid moistening their abdomens as
they embraced each
other tiredly on the bed. As the sticky liquid began to cool minutes later,
Duo hesitantly pulled out of Heero and grabbed his pants, wiping both he and
his new lover off. Grabbing the sheet that he had thrown onto the ground
before their love making, Duo draped it over his own back before scooting
next to Heero and lying beside him, the blanket covering his shivering slightly.
As Duo drew him closer, wrapping a warm arm around his waist, Heero curled
into a ball and allowed his head to fall against Duo’s chest, the rising and
falling of it becoming immediately comforting. “Duo?”
“Hmmm?”
“Will you...stay with me tonight?” Heero questioned meekly, shaking with
embarrassment at the question.
Duo, however, was absolutely shocked, having thought that him staying would
be a given. “I’ll stay with you tonight and forever if you want me that
long.” Heero seemed to accept this as an acceptable and even pleasing answer
for he smiled softly and draped his right arm over Duo’s abdomen. He almost
froze at his own action. His smile. Raising a shaking hand, Heero ran it over
his lips testingly. Curved upwards...<Simple joy...>
Feeling Heero’s breath touching his chest, Duo let his chin fall against the
top of his head. He couldn’t believe this had just happened...it COULDN’T
have just happened, and yet Duo knew that it had. The former Gundam pilot
suddenly found himself wondering how long this relationship would last. After
all, he and Heero had completely different personalities. Would they be able
to look past their differences and find a common bond...perhaps even love?
It didn’t matter, Duo assured himself finally as he closed his weary eyes.
Tonight he was holding Heero Yuy in his arms. That was a blessing in and of
itself. Tightening his hold on Heero, he felt himself begin to drift off into
a peaceful slumber, his last coherent memory being of Heero’s final whispered
words before falling asleep himself. “I’m...not going to die.”
=-=-=-=-=
O-wa-ri!!
=-=-=-=-=
Yay! I finally wrote a GW fic! ::does a happy dance:: See? This is what I’m
talking about! I can’t freakin’ write sex without angst. The two go together
for me. I don’t know why... "Another Night" doesn't count because there was
no sex ^^;;;
Dou da? Good? Sucky? I wrote this while listening to GW Operation II so,
well, I hope you enjoyed!! C&C onegai! I’m so new to the GW world that I’m
afraid I screwed this up!! Ja ne!
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